Officially 36 Weeks Pregnant and the Baby Pool

Here I am…..one more week into this journey.  It’s hard to believe that I will be holding my baby within the next 4 weeks.

YAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I am so excited, and a little bit nervous. 

How are we going to handle having a brand new baby around the house, AND dealing with 3 older kids at the same time.  It’s going to be an experience, that’s for sure.

I  have started to swell.  Well, that’s not entirely the best description of it.  My feet are HUGE…..and so sore.  I woke up this morning and it hurt to walk on them, they were so sore….AND….I have no ankles.  It sucks!  I don’t ever remember swelling this badly with any of the other kids, but this is my first time being at the end of a pregnancy in July…in the heat…..it’s lovely – really it is!

Oh well!  Hopefully, it’s not for much longer.  I don’t want the baby to come before next weekend, but any time after that would be okay for me.

I did have my 36 week appointment on Friday, and have booked my last couple of appointments with the OB.  We’re down to weekly visits and that’s so cool.

My bood pressure was perfect, and I had gained a few pounds more than I was really happy about.  Dr. Shone was so nice, and said that it was all that fluid I was retaining.  HA!  Yah right!  I only hope that’s what it is, and not just a whole bunch of fat sitting on my rear end.  I officially weigh 205 pounds, and I really wanted to end this pregnancy under 200, but seeing as that’s not going to happen, now I just want to stay under 210.  Not that I WANT to gain 5 pounds in the next couple of weeks, but let’s be realistic.  I doubt that I’m going to gain NOTHING, so I’ll be a bit more than 205, but hopefully not much.

He asked me about the time frame that I delivered my other children in.  It was kind of nice to be able to say 1 week (Angelica), 3 weeks (Alexandra), and 2 weeks (Jeremy) EARLY!  I do hope this one comes early, but hahving said that, please don’t be offended if I don’t respond if you pose that fabulous question that every pregnant woman dreads…..”Haven’t you had that baby, yet?“  Believe me, you all will be among the first to know.  I’ll let you know when I go in (barring an emergency – which I’m not expecting)  and I’ll let you know just as absolutely as soon as I can…………sooner, if possible.

This all nicely leads up to a fun little contest that I’m going to be holding.  I’m still working on a prize, but come on……isn’t the contest just fun, too?  What was that?  You want a prize…….ya, I figured as much!  Jon said to just send out a picture of the baby, but seriously – if ya really want one of those, you can just rip one off of either here or flickr ’cause I’m sure I’ll be posting WAY TOO MANY, and at that point, we’re just going to change the name of this blog to “Patti had a baby and here he is!” 

So, like I said, I’m working on a prize or maybe even two, and as soon as I come up with the PERFECT prize, I’ll let you know what it is.  Until then, if you’d like to play along, send me an e-mail to patti@xangelle.com with your guess of date, time and weight (if you want to), and I’ll post them up in the side bar.

Just so you can make an informed guess, I’ve had 3 full term pregnancies, and the stats go like this….

Geli was born 1 week early and weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces.

Xandra was born 3 weeks early and weighed 8 pounds and 3 ounces.

Jeremy was born 2 weeks early and weighed 8 pounds and 8 ounces.

So, if you want to play along, send me your guess and we’ll both hope that you win….unless you guess something ridiculous like 2 weeks late, and 10 pounds and 14 ounces, and then I’ll be praying that you lose…..’cause that’s just mean and nasty.

I’ll be waiting for your e-mail.

30 DAYS LEFT

Wow!  It seems like it shouldbe a big deal…..or a big day…….or something…..

I only have 30 days left.  That’s one month!  As of Saturday I will be 36 weeks pregnant.  It’s almost hard to believe that I’m so close, and yet – I think there is still a part of me that is unbelieveing that it’s actually this close to happening.

I had my last Naturopath/midwife appointment on Tuesday.  She is going on vacation, and hopefully I will have had my baby before she gets back.  I wasn’t seeing her in official midwifery capacity, but she has been unbelievably amazing.  I actually had a bit of spotting on Tuesday morning, and she checked everything out, and everything is okay, and in her official opinion I won’t have this baby too early. 

