Hurting and Crying

Did you ever want to just unload EXACTLY how you’re feeling, but you can’t do that ’cause you’d hurt other people.  People that you loved and cared for…..and so you keep it all inside, and then it builds up, and you feel like you’re going to explode or implode or whatever…..

I’m having another down day.  I hate this.  I hate these days.  I hate it when the things that I’m feeling come crashing down in on top of me, and I dont’ know what to do with them.  I just want to ignore them, and I wish they would all just “poof” go away.

I’m worried about Chris.  I’m worried about my family.  I’m worried about this baby, although that particular worry is way down on the list of things to worry about.  I know it’s just a matter of time – but I hate the “time” factor.

I feel like I’m being crushed under a HUGE weight of stuff that is WAY TOO HEAVY for me to be carrying especially when I’ve got my own stuff to “Carry” right now.

Maybe I just need to go and have a good cry, and then once some of the pressure is relived – I’ll feel better.  I’d love to believe that, but crying, isn’t going to change anything right now.  Everything that I’m thinking about is still going to be there, unchaged when I’m done, and then I’ll have puffy eyes, a raw nose, and a wicked headache to boot…..and seriosuly, who wants to deal with all of that.

I have my lists of stuff to do, and don’t even feel like doing any of that.  I dont’ know what to do with myself.  I did get the baby’s bag for the hospital packed yesterday.  Yah Me, but there is still so much more to do…..not tons of stuff, but just some stuff.  I feel like for everything I cross of the list, that I add 2 or 3 more things, and my list only grows longer, and not shorter.

I’m not sleeping well, and so I’m sure the “tired” thing is not helping.

I know that I can’t fix any of the things that I’m worrying about, and I’m not trying to.  I know that I can’t change the situations, and I’m not trying to.  I just hurt so bad when I feel other people hurting, and I hate that I can’t take all the hurt and make it go away.

I realize that everyone has their own paths to walk down, and that everyone has a choice as to how they travel their particular path, but it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt for them, and all they are going through.  I wish I could control the situations, and just say, “Do it this way… would hurt so much less in the long run.”  But I can’t, and I know that.

 I still hurt……for everything that’s going on right now.

Maybe “down” days are no good for me…..I slow down too much and end up thinking and feeling overwhelmed.  Maybe I just need to keep going full force, until I have a complete mental and physical breakdown…that sounds about right doesn’t it?  Ha Ha!  Just kidding!

34 Weeks, 4 Days and counting………..

34 weeksWell, here it is……..the highly anticipated 34 weeks shot.

I know that you were all just dying to see this weeks fabulous shot, weren’t you?  You don’t really have to answer that…..

I need to make a progression shot to show you.  You can really see a difference in the past couple of weeks.  When our sweet boy was breech, I was carrying much higher.  Not so much now, and I can feel him squirming and almost burrowing down into my pelvis.  It’s weird feeling, and I’m trying to savor every single one of these feelings as this may be my very last time I am ever pregnant.

I keep trying to tell myself that I have 6 weeks left, but who am I kidding?????  I’m really hoping that I don’t reach August still pregnant. 

Just to clarify, I don’t want to have this baby any time before the 21st of July.  That is when I’m officially 37 weeks, and really the last few days of July would be perfect – as far as I’m concerned.

I’ve told Jon that basically we have to get EVERYTHING DONE by the 21st, and then I just have to plan and keep myslef busy after that.  Not like that is really very hard – I’m having a harder time slowing down and actually “making” time to do the things that really need to get done.

Today was almost a down day, and I’ve tried really hard to make tomorrow into a down day. 

I had another Chiropractic appointment today, and he said that basically at this point I’m outta luck……I’m probably going to keep flopping out of place ’cause of all the hormones in my body that are relaxing everything for a nice and easy delivery.  I could come in twice a week, and I’d still be “out” the next time I came in.  Also, he is going on vacation ’till the end of the month……doesn’t he realize that I need to be adjusted before I give birth?  How inconsiderate of him?  I’m just really hoping that my OB doesn’t announce that he’s going on vacation also…can you imagine?

I’d be just slightly stressed.

So anyway, I had a Chiro appt in Walnut Grove, and then had to pick up 5 Kooshies All in One diapers that I’d purchased for half price from a lady who so very conveniently lived in Walnut Grove (I found them on the Vancouver Craig’s List – how cool is that?), then I had to run down into Langely to pick up some vitamins for Jeremy, then I swung past my Dad’s warehouse/office which is right beside the Ladybug Organics store to pick up some bread…….I told you it was alomst a down day, didn’t I?

After that, I came home, and pick up Jon and the kids and he had some running around to do, and I went grocery shopping, and then came home and made Xandra a Roast Beef Dinner with Yorkshire Puding for her birthday dinner……we’re only 4 days late…that’s not bad!  I also worked on cleaning the house.  It was brutal, and now it’s in good enough shape that I may not have to really do anything tomorrow.

