Here is a lovely photo of me at 31 weeks and a few days, but seriously…….who’s counting?
Well, obviously I AM!Â I am actually 31 weeks and 4 days.Â I guess that should make this a 32 week photo if I round it to the closest number, but I’ll probably take next weeks late too.Â It seems to be a habit with me.Â Almost all of my photo’s are later than the “actual” date.Â I don’t care, I’m just thrilled that I even have pictures or even a baby (gut) to take pictures of.
We are getting closer and closer to the due date.Â I really have no idea what to expect this time around.Â I’ve had every single one of my babies early.Â Very early as a matter of fact.
Geli wasÂ 2 weeks early, Xan was 4 weeks early and Jeremy was 3 weeks early.Â Nathaniel was early too, but I’m not really including him in this comparison.
I just felt the need to mention him – I’ve been struggling lately because I’ve gotten quite a bit of – “Oh!Â Is this your first?” questions, and I’m not sure how to answer.Â To say that I only have 3 kids seems disrespectful to him and his memory, but then if I include him, what about the others that I lost.Â But really, the people who ask are not looking to hear that I’ve had 4 losses in the past couple of years, they just want to hear the happy answer – That I have 3 kids at home.
Typically, that’s what I end up saying.Â I have 3 children at home.Â It still feels wrong, but….such is my life.
Back to the Due Date conversation – I’ve been early with my other kids, and I don’t know if I’ll keep up with that track record or if I’ll go all the way to the Due Date or if I’ll go beyond.Â I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I’m in better shape physically, and I have no idea if or how that’ll affect my delivery and the timing of when this little one comes.
I could have approximately 6 weeks left, but based on having a still birth, I don’t believe that my OB will let me go past dute.Â Although I am doing pretty good – emotionally, I don’t think I could handle going past my due date without freaking out.
On top of just “regular” emotional stress, this would be compounded by the fact that a couple at the church that we used to go to just had a still birth, and everything was fine, and she was about 7-10 days past her due date and the baby died.Â I don’t want to have to deal with that.
I don’t want to have the baby right now, but I don’t wantÂ him to be inside of me for any longer than is absolutely necessary.
We are getting closer and closer to getting ready.Â Well, I’m hoping that we’re getting closer and closer to getting ready.Â We’re farther awawy from ready than I’d like, but I don’t want to be totally ready, and then bored out of my mind for the last couple of weeks.Â
I finally picked out a crib set.Â It is from the Bebe Star collection and is called Frogs and Bugs.Â
We have the wall paint, andÂ I’d love to do something cute and fancy, but seeing as we’re in a rental home, we’re just going to paint the room in the same tan color as the main part of the house.Â We’ve washed and puttied all the walls, and let me tell you – Jeremy was not nice to that room in the 5+ years that he lived in there.Â It’s not anything terrible.Â there were just a ton of little dings in the walls that we had to fill in.Â The next step is to paint the ceiling, and then the walls.Â I don’t want to do the ceiling ’cause I’m already struggling with my back, andÂ know that I need to get in to seeÂ the BEST CHIROPRACTER IN THE WORLD.Â It’s just a matter of calling and booking the appointment, but when you feel like your time is already so tight….trying to fit another appointmentÂ especially when it’s 3 towns over isÂ difficult.Â Not impossible, but difficult.Â
Wow!Â Another bunny trail….okay, getting back on track………Jon needs to paint the ceiling and then I can get the walls done.Â Our goal is to have that done by the end of June and to get the big furniture set up.Â Then to spend July setting up the rest of the baby’s room, and making the lists of the stuff we still need, and to be picking that stuff over the month, and to be completely done by the end of July.Â Then, If I haven’t had him by then – I have 11 days of complete and utter boredom until my due date!Â AAAAAAAArrrrrrgggghh!Â
I am still working on the list of stuff that we need.Â We’ve been lent some stuff, and have bought a few of the other things, but there is still quite a bit that needs to be picked up.Â I don’t know how we did it before (with our other 3 kids).Â I think that we just shifted the lot of it from Geli to Xan, and then picked up or were given some boy stuff for Jeremy.Â The problem was me getting rid of EVERYTHING after the 4 loss.Â
I think I’ve said this before too, but I really didn’t have much hope that we’d ever have another baby.Â I really wanted to, but didn’t think it would actually happen.Â Thank God it has and is and most of the time – I believe that NOTHING will go wrong with this pregnancy.Â I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have “rotten little thoughts that I hate” every so often.
Well, I’ve got a bunch more to say, but I’ll save it for the next post.Â That’s it for now!Â You may now continue on with your regular daily schedule.