As much as there is a part of me racing and rushing to get to the finish line – I don’t want this baby born before it’s all okay.  Yes, the baby would live if born now, and would suffer no long term health issues, but I might not get to take him home the next day.  While that might not seem like a big deal….I’m  not leaving the hospital this time without my baby.  I don’t care if I have to sit in a chair in the hall.  I don’t want to have to walk out of that hospital empty handed again.  It was too hard the first time, and I don’t want to do it again for any reason.

I have an appointment tomorrow with the Obstetrician, and then I start in on my weekly appointments.  Wow!  It’s getting so close, and I’m getting so excited.  I am trying to wrap things up this week, so I can just relax, and take it easy the last couple of weeks.  I may still need to wrap the last few things next week, but then….hopefully then….I’ll be ready…..REALLY READY!

I will never ever again be pregnant with this little one, and I want to enjoy and cherish every moment that I do have with him sstill inside of me.  Soon enough he’ll be here, and then life changes……for the better…but also for the tireder and for the busier and…….

Well, I’ve spent the day today cleaning the house, and I have to finish getting ready to head in to see Chris tomorrow.  Jon’s parents are going to take the kids overnight, and so we are going to be able to get a few more things crossed off the “to do” list, and in a whole lot less time than if we had the kids asking for us to buy everything single thing their little eyes set on.  So, it will be a busy weekend, and not terribly relaxing, but that’s okay if I can just get everything done that I need…and want to.

12 Years Ago……Today

Jon and I got married 12 years ago today.

I’m a little late in getting this post up….as in…..the day is almost over, but hey – better late than never, eh?  And…..well…….I contemplated putting this up tomorrow, but figured that if I could at least get it up today, then all the congratulations and money that we’d get would be worth the little bit extra effort of my part….ha ha ha ha!  I’m not expecting any congratulations, but the money would be nice……..

Okay, being serious now…..I’m going to have to find a whole lot more to say ’cause I have a TON of pictures that I wanted to show you.

I may just send you to my flickr page to take a look at the pics that I uploaded as opposed to dragging this out into a super freakin’ long post of me just rambling on and on and on….how am I doing, so far…..

See, I’ve just made it to the end of one picture.  I’m doing good! 

Seriously though, we were so young, and don’t ask me what I was thinking, ’cause Jon looks like a baby…….

I was a cradle robber….well, I guess I was technically younger than him (so he was the cradle robber), but I don’t look like I’m 14 years old.

We got married at 19 years old and 20 years old.  I look at some teenagers now, and can’t believe that we got married at the same age that some of them are now.  I can’t believe that our parents let us….were we that bad that they wanted us out of the house, and were willing to marry us off to accomplish that goal?  I can’t imagine marrying Geli off to someone Jon’s age when she was my age…..It seems ridiculous, and yet we did it.

I think that the fact that we were friends for almost 6 years before we got married has played significantly into how we’ve managed to make it through the past 12 years without killing each other.  We knew quite a bit about each other, and weren’t walking into this thing called “marriage” with our eyes blinded by love or lust or whatever you want to call it.

We’ve had our hard times – in fact years 5-7 were not so happy or easy or whatever.  I know that a lot of people struggle through the first couple of years, but I think because we were friends first, that we were able to make it all the way to year 5 without too many “issues”. 

At that point, the combination of unforgiveness, selfishness, 3 kids, financial stresses, lack of quality communication, and a bunch of other things made our lives not pleasant.  I’m not trying to be a downer, but this is reality.  Marriage is work, and anyone who thinks otherwise needs to be slapped.  It’s not a fairy tale.  It doesn’t have to suck either….that’s not what I’m saying.  It just requires effort.

We had determined in ourselves that we were in this FOREVER!  Divorce was not in our vocabulary.  It was not an option when we were fighting to say – “Okay then, just leave me!”  Although at times, that would have made things a lot easier (in the moment) – it wasn’t an option. 

I remember during some of our darkest times, thinking that I had two options, and I wasn’t particularly happy with either one.  My options were to either stick it out in a very miserable marriage and just be miserable with where we were at, OR…..I could decide that I didn’t want to stay where we were at, and I could be willing to work things out.  Obviously, it didn’t make much sense to me to remain miserable, and so I basically HAD to work things out.