That was kind of the point.  It’s so crazy busy, trying to get in to see Chris, and then being so tired when I get home, and the mess just piles on top of other messes, and then I’m buried and tired and all I want to do is sleep.  The harder thing is that I’m starting to swell at night if I’m on my feet too much during the day….so I have to watch that also.  It’s not an indicator of any problems….it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I may take it easy all morning, and then get going and pick up a few things that I still need to get from a few different stores for the baby…we’ll see!  I may just need a stay in my ‘jammies day.  I also should really plan out the rest of the weeks menu, and finish up some admin stuff for the week, but we’ll see.  I was going to go in to see Chris on Thursday, but it looks like he’ll be having surgery to remove some pins from his wrist/hand, and seeing as I have the kids – I probably won’t take them in to just sit around VGH for the day – they’re good kids, but not THAT good!

Well, I have my next pregnancy related appointment, next Tuesday with the Naturopath, and then the Friday with Dr Shone, and then I’m 36 weeks……

It seems so far away, and yet like I said I’m trying to enjoy every last minute that I have.  I know that it’s easier to care for the baby inside of me, even though I wake up at 2:30am, and come out and check my e-mail and get a drink and go pee, that the tired I feel right now, is NOTHING compared to what I’ll feel like after the baby is born.  I still want my baby in my arms, and not inside me, but… day at a time……I’ll get there…’s coming soon.  I know it is!  And I still have some things to do………not to mention a bit more work on getting my kids to pull their own weight around the house.  It’s been a bit “interesting” around here, with the kids trying to do as little as possible.

I figure I only have a few more weeks to crack down hard on them, if I want the extra help after the baby is born.

Well, I’ve rambled on long enough… I’m going to bed to read….

I Will Definately Be Ready…..

I had my 34 week check up this morning.  I won’t be “officially” 34 weeks until Saturday, but he is in the OR and at the hospital all day tomorrow – which is my usual appointment day – and so I went in a day earlier as opposed to waiting until Tuesday for the next appointment (’cause of the holiday on Monday).  And after how bad last week was, I don’t think I could have gone until Tuesday with out knowing some things are going.

I knew that I was stressed out about the position of the baby (him being breech), but didn’t realize exactly how badly until last night.  I was preparing for bed and thinking…..How am I ever going to fall alseep knowing that I find out tomorrow whether or not he’s changed positions or if he’s still breech?  It took me back to the beginning of the pregnancy when I’d be doing the same thing the few days before my next appointment only wondering if the baby would even be alive, and if we’d see that beautiful little heartbeat.

 I know that compared to him being alive or not – worrying about the position is kind of silly, but it shows a few things…….

Although I still worry about the possibility of a still birth, that particular worry was overshadowed by the baby’s position, and  whether or not I would have to have a c-section……that tells me that I’ve come a long way.  To have the fear of death overshadowed by something as insignifiant as “how” this baby would be born……

Just the fact that I believe, more often than not, that this baby will be born alive is HUGE!

I do still worry.  I don’t know that I can completely stop it.  It doesn’t consume my every waking moment, but I’d be a liar if I said that I don’t think about it occasionally….okay maybe a little more often than occasionally…….but I am doing better.

Good news is……physically I’m doing fabulously, AND the little bugger is head down and face back.  As of this morning, he was in the premium position for his arrival.  This was the best news that I have heard in a while.  I’m so excited.  It’s funny, ’cause I’ve been trying really hard to play the “name that bump” game, and it’s not been going so well.  I actually thought that he had his back to mine and that he was facing out toward the front. 

This little guy moves funny!  Well, I’m not sure if it’s all that funny, but from what I can remember, it’s different from the last three.  With them, I could definately tell which end was which, and whether the bump was an arm or a leg or an elbow of a knee.  This little one has been keeping me guessing……..little stinker.

Our furniture came in on Tuesday, and Jon put it together, and I LOVE it.  It does fill in the already tiny room, but how much room does one little baby need any way.

I’ll take pictures, but I need to find some “stuff” to decorate with. 

The doctor told me to pack my bags, ’cause any time after Saturday, he’ll be happy to meet the little guy.  Not that we are expecting him to come this early, but I think my Doctor’s just trying to make me feel better…….not much will do that until I am actually holding my baby.

I am trying to tie up all the loose ends and finish the  room and the  pick up the rest of the baby stuff.  There are still a few things that I need to get.

I am still waiting for the diaper bag to show up so I can pack that, and I have to figure out what I want to take to the hospital.  I should probably also go and check out the hospital, and see if I can pre-register.

I wondered if we should sign up for a pre-natal class.  There is one that is just a refresher, but I don’t know if it’s really worth it to spend the money and take the time out of our freaky busy schedule unless things have drastically changed in the last 7 years.  Which I admit is possible…..7 years is a long time and lots of things change……I don’t know…..I’m waffling on that one……

I keep making lists, and then losing those lists and making new ones, and then remebering more stuff to put on them…….AAAAAACCCCCKKK!

Oh well!  I’ll surivive….alomst only 6 more weeks until we meet our sweet little boy, and I’ll be ready for him…..BOY, WILL I EVER BE READY!

Not so Messy!

Thank you so much those of you that commented or e-mailed.  It really means a lot to know that you are thinking of me and that you care.

I’m doing much better….and so I figured that I should let you know as opposed to just staying a big huge mess. 

While certain things have not really been resolved  – I don’t know if they ever will, and so once again I’m just kind of dropping the issue.  There doesn’t really feel like there is anything I can do to change the situation, and so I will just continue on and hope that one day I won’t have to face the pressure and expectations to be or act like someone I’m not.

I still feel stressed about Chris, but until he is all better – I will probably think about and worry about him, but the immediate pressure of him being transferred and how upset it made him and Nina and mom is lightened.  He seems to have adapted fairly well, and is getting better little bit by little bit.  So, I just keep hoping and praying and trusting that God is holding him and Nina and is carrying them through all of this.

The baby stuff – well, that’s kinda still there too, but it seems like the overall pressure of everything has back off to a much more managable load.  So, while I’m still feeling the stress and pressure – it’s at a much more managable level, and so I continue on.

I had a chiropractic appointment today, and it felt amazing.  He’s straightening me out and the hopes are that the baby will straighten out and turn and then I won’t have to have a c-section.  He gave me some amazing rate that his clinic and him personally have of babies turning on their own just by them using this “Webster’s” technique.  I felt so much better, and that alone was almost worth it even if the baby doesn’t turn although I belive he will.

I have an appointment on Thursday, and will find out if the little guy has turned yet or not. 

Diaper BagThe Lilypaz came in the mail today, and it’s kind of fun and exciting to be getting stuff  that I know I’ll be able to use soon. 

I’ve ordered a diaper bag from E-bay and it’s beautiful.  It’s nice ’cause it’s not frumpy looking, but I could just carry it around as a purse.  Isn’t it pretty?

I like it, but still want to try and find a way to get that other bag from JC Penny.  We even called their customer service department and they walked us all the way through the ordering process, and we found out at the end that there are some issues with the diaper bag being sent up across the border……or something like that……the end result is that we will have to either go and get one or there is some way to have it brought to a special address just on the other side of the border and we just cross the border and pick it up and bring it back………such a hassle for what basically amounts to a purse.  Silly, ain’t it?

Bebe au Lait Cover UpAnother baby item that I forget to mention in my other cool baby items post are these cool cover ups.

They are called Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover Ups.  They have really neat fabrics.  There is  piece of boning in the top of the cover up so that it kind of stands out so you can see the baby without having to struggle with the sheet.  The strap around the neck is connected by twp D rings, so you don’t have to worry about the cover falling down and exposing you.

I’m not terribly concerned about nursing in public.  I’ve done it with all my other kids and really once you’ve given birth a few times and nursed a few times – there really ain’t all that much modestly left.  But……sometimes other people are uncomfortable with nursing and these are so pretty and if it helps others to be more comfortable then why not.

Mostly, I just like them and want one.  I’ve even comtemplated asking my mom to just make me one.  It couldn’t be that difficult.

And I got a baby gift today from a friend today….little froggy stuff.  It was so cute……..she’s so sweet, and due so soon herself… if only she’d update her blog once in a while…hint, hint, hint!

I’ll have to take some pictures and show what she gave ’cause it’s just so darling. 

Wel, I’ve rambled enough for now, and i need to go and put my youngest (for now) into bed.  I promised him that we’d cuddle tonight.

A Big Mess……

33 weeksHere is what I’m counting as my 33 week picture.  Yes, I’m a few days early, but seeing as I’ve been late with the weekly pics almost every week, I’ve decided to even things out, and go early for once.  Saturday is when I’ll officially be 33 weeks – what’s a day or two, eh?

It’s funny, ’cause pictures don’t lie, and honestly……Jon took about 20 shots of me, and I’m not particularly happy with any of them.  This is the best of the worst, but if you look……my eyes dont’ lie, and I’m struggling.

If I’m lucky, none of you will look at the picture and know what I’m talking about – you’ll just be blinded by  my dazzling beauty, and the fact that I currently weigh less at almost 33 weeks pregnant than I did starting out the last 2 pregnancies…..amazing isn’t it? 

You like my evasion tactics????  I thought they were pretty smooth.

Well, today is Sports Day #1 – Yah, you read that right.  I have 2 Sports Days to deal with this year.  The school splits up the school into groups of odd numbered divisions and even numbered divisions.  The girls are both even numbered, and Jeremy is in the odd numbered divisions, and so that means that I have to go to Sports Day all day today, and all day tomorrow.

I’m just feeling so………….tapped out……I feel like I have too much to do, and not enough time to do it all in, and not enough energy to do it all.  The situation with Chris really through me for a loop yesterday.  I feel like we should be with him, especially after seeing how upset and fragile he was yesterday, and yet I can’t physically be in there all the time.  It’s so hard!  That whole thing came on top of me stressing about the baby being breech, and really not wanting to have a c-section…..I know that there is nothing wrong with them, and people have them all the time….I just don’t want to have one, especially not for my last pregnancy.  I know there is still time for the little one to flip, and I know that we haven’t run out of options yet.    The “breech” thing comes on top of a very long as stressful pregnancy, and even now I feel scared that something might go wrong….it’s not a feeling like something will, but just a fear that it’s still a possibility.  It’s that whole, “I’m holidng my breath and have been for WAY. TOO. LONG!