When your options are to be miserable forever or to getting working….it’s quite the motivator, ’cause who wants to stay miserable forever.We have spent a lot of time working on our marrige, and it’s WAY better now than it ever has been before, and it’s not perfect yet.  We still get mad at each other.  We are still selfish, imperfect people (me more than him), we still have issues with communication (him more than me), we still fight over stupid stuff…….I could go on forever…..that doesn’t sound too good does it……
The thing is, we are learning HOW to fight. We are learning what to say, and what NOT to say.  We are learning how to comunicate without killing each other in the process.  It is possible to fight, and to walk away in a better place then when you started.  I hate fighting and walking away with nothing resolved.  Even if the entire issue is not resolved, if you can take one step forward, then you’re better off than when you started.  I love that we are learning to really hear the HEART behind what each other is saying, and not just the words.

Probably the BEST book we ever read was Love and Respect by Emerson Eiggerichs.  It’s an amazing book that talks about what Men and Women want and need out of a relationship.  Amazing, AMAZING book!  I recommend that if you get it, you do so, to read the sections for you – not for your spouse.  It never works to highlight sections and then leave the book sitting in the bathroom conviently open to where you want him to read it…..believe me…..it just doesn’t…..don’t ask HOW I know that…..just trust me.

Even if you are the only one in your relationship who reads the book, and applies the principles – you will still see fabulous changes in your marriage.  Seriously!

I read the book about a year before Jon did, and although I will admit that by the time he read it – I was ready to kill him, ’cause he ALL OF THE SUDDEN had these amazing insights and revelations……..and like I said……I can be selfish and petty and…..to be completely honest….I really have to work on forgiveness.  It doesn’t come easy to me.

So, his amazing revelations were old news to me, and I was mad, hurt and not interested in cooperating, but again…..going back to the whole….are you going to live in misery for the rest of your life or start working on things……….I’m not interested in a life of misery and so…..let’s get working on stuff.

It’s been up and down over the 12 years, but I’m looking forward to where we’ll be at in another 12 years from now. 

I’m in this for the long haul, sweetheart, and I’m so glad that you are too.

Having said all of that, what would you have said or thought if you had woken up to this on the first morning of married life…………..

35 Weeks Officially

35 weeksSo, here is the official 35 week photo.

The closer I get to the end, the more important it is that I actually get there….I only wish the time was passing faster.

I got some terrible news today.  Ever since losing Nathaniel in January of 2005, I have been a part of an Internet Bulleitn board for women who have experienced loss.  Most of the ladies have had miscarriages, but a few have had still births.  There have been tons of the ladies that had losses around the same time that I did, who have since then had a healthy baby, or even two.  Unfortunately, some of the ladies have had more losses, or haven’t been able to get pregnant since then.

It was an amazing place for me to find, when I felt so all alone, and like I really didn’t have anyone who understood what I was going through.  I could ask questions and find answers, and just be frustrated, and give support as new ladies came along.  It’s been a wonderful support system, and I believe that I’ve made some friends over the past 2 and a half years.

This morning, one of the girls who has had multiple losses along side of me, had a still born baby.  She was 37 weeks pregnant, and the cord was wrapped tightly around her son’s neck.

This has kind of thrown me for a loop. 

To make matter’s worse, our little guy has had a particularly quiet and still day today.  Yes, he has been moving, but not quite the usual kicks and squirms that I think are usual.  I’d be lying if I said that getting this news hasn’t bothered me.  It’s so hard to think that this lady lost her child, and she was so close to the end.  If he’s been born one day earlier, he would/could have lived.  It’s situations and circumstances like these that I don’t understand.

If you could, I’m asking for prayer.  I’m asking for prayer for a friend of mine (Emily) who just lost her baby (Jack).  I’m also selfishly asking for prayer for me and my baby.  I really want this baby to live and not die, and to be born safely, and when it’s supposed to be.

We are getting closer and closer to being ready for our baby to come.  I’ve told Jon that everything has to be basically done for the 21st of July.  That’s when I’m 37 weeks.  After that, it will just be a matter of tidying and washing and sorting and folding and putting things away.

We bought some shelves today.  I wanted to get some shelves to put above the change table, and found some that didn’t really match, but they were close and would have worked, and they were $15 each.  So not too expensive.  We were at RONA today, and found some unfinished ones for $7.00 each, and bought a can of stain for $15.  It worked out to about the same price for the 2 shelves and the stain, but these shelves are a bit wider which I’m happy about.  The other ones were fairly narrow, AND once stained, these will be very close in color to the furniture we already have.  YAH!