I’m just not coping with evrything very well right now!  I also hate the fact that me writing this down is going to send bunch of people freaking out and trying to take stuff away from me, and while I probably could just let it all go…..I don’t have to…..that’s not what this is about.  I’m just sharing how I’m feeling.  It’s better to let it out, than to keep it in, and explode later. 

Part of what makes this all very difficult to me, is that I’m usually very good at coping with WAY too much stuff, and it’s a bother that I’m not coping as well as I could or should or whatever.

On top of all of this, once again there’s been a breakdown in communication/relationship with some people close to me and I feel like I’m getting blamed for it all.  I hate that.  It’s one of those things that just make me want to crawl into a nice little hole and never come out.  I won’t do this, I’ve come to far emotionally to ever want to go back to that place where it’s just not worth it to try to have relationship, but when situations like this come up – it does seem to re-inforce the fact that people are not safe and just can’t be trusted to care for me, just the way that I am.  I hate having to feel like I have to be fake or pretend that I’m somthing I’m not.  If I can do something….I will tell you!  If I can’t do something……I’ll let you  know.  I’ll give you the grace to not live up to my standards, and I won’t expect you to do something just to make me feel better.  I’d really appreciate if others would grant me the same mercy and compassion, and not think that certain situations were all my fault……’cause they’re not.

Like the title of the post says……I feel like my life is a big huge mess right now……It wil get better…..I know it will.  I’m just struggling today.  Maybe I’ll feel better after a big cry….and then again, mayeb I won’t.  Maybe I won’t feel better until I’m holding my little one, and ignoring the world around me in that amazing, yet super-tired babymoon period.

In positive news……I did start and finish painting the baby’s room, and we even have the crib set up.  The crib bedding is available for pick up from UPS afte 1:30pm TODAY, and the other pieces of furniture are to be ready to pick up on the 26th – hopefully!

Only 7 more weeks…..although this week isn’t even over and it’s been draggin on for way tooooooo long.  I don’t know how I’ll make it to the end…obviously I will, and it will just be one day at a time, but from where I’m standing…….It’s looking like a LONG 7 weeks!

Thanks for listening/reading/whatever……..

Have’s – Need’s – Want’s

Well, This one might get long…..I’m just warning ya…….don’t say I never looked out for you…..’cause I do……..and if you’re interested in baby “stuff”… might just want to keep reading……..or if you just want to know about all the stuff I have, and need and want……..can I use any more of these…………..can I?

CribWell, I have this crib in it’s box, down in my garage.   Doesn’t it look nice?  Ignore the crib bedding, ’cause we are getting that Frog and Bug set that I showed you in the last post.

I had a really hard time with picking out the crib set because I really wanted something that all matched, and yet I didn’t really want plain white furniture, and I also didn’t want to pay five million dollars for the set.  These things are freaking expensive, and unless you go to a speciality store – it’s hard to just find a “set” in one of the local stores.  We did find this set at Sears, but had to order it all in.  We didn’t actually think we were going to be able to get this set because the crib was NO WHERE to be found, and it couldn’t be ordered in to arrive in the store until the end of July, and seeing as it’s possible that this little guy could arrive at the end of July…..that wasn’t really an optionas far as I was concerned.  Jon called the store here in town, and surprisingly enough – they had THE ONLY one of this crib in the lower mainland……nice eh?

armoire.jpgSo, we did get the matching set of the Armoire and the Change table.  I also anguished over the color of the wood stain.  Was the cherry too dark?  I knew I didn’t want the really light colored, blond wood, but did I want the medium colored wood, and which shade.  I thought that I found one that I liked.  It was called a walnut and was a dark honey color, but we couldn’t find the matching pieces that went with the crib.  I finally went with these three pieces, and although I didn’t really like the type of crib (the back side is taller than the front side – it’s not very traditional, and I was looking for something more traditional as first) at first.  I really like it now, and can’t wait to get the whole thing set up in nursery.

Change tableI’ve never had a  change table, and so this is a whole new experience for me.  Can you believe it?  Three kids, ten years, and never a change table……I’m so excited…I’m a bit giddy.  It’s a nice height too.  I still need to get a change pad….it doesn’t come with that little piece, although you’d think with the price that they could throw in the pad as a bonus. 

The Armoire and the Change Table are both on order and should be arriving on June 26th.  Well within appropriate time limits for set up in the room.  Another thing that I like about this set is that Iit will just grow with our little guy.  That is a 3 in 1 crib, and converts to a toddler bed, and then a double bed.  The change table converts to just a regular dresser if you take the railing off of the top, and the armoire will just be the armoire.

lilypadz.jpgNext on my list of things that I have are these amazing breast pads.  Just click on the picture to go to the website.  It has a whole ton of information, but to summarize….these are reusable silicone nursing pads.  They kind of “stick” to you and they don’t leak, they don’t show through your clothes, and if you had nice perky boobies than they claim that you don’t even have to wear a bra.  That would never work for me, but I love the fact that they are reusable, washable, and don’t show through your clothes.  On-line they are selling for approx $20US plus shipping.  I bought these off for approx. $17 including shipping.  Yah Me!