I also found the cutest frog for the wall.  It’s actually a hanger thingy.  It has pegs, that you hang stuff from……do you know what I’m talking about?  So basically, the frog is sitting on a piece of wood that has 3 pegs in it, and you can hang stuff on the pegs.  It’s cute!  I’ll post a picture – you’ll LOVE it!

Also, the NICEST thing happened today…..the sales associate at the RONA thought that Jon and I were in our mid twenties, and that this was our first child.  She thought that we were just looking after the 3 kids that were with us, and was absolutely SHOCKED when Jon told her that we’d been married for 12 years.  I’ve never been told that I looked younger than my age, so I was pretty surprised….Maybe she was just being nice…..who knows….who cares….It was a nice complement and I’m not going to over think it too much.

Well, here’s to the end of day one of being 35 weeks pregnant.  I can’t wait ’till next week when I’ll be even one week closer to meeting this sweet boy of ours.

Hurting and Crying

Did you ever want to just unload EXACTLY how you’re feeling, but you can’t do that ’cause you’d hurt other people.  People that you loved and cared for…..and so you keep it all inside, and then it builds up, and you feel like you’re going to explode or implode or whatever…..

I’m having another down day.  I hate this.  I hate these days.  I hate it when the things that I’m feeling come crashing down in on top of me, and I dont’ know what to do with them.  I just want to ignore them, and I wish they would all just “poof” go away.

I’m worried about Chris.  I’m worried about my family.  I’m worried about this baby, although that particular worry is way down on the list of things to worry about.  I know it’s just a matter of time – but I hate the “time” factor.

I feel like I’m being crushed under a HUGE weight of stuff that is WAY TOO HEAVY for me to be carrying especially when I’ve got my own stuff to “Carry” right now.

Maybe I just need to go and have a good cry, and then once some of the pressure is relived – I’ll feel better.  I’d love to believe that, but crying, isn’t going to change anything right now.  Everything that I’m thinking about is still going to be there, unchaged when I’m done, and then I’ll have puffy eyes, a raw nose, and a wicked headache to boot…..and seriosuly, who wants to deal with all of that.

I have my lists of stuff to do, and don’t even feel like doing any of that.  I dont’ know what to do with myself.  I did get the baby’s bag for the hospital packed yesterday.  Yah Me, but there is still so much more to do…..not tons of stuff, but just some stuff.  I feel like for everything I cross of the list, that I add 2 or 3 more things, and my list only grows longer, and not shorter.

I’m not sleeping well, and so I’m sure the “tired” thing is not helping.

I know that I can’t fix any of the things that I’m worrying about, and I’m not trying to.  I know that I can’t change the situations, and I’m not trying to.  I just hurt so bad when I feel other people hurting, and I hate that I can’t take all the hurt and make it go away.

I realize that everyone has their own paths to walk down, and that everyone has a choice as to how they travel their particular path, but it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt for them, and all they are going through.  I wish I could control the situations, and just say, “Do it this way…..it would hurt so much less in the long run.”  But I can’t, and I know that.

 I still hurt……for everything that’s going on right now.

Maybe “down” days are no good for me…..I slow down too much and end up thinking and feeling overwhelmed.  Maybe I just need to keep going full force, until I have a complete mental and physical breakdown…that sounds about right doesn’t it?  Ha Ha!  Just kidding!

34 Weeks, 4 Days and counting………..

34 weeksWell, here it is……..the highly anticipated 34 weeks shot.

I know that you were all just dying to see this weeks fabulous shot, weren’t you?  You don’t really have to answer that…..

I need to make a progression shot to show you.  You can really see a difference in the past couple of weeks.  When our sweet boy was breech, I was carrying much higher.  Not so much now, and I can feel him squirming and almost burrowing down into my pelvis.  It’s weird feeling, and I’m trying to savor every single one of these feelings as this may be my very last time I am ever pregnant.

I keep trying to tell myself that I have 6 weeks left, but who am I kidding?????  I’m really hoping that I don’t reach August still pregnant. 

Just to clarify, I don’t want to have this baby any time before the 21st of July.  That is when I’m officially 37 weeks, and really the last few days of July would be perfect – as far as I’m concerned.

I’ve told Jon that basically we have to get EVERYTHING DONE by the 21st, and then I just have to plan and keep myslef busy after that.  Not like that is really very hard – I’m having a harder time slowing down and actually “making” time to do the things that really need to get done.

Today was almost a down day, and I’ve tried really hard to make tomorrow into a down day. 