I’ve already posted about our travel system that we bought – that is the Infant Car Seat and the Stroller.  It was our very first purchase for this baby……so I won’t repeat all the boring details about that.

My sister in law has lent us a swing, high chair, playpen, bassinette, and an umbrealla stroller.  I was overwhelmed.  A friend of our’s also lent us a swing, a baby bath tub, ad some clothes.  Another sister in law gave me some of her boy clothes ’cause she is having a little girl…..I’m so excited for them.

I haven’t totally gone through all the baby clothes to see if I have everything – like undershirts and socks and sleepers – but I plan to do that after the Armoire and Change Table arrive.  I don’t feel like going through everything and then putting it all back into boxes.

On to the NEED to get items……

We’ve or rather that should say I’ve decided that I want to cloth diaper this baby.  I like the idea of paying a set amount for the diapers and not having to continually bleed out money for disposable diapers over the next 2 years.  I’m also planning on using reusable cloth diaper wipes……read that to say rags for butt cloths.  This is not to say that I won’t be using ANY disposables, because I know that I will……like if we go on holiday’s this year…there is no way that I’d take a weeks worth of dirty diapers home with me, and I’m not going searching for a laundry mat half way through either.  I’d use disposable wipes during that kind of time as well.

Bum GeniusCloth diapering is not the same as it was 10 years ago when Geli was born.  They have THE MOST AMAZING cloth diapers now.  They are basically like a disposable, but you wash them… pins, no folding, no plastic pants.  These are the ones that I want.  They do have everything from the ones I’ve described all the way back to plain, old fashioned squares that you fold and cover with pants.  I do already have some fitted cloth ones that you need a diaper wrap or plastic pants with, and will definately use those as well, but they are mostly the medium size and will fit a 15-25 pound baby.

I do have a ton of washcloths to use for wipes, but still need to order the diapers from Raised in  It’s a big wack of money to pay all at once, but they fit from birth all the way until they grow out of them, and like I said,  in the long run – I’ll pay WAY less than I would if I used disposables…..I figure that they should pay themselves off in about 6 months or so.

Diaper BagI still need to find a diaper bag, and the one that I absolutely LOVED is not available any where that I can find…….sucks – so I need to keep looking for something suitable and that I like.  That seems to be the biggest issue… liking it – when did I become so picky.  Like I said in the previous post about the bedding….I’m not really into “cutsy”…….I still want to look like I’m a grown woman, and not a baby machine with all the cartoon widgets and accessories dripping off of me.

How to find the balance within a budget……..that’s the challenge, eh?

I do still need to pick up the little nit picky things like butt cream, Lansinoh Cream, a diaper pail, cotton balls, Q-tips, The Infant First Aid stuff (Tylenol, Rubbing alcohol, Gripe Water, Digital, in Ear thermometer, etc), a nasal aspirator, blah, blah, blah………I also need to get a couple of nursing bra’s, but I saw some on sale at Motherhood Maternity that I should really go and get. 

Again, I’m picky – I MUST have underwire, and believe me when I say I MUST!  Without the strongest support possible those bad girls fall down to my belly button.  Okay!  I probably should have TMI’d you all in advance, but come on – It’s nothing I haven’t shared with you all before and you know I’m all about the honesty, besides I wonder if any of you will have even made it this far.  If you have – Don’t give up ’cause I’m almost done……really…’s the truth. 

Back to the Nursing bra thing for a minute.  My most favorite nursing bra EVER has been discontinued, and I’m a bit disoriented and terribly disappointed by that fact.  It was underwire, with extra support AND it snapped open in the front in the middle, and not at the top.  It’s like losing a best friend.  I shouldn’t be that upset, but I am – but no worries, I’ll get over it pretty quick….

Moving onto things that I WANT…..obviously these are things that are not so important as the above mentioned items, but still…….

Moby WrapI’d LOVE to get a sling to carry the baby in, and not just any sling, but a MOBY WRAP…….in chocolate. 

That would be this brown color you see here.  Basically this sling is a giant peice of stretchy material that you can wrap in a variety of different ways and can carry a baby from a preemie all the way to 35 pounds.  The cool thing is that you can be hands free and the baby’s weight is evenly distributed across your back and body.  The baby can be worn on your front or on your back, and facing in or facing out.  You can nurse in this thing, and it even looks cute just over top of your clothes…..meaning that if you tie it on before you head out to the grocry store you don’t look like a complete goof, and you’re ready to just slip your baby in leaving your hands free to push the cart and grab for your other children as they flail down the aisle touching everything thay can see…’s a real bonus in my mind.

I’d also like to get a breast pump.  This is one thing that i”m not firnly decided on.  I don’t work outside the home and I’m fairly comfortable nursing anywhere, so it’s not like I have alot of reasons to use a heavy duty electric pump.  I would like to have a bit of a stock in Medela Pumpthe freezer just in case, so do I get a manual (that I hate ’cause they make your hands cramp) or get a light weight electric……and if so…..which one?  There are so many out there.  I think if I had the choice I’d go with the Medela Single Delux Electric Pump, but it seems like an exravagance, and so we’ll have to just see how it goes.