I had another Chiropractic appointment today, and he said that basically at this point I’m outta luck……I’m probably going to keep flopping out of place ’cause of all the hormones in my body that are relaxing everything for a nice and easy delivery.  I could come in twice a week, and I’d still be “out” the next time I came in.  Also, he is going on vacation ’till the end of the month……doesn’t he realize that I need to be adjusted before I give birth?  How inconsiderate of him?  I’m just really hoping that my OB doesn’t announce that he’s going on vacation also…can you imagine?

I’d be just slightly stressed.

So anyway, I had a Chiro appt in Walnut Grove, and then had to pick up 5 Kooshies All in One diapers that I’d purchased for half price from a lady who so very conveniently lived in Walnut Grove (I found them on the Vancouver Craig’s List – how cool is that?), then I had to run down into Langely to pick up some vitamins for Jeremy, then I swung past my Dad’s warehouse/office which is right beside the Ladybug Organics store to pick up some bread…….I told you it was alomst a down day, didn’t I?

After that, I came home, and pick up Jon and the kids and he had some running around to do, and I went grocery shopping, and then came home and made Xandra a Roast Beef Dinner with Yorkshire Puding for her birthday dinner……we’re only 4 days late…that’s not bad!  I also worked on cleaning the house.  It was brutal, and now it’s in good enough shape that I may not have to really do anything tomorrow.

That was kind of the point.  It’s so crazy busy, trying to get in to see Chris, and then being so tired when I get home, and the mess just piles on top of other messes, and then I’m buried and tired and all I want to do is sleep.  The harder thing is that I’m starting to swell at night if I’m on my feet too much during the day….so I have to watch that also.  It’s not an indicator of any problems….it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I may take it easy all morning, and then get going and pick up a few things that I still need to get from a few different stores for the baby…we’ll see!  I may just need a stay in my ‘jammies day.  I also should really plan out the rest of the weeks menu, and finish up some admin stuff for the week, but we’ll see.  I was going to go in to see Chris on Thursday, but it looks like he’ll be having surgery to remove some pins from his wrist/hand, and seeing as I have the kids – I probably won’t take them in to just sit around VGH for the day – they’re good kids, but not THAT good!

Well, I have my next pregnancy related appointment, next Tuesday with the Naturopath, and then the Friday with Dr Shone, and then I’m 36 weeks……

It seems so far away, and yet like I said I’m trying to enjoy every last minute that I have.  I know that it’s easier to care for the baby inside of me, even though I wake up at 2:30am, and come out and check my e-mail and get a drink and go pee, that the tired I feel right now, is NOTHING compared to what I’ll feel like after the baby is born.  I still want my baby in my arms, and not inside me, but…..one day at a time……I’ll get there…..it’s coming soon.  I know it is!  And I still have some things to do………not to mention a bit more work on getting my kids to pull their own weight around the house.  It’s been a bit “interesting” around here, with the kids trying to do as little as possible.

I figure I only have a few more weeks to crack down hard on them, if I want the extra help after the baby is born.

Well, I’ve rambled on long enough…..now I’m going to bed to read….

I Will Definately Be Ready…..

I had my 34 week check up this morning.  I won’t be “officially” 34 weeks until Saturday, but he is in the OR and at the hospital all day tomorrow – which is my usual appointment day – and so I went in a day earlier as opposed to waiting until Tuesday for the next appointment (’cause of the holiday on Monday).  And after how bad last week was, I don’t think I could have gone until Tuesday with out knowing some things are going.

I knew that I was stressed out about the position of the baby (him being breech), but didn’t realize exactly how badly until last night.  I was preparing for bed and thinking…..How am I ever going to fall alseep knowing that I find out tomorrow whether or not he’s changed positions or if he’s still breech?  It took me back to the beginning of the pregnancy when I’d be doing the same thing the few days before my next appointment only wondering if the baby would even be alive, and if we’d see that beautiful little heartbeat.

 I know that compared to him being alive or not – worrying about the position is kind of silly, but it shows a few things…….

Although I still worry about the possibility of a still birth, that particular worry was overshadowed by the baby’s position, and  whether or not I would have to have a c-section……that tells me that I’ve come a long way.  To have the fear of death overshadowed by something as insignifiant as “how” this baby would be born……

Just the fact that I believe, more often than not, that this baby will be born alive is HUGE!