I think that about does it for this installment of Baby produts.

I did have a Doctor’s appointment today, and I was going to lump everything all together, but I think that I’ll just quit for now, and if I can get a decent picture from tomorrow when I’m actually officially 32 weeks pregnant – I’ll tell you all about it then.

For now, I really need to go to bed.  It’s 12:22am, and I have Xandra’s birthday party tomorrow!  YUCK!  The only good thing about that, is that after 4pm tomorrow.  It will be done, and I’m so looking forward to that moment.

Well, If you’ve made it this far – I applaude you!  I’ll let you few select people know that I’m going to be having a baby pool, where I’ll give away an actual gift to the person who guesses closest to the actual delivery date and time… keep that in the back of your mind, and I’ll officially announce it – in a much shorter post – coming up some time soon.

Oh……….If you have any really cool baby items or gear that I MUST take a look at, let me know by e-mail or leave the link in the comments so we can ALL know about them.  I’m always on the lookout for baby things that make your life easier or just more fun!

31 Week Update

31 weeks

Here is a lovely photo of me at 31 weeks and a few days, but seriously…….who’s counting?

Well, obviously I AM!  I am actually 31 weeks and 4 days.  I guess that should make this a 32 week photo if I round it to the closest number, but I’ll probably take next weeks late too.  It seems to be a habit with me.  Almost all of my photo’s are later than the “actual” date.  I don’t care, I’m just thrilled that I even have pictures or even a baby (gut) to take pictures of.

We are getting closer and closer to the due date.  I really have no idea what to expect this time around.  I’ve had every single one of my babies early.  Very early as a matter of fact.

Geli was 2 weeks early, Xan was 4 weeks early and Jeremy was 3 weeks early.  Nathaniel was early too, but I’m not really including him in this comparison.

I just felt the need to mention him – I’ve been struggling lately because I’ve gotten quite a bit of – “Oh!  Is this your first?” questions, and I’m not sure how to answer.  To say that I only have 3 kids seems disrespectful to him and his memory, but then if I include him, what about the others that I lost.  But really, the people who ask are not looking to hear that I’ve had 4 losses in the past couple of years, they just want to hear the happy answer – That I have 3 kids at home.

Typically, that’s what I end up saying.  I have 3 children at home.  It still feels wrong, but….such is my life.

Back to the Due Date conversation – I’ve been early with my other kids, and I don’t know if I’ll keep up with that track record or if I’ll go all the way to the Due Date or if I’ll go beyond.  I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I’m in better shape physically, and I have no idea if or how that’ll affect my delivery and the timing of when this little one comes.

I could have approximately 6 weeks left, but based on having a still birth, I don’t believe that my OB will let me go past dute.  Although I am doing pretty good – emotionally, I don’t think I could handle going past my due date without freaking out.

On top of just “regular” emotional stress, this would be compounded by the fact that a couple at the church that we used to go to just had a still birth, and everything was fine, and she was about 7-10 days past her due date and the baby died.  I don’t want to have to deal with that.

I don’t want to have the baby right now, but I don’t want him to be inside of me for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Crib SetWe are getting closer and closer to getting ready.  Well, I’m hoping that we’re getting closer and closer to getting ready.  We’re farther awawy from ready than I’d like, but I don’t want to be totally ready, and then bored out of my mind for the last couple of weeks. 

I finally picked out a crib set.  It is from the Bebe Star collection and is called Frogs and Bugs. 

We have the wall paint, and I’d love to do something cute and fancy, but seeing as we’re in a rental home, we’re just going to paint the room in the same tan color as the main part of the house.  We’ve washed and puttied all the walls, and let me tell you – Jeremy was not nice to that room in the 5+ years that he lived in there.  It’s not anything terrible.  there were just a ton of little dings in the walls that we had to fill in.  The next step is to paint the ceiling, and then the walls.  I don’t want to do the ceiling ’cause I’m already struggling with my back, and know that I need to get in to see the BEST CHIROPRACTER IN THE WORLD.  It’s just a matter of calling and booking the appointment, but when you feel like your time is already so tight….trying to fit another appointment especially when it’s 3 towns over is difficult.  Not impossible, but difficult. 

Wow!  Another bunny trail….okay, getting back on track………Jon needs to paint the ceiling and then I can get the walls done.  Our goal is to have that done by the end of June and to get the big furniture set up.  Then to spend July setting up the rest of the baby’s room, and making the lists of the stuff we still need, and to be picking that stuff over the month, and to be completely done by the end of July.  Then, If I haven’t had him by then – I have 11 days of complete and utter boredom until my due date!  AAAAAAAArrrrrrgggghh! 

I am still working on the list of stuff that we need.  We’ve been lent some stuff, and have bought a few of the other things, but there is still quite a bit that needs to be picked up.  I don’t know how we did it before (with our other 3 kids).  I think that we just shifted the lot of it from Geli to Xan, and then picked up or were given some boy stuff for Jeremy.  The problem was me getting rid of EVERYTHING after the 4 loss. 

I think I’ve said this before too, but I really didn’t have much hope that we’d ever have another baby.  I really wanted to, but didn’t think it would actually happen.  Thank God it has and is and most of the time – I believe that NOTHING will go wrong with this pregnancy.  I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have “rotten little thoughts that I hate” every so often.

Well, I’ve got a bunch more to say, but I’ll save it for the next post.  That’s it for now!  You may now continue on with your regular daily schedule.

The Geezers are taking over the world

My Uncle turned 50 recently, and my aunt and cousins threw a surprise party for him this past Sunday.

Uncle Rick

It was a ton of fun.  They have the most amazing house for outdoor parties, and are the most amazing hosts, and put together it makes for an amazing combination.

There was a ton of good food, and lots of family and friends.  It was a perfect day…the weather was amazing.  The little kids with no sense of internal body temperature played in the FREEZING COLD POOL, and shivered until they warmed up and then tried it again.


We waited in the back yard for a while, until we figured that it was about time for the birthday boy to be arriving.  Apparently his baseball game started later than it was supposed to….but no worries, ’cause we all had each other to chat to, and we are FABULOUS company, if I do say so myself.

After a while, we all relocated to the front yard to “surprise” him when he drove home…still with the chatting and entertaining our selves….. 

In the Front Yard

We waited and waited and waited, and FINALLY he drove up, and we all yelled, “SURPRISE” and the best part of it all was that he was.  He was actually surprised…..had no clue that his kids had planned this.  How fun is that?

We ate and ate and ate and ate.  There was so much good food, and then the games began.

Blind, Deaf and MuteCan’t have a party without games, and Daryl and Matt had planned a Geezer Game so that  Uncle Rick could see what life would be like after 50 and so that he could have a chance to practice before it really all came crashing down around him.

In teams of 3, the guys had to run around a cane 10 times so that they were nice and dizzy and off balance.  Then they had to run up the hill while they were still feeling off balance.  One guy couldn’t hear very well (deaf), and the second guy was bald and couldn’t see (blind), and the third guy couldn’t talk (mute).  Once they had their gear on, they were crippled by being tied to each other in 6 legged race style.  They had to go back down the hill, and then the blind guy had to golf a ball into a circle about 20 to 30 feet away. 

Once they did that, they had to run back up the hill…still crippled….and get on the trampoline and look for their marbles (’cause you lose your marbles when you get old). That was the funniest, seeing the guys try to get on and off the trampoline all tied together.  Uncle Rick even ended up with rub burn on his face from falling onto the trampoline.  You know it’s a sucessful family event when someone gets hurt.

Then they had to race over to the super long stairway, and try to make it down……still crippled……and then to the favorite past time of old guys – FISHING!  Each guy had to try and catch a fish…pretty funny to see the blind guy give it a go.On the Phone with Charlene

Debbie was on the phone with Charlene during all of this so even though she wasn’t physially there, it was kind of nice to have her there too – sort of……I sure miss you Char!

Then they had to race back to the finish line, and the group that did it the fastest won.  I don’t think they actually won anything, except for the bragging rights that their team beat the other two teams…….that’s good for something isn’t it?

Uncle Rick opened his presents, and was graced with a Geezer First Aid kit filled with support hose, Tums, laxative powder, hemerroid cream, bunion pads, and Denture Cleaner Tablets.  Matty fixed his billion year old guitar, and he got a cane with a bell, along with a number of amazing cards and well wishes.  I’m sure I’ve forgotten something, and so please forgive me if I didn’t mention your gift or card…..I’m blaming it on pregnancy brain, right now… wasn’t an intentional slight!

It was a really fun day, and I LOVE MY FAMILY!  I will say that at one point I was sitting with all my other brothers and sisters, and thinking -“This sucks!  We’re all here, and Chris is stuck in the hospital.“  That thought was quickly followed by, “I’m so grateful that he’s alive to be stuck in that hospital, and that I am only mouring his lack of attendance, and not his lack of life.“  It’s amazing how quickly your outlook can change when you are so grateful for life and realize that it is just so fragile.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Rick!

To see my whole picture set, click on any of the pictures and it’ll take you there.

We’re just a bit late……

…..but hey!  At least we made it before Father’s Day rolled around!  Last year we didn’t all get togethr to celebrate until alfter Father’s Day.  At least we know it’s the thought that counts………

Momma & Daughter's

Every year we’ve gotten together, Mom and the girls for a dinner and usually a coffee afterwards.  Well, seeing as this year’s just a little tiny bit different what with Chris in the hospital, and 3 of us on weird natural healthy diets – our plans were slightly off of normal.

The biggest thing was that Chelle didn’t make it.  Things are quite busy for her, and she just couldn’t swing it between her schedule and the girls and work and well…..she was jsut really tired out, and needed to stay home.  That was sad!  Very Sad!