I do still worry.  I don’t know that I can completely stop it.  It doesn’t consume my every waking moment, but I’d be a liar if I said that I don’t think about it occasionally….okay maybe a little more often than occasionally…….but I am doing better.

Good news is……physically I’m doing fabulously, AND the little bugger is head down and face back.  As of this morning, he was in the premium position for his arrival.  This was the best news that I have heard in a while.  I’m so excited.  It’s funny, ’cause I’ve been trying really hard to play the “name that bump” game, and it’s not been going so well.  I actually thought that he had his back to mine and that he was facing out toward the front. 

This little guy moves funny!  Well, I’m not sure if it’s all that funny, but from what I can remember, it’s different from the last three.  With them, I could definately tell which end was which, and whether the bump was an arm or a leg or an elbow of a knee.  This little one has been keeping me guessing……..little stinker.

Our furniture came in on Tuesday, and Jon put it together, and I LOVE it.  It does fill in the already tiny room, but how much room does one little baby need any way.

I’ll take pictures, but I need to find some “stuff” to decorate with. 

The doctor told me to pack my bags, ’cause any time after Saturday, he’ll be happy to meet the little guy.  Not that we are expecting him to come this early, but I think my Doctor’s just trying to make me feel better…….not much will do that until I am actually holding my baby.

I am trying to tie up all the loose ends and finish the  room and the  pick up the rest of the baby stuff.  There are still a few things that I need to get.

I am still waiting for the diaper bag to show up so I can pack that, and I have to figure out what I want to take to the hospital.  I should probably also go and check out the hospital, and see if I can pre-register.

I wondered if we should sign up for a pre-natal class.  There is one that is just a refresher, but I don’t know if it’s really worth it to spend the money and take the time out of our freaky busy schedule unless things have drastically changed in the last 7 years.  Which I admit is possible…..7 years is a long time and lots of things change……I don’t know…..I’m waffling on that one……

I keep making lists, and then losing those lists and making new ones, and then remebering more stuff to put on them…….AAAAAACCCCCKKK!

Oh well!  I’ll surivive….alomst only 6 more weeks until we meet our sweet little boy, and I’ll be ready for him…..BOY, WILL I EVER BE READY!

Not so Messy!

Thank you so much those of you that commented or e-mailed.  It really means a lot to know that you are thinking of me and that you care.

I’m doing much better….and so I figured that I should let you know as opposed to just staying a big huge mess. 

While certain things have not really been resolved  – I don’t know if they ever will, and so once again I’m just kind of dropping the issue.  There doesn’t really feel like there is anything I can do to change the situation, and so I will just continue on and hope that one day I won’t have to face the pressure and expectations to be or act like someone I’m not.

I still feel stressed about Chris, but until he is all better – I will probably think about and worry about him, but the immediate pressure of him being transferred and how upset it made him and Nina and mom is lightened.  He seems to have adapted fairly well, and is getting better little bit by little bit.  So, I just keep hoping and praying and trusting that God is holding him and Nina and is carrying them through all of this.

The baby stuff – well, that’s kinda still there too, but it seems like the overall pressure of everything has back off to a much more managable load.  So, while I’m still feeling the stress and pressure – it’s at a much more managable level, and so I continue on.

I had a chiropractic appointment today, and it felt amazing.  He’s straightening me out and the hopes are that the baby will straighten out and turn and then I won’t have to have a c-section.  He gave me some amazing rate that his clinic and him personally have of babies turning on their own just by them using this “Webster’s” technique.  I felt so much better, and that alone was almost worth it even if the baby doesn’t turn although I belive he will.

I have an appointment on Thursday, and will find out if the little guy has turned yet or not. 

Diaper BagThe Lilypaz came in the mail today, and it’s kind of fun and exciting to be getting stuff  that I know I’ll be able to use soon. 

I’ve ordered a diaper bag from E-bay and it’s beautiful.  It’s nice ’cause it’s not frumpy looking, but I could just carry it around as a purse.  Isn’t it pretty?

I like it, but still want to try and find a way to get that other bag from JC Penny.  We even called their customer service department and they walked us all the way through the ordering process, and we found out at the end that there are some issues with the diaper bag being sent up across the border……or something like that……the end result is that we will have to either go and get one or there is some way to have it brought to a special address just on the other side of the border and we just cross the border and pick it up and bring it back………such a hassle for what basically amounts to a purse.  Silly, ain’t it?