The rest of us met at the hospital just before 7pm (’cause that’s when the shift change is, and we can’t be there with Chris anyway) and decided to go to Cactus Club.  We drove down Broadway, and when we passed Cactus Club, and parked up the next street, well – Earls was right on that corner, and so we just went there ’cause it was all of  about 4 steps closer! 

We laughed and talked and chatted about life and mostly about the food that we could or could not eat.  It’s fun that there are 3 of us on similar eating plans.  Makes it easier to not feel so left out when EVERYONE around you is gorging down on foods that you’re not supposed to have, and you’re gnawing on a plate of lettuce, and feeling quite like a rabbit.

Debbie had the most delicious mashed potatoes, and even bought a side order to take back to Chris, as he seems to be really enjoying his daily Mystery Meat Log – NOT!  When we finally finished our dinner’s, we decided to forgo the coffee much to Debbie’s dismay.  She had been waiting all day for her special drink, but we were thinking that Chris might be asleep if we waited too much longer.  The pills they give him do a really good job of knocking him out for the night – usually!

He had fallen asleep when we showed up, but just barely, and when we asked if he’d like a bit of company, he told us to come on in.  It was fun to just be in there and joking around with him.  It was quite the party with the 5 of us girls in there, but he seemed to handle it quite well.  It was nice to see him joking and laughing and even teasing Lisa ’cause she was a bit squeamish about his arm and leg.  Nothing says “family loving” like a little bit of mental torture… 

We finally cleared out ’cause it was getting late, and we were a bit loud.  Oops!  NOt only that, but Chris is only supposed to have 2 visitor’s at a time.  Oh well!  Not that it really matter’s now, ’cause he’s been transferred up to a regular ward.  That just seems so amazing.  It’s just one step closer to him coming home and being better.

If you want to see all the pics – not that there’s that many – just click on the picture at the top of the post and it’ll take you there.

Not Playing Fair

Angelica - 10 years old - May 2007Look at these pictures!  Aren’t they amazing?!?  I mean, maybe only I think that ’cause they are my kids, but seriously, they are pretty good for “school” pictures…….aren’t they?

Usually, with the pictures that we get home from the school, it’s a giant crap shoot as to whether or not they are actually going to be good pictures or not.

This year we took the regular school photo’s in September or October, and then about a month ago the kids came home with another form for more school pictures. 

I have to admit that I was a little annoyed.   I’ve never been to a school that did school pictures twice in one year, and while I can appreciate that kids change and grow so fast, and that they do look different – sometimes – from the beginning of the year to the end of the year……..all I could think was “money grab.”

It turns out that I wasn’t that far off.

Alexandra - 8 years old - May 2007

This was a fundraiser for the school.  It would have been nice had a notice come home explaining what the deal was, and maybe even the fact that this was a professional photographer doing the pics, and not some person who sees way too many “little brats” in the course of the day to really care if their hair is sticking out all over the place, and they have a giant piecs of lunch wedged in their front teeth, and their shirt has water stains on it from where they were “washing” their hands (and the rest of the washroom – it looks like)…..not that I would have ever really experienced anything like this particular scenario………

Any way, the day of the school pictures, I didn’t even try to do anything with my kids.  Told them to pick up whatever sort of clean clothes they could find off the floor of their bedrooms, and if they weren’t too dirty , then to throw they on.  I think I yelled at least twice for them to brush their teeth, although seeing as I didn’t march them into the bathroom personally – they just assumed that I was joking, and I don’t think it got done.  Looking at the pictures, I think that the girls brushed their hair that morning, although you can’t always tell with Xan… least in the pony tails, you can’t tell how greasy Geli’s hair is.  Aren’t I the picture of a perfect mom?  Dirty clothes, Greasy Hair, and no teeth brushed…….sweet!

Jeremy - 6 years old - May 2007Then the pictures came home, and I was shocked.  Despite my lack of grooming, the pictures are so sweet.

Although I do think that Jeremy’s head is cocked over a little to far to the right – they are still amazing pictures.  Xan just about ALWAYS takes a good picture, so I wasn’t really shocked when I saw hers.  Jeremy’s wasn’t too bad either.  I will admit that I’d have loved to see Geli smiling a bit more, but she usually has such a hard time taking really good pictures that I was THRILLED with this one of her.

The deal with the school is that they got 1 dollar for each child they took a picture of.  Then the company developed the photos, chose the best one.  DEVELOPED and SENT HOME 6 sheets of varying sizes and types of the photo, AND once you’ve got those cute pictures in your grubby little fingers (although I’m starting to swell, and so mine are not as little as I’d like them to be) it’s awfully hard to refuse them. 

Sneaky, Sneaky photography company.

It was $37 for the package of 6 sheets, or $14 per sheet.  Obviously it was cheaper to get the package, but I really didn’t want to pay over $100 for some pictures of my kids no matter how nice they were.

I did however, take one sheet of each of them WAY OVERPRICED at $14 and got two “3 x 5″‘s and eight “1 x 2″s or whatever the little tiny size is.

If even only a handful of the parents did this, then that photography studio is making a killing.  It annoys me that I was sucked into their little scheme.   Oh well!  Cute pics!  Now I just have to get over it!