Bebe au Lait Cover UpAnother baby item that I forget to mention in my other cool baby items post are these cool cover ups.

They are called Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover Ups.  They have really neat fabrics.  There is  piece of boning in the top of the cover up so that it kind of stands out so you can see the baby without having to struggle with the sheet.  The strap around the neck is connected by twp D rings, so you don’t have to worry about the cover falling down and exposing you.

I’m not terribly concerned about nursing in public.  I’ve done it with all my other kids and really once you’ve given birth a few times and nursed a few times – there really ain’t all that much modestly left.  But……sometimes other people are uncomfortable with nursing and these are so pretty and if it helps others to be more comfortable then why not.

Mostly, I just like them and want one.  I’ve even comtemplated asking my mom to just make me one.  It couldn’t be that difficult.

And I got a baby gift today from a friend today….little froggy stuff.  It was so cute……..she’s so sweet, and due so soon herself…..now if only she’d update her blog once in a while…hint, hint, hint!

I’ll have to take some pictures and show what she gave ’cause it’s just so darling. 

Wel, I’ve rambled enough for now, and i need to go and put my youngest (for now) into bed.  I promised him that we’d cuddle tonight.

A Big Mess……

33 weeksHere is what I’m counting as my 33 week picture.  Yes, I’m a few days early, but seeing as I’ve been late with the weekly pics almost every week, I’ve decided to even things out, and go early for once.  Saturday is when I’ll officially be 33 weeks – what’s a day or two, eh?

It’s funny, ’cause pictures don’t lie, and honestly……Jon took about 20 shots of me, and I’m not particularly happy with any of them.  This is the best of the worst, but if you look……my eyes dont’ lie, and I’m struggling.

If I’m lucky, none of you will look at the picture and know what I’m talking about – you’ll just be blinded by  my dazzling beauty, and the fact that I currently weigh less at almost 33 weeks pregnant than I did starting out the last 2 pregnancies…..amazing isn’t it? 

You like my evasion tactics????  I thought they were pretty smooth.

Well, today is Sports Day #1 – Yah, you read that right.  I have 2 Sports Days to deal with this year.  The school splits up the school into groups of odd numbered divisions and even numbered divisions.  The girls are both even numbered, and Jeremy is in the odd numbered divisions, and so that means that I have to go to Sports Day all day today, and all day tomorrow.

I’m just feeling so………….tapped out……I feel like I have too much to do, and not enough time to do it all in, and not enough energy to do it all.  The situation with Chris really through me for a loop yesterday.  I feel like we should be with him, especially after seeing how upset and fragile he was yesterday, and yet I can’t physically be in there all the time.  It’s so hard!  That whole thing came on top of me stressing about the baby being breech, and really not wanting to have a c-section…..I know that there is nothing wrong with them, and people have them all the time….I just don’t want to have one, especially not for my last pregnancy.  I know there is still time for the little one to flip, and I know that we haven’t run out of options yet.    The “breech” thing comes on top of a very long as stressful pregnancy, and even now I feel scared that something might go wrong….it’s not a feeling like something will, but just a fear that it’s still a possibility.  It’s that whole, “I’m holidng my breath and have been for WAY. TOO. LONG!

I’m just not coping with evrything very well right now!  I also hate the fact that me writing this down is going to send bunch of people freaking out and trying to take stuff away from me, and while I probably could just let it all go…..I don’t have to…..that’s not what this is about.  I’m just sharing how I’m feeling.  It’s better to let it out, than to keep it in, and explode later. 

Part of what makes this all very difficult to me, is that I’m usually very good at coping with WAY too much stuff, and it’s a bother that I’m not coping as well as I could or should or whatever.

On top of all of this, once again there’s been a breakdown in communication/relationship with some people close to me and I feel like I’m getting blamed for it all.  I hate that.  It’s one of those things that just make me want to crawl into a nice little hole and never come out.  I won’t do this, I’ve come to far emotionally to ever want to go back to that place where it’s just not worth it to try to have relationship, but when situations like this come up – it does seem to re-inforce the fact that people are not safe and just can’t be trusted to care for me, just the way that I am.  I hate having to feel like I have to be fake or pretend that I’m somthing I’m not.  If I can do something….I will tell you!  If I can’t do something……I’ll let you  know.  I’ll give you the grace to not live up to my standards, and I won’t expect you to do something just to make me feel better.  I’d really appreciate if others would grant me the same mercy and compassion, and not think that certain situations were all my fault……’cause they’re not.

Like the title of the post says……I feel like my life is a big huge mess right now……It wil get better…..I know it will.  I’m just struggling today.  Maybe I’ll feel better after a big cry….and then again, mayeb I won’t.  Maybe I won’t feel better until I’m holding my little one, and ignoring the world around me in that amazing, yet super-tired babymoon period.

In positive news……I did start and finish painting the baby’s room, and we even have the crib set up.  The crib bedding is available for pick up from UPS afte 1:30pm TODAY, and the other pieces of furniture are to be ready to pick up on the 26th – hopefully!

Only 7 more weeks…..although this week isn’t even over and it’s been draggin on for way tooooooo long.  I don’t know how I’ll make it to the end…obviously I will, and it will just be one day at a time, but from where I’m standing…….It’s looking like a LONG 7 weeks!

Thanks for listening/reading/whatever……..

Have’s – Need’s – Want’s

Well, This one might get long…..I’m just warning ya…….don’t say I never looked out for you…..’cause I do……..and if you’re interested in baby “stuff”…..you might just want to keep reading……..or if you just want to know about all the stuff I have, and need and want……..can I use any more of these…………..can I?

CribWell, I have this crib in it’s box, down in my garage.   Doesn’t it look nice?  Ignore the crib bedding, ’cause we are getting that Frog and Bug set that I showed you in the last post.

I had a really hard time with picking out the crib set because I really wanted something that all matched, and yet I didn’t really want plain white furniture, and I also didn’t want to pay five million dollars for the set.  These things are freaking expensive, and unless you go to a speciality store – it’s hard to just find a “set” in one of the local stores.  We did find this set at Sears, but had to order it all in.  We didn’t actually think we were going to be able to get this set because the crib was NO WHERE to be found, and it couldn’t be ordered in to arrive in the store until the end of July, and seeing as it’s possible that this little guy could arrive at the end of July…..that wasn’t really an optionas far as I was concerned.  Jon called the store here in town, and surprisingly enough – they had THE ONLY one of this crib in the lower mainland……nice eh?

armoire.jpgSo, we did get the matching set of the Armoire and the Change table.  I also anguished over the color of the wood stain.  Was the cherry too dark?  I knew I didn’t want the really light colored, blond wood, but did I want the medium colored wood, and which shade.  I thought that I found one that I liked.  It was called a walnut and was a dark honey color, but we couldn’t find the matching pieces that went with the crib.  I finally went with these three pieces, and although I didn’t really like the type of crib (the back side is taller than the front side – it’s not very traditional, and I was looking for something more traditional as first) at first.  I really like it now, and can’t wait to get the whole thing set up in nursery.

Change tableI’ve never had a  change table, and so this is a whole new experience for me.  Can you believe it?  Three kids, ten years, and never a change table……I’m so excited…I’m a bit giddy.  It’s a nice height too.  I still need to get a change pad….it doesn’t come with that little piece, although you’d think with the price that they could throw in the pad as a bonus. 

The Armoire and the Change Table are both on order and should be arriving on June 26th.  Well within appropriate time limits for set up in the room.  Another thing that I like about this set is that Iit will just grow with our little guy.  That is a 3 in 1 crib, and converts to a toddler bed, and then a double bed.  The change table converts to just a regular dresser if you take the railing off of the top, and the armoire will just be the armoire.

lilypadz.jpgNext on my list of things that I have are these amazing breast pads.  Just click on the picture to go to the website.  It has a whole ton of information, but to summarize….these are reusable silicone nursing pads.  They kind of “stick” to you and they don’t leak, they don’t show through your clothes, and if you had nice perky boobies than they claim that you don’t even have to wear a bra.  That would never work for me, but I love the fact that they are reusable, washable, and don’t show through your clothes.  On-line they are selling for approx $20US plus shipping.  I bought these off ebay.ca for approx. $17 including shipping.  Yah Me!

I’ve already posted about our travel system that we bought – that is the Infant Car Seat and the Stroller.  It was our very first purchase for this baby……so I won’t repeat all the boring details about that.

My sister in law has lent us a swing, high chair, playpen, bassinette, and an umbrealla stroller.  I was overwhelmed.  A friend of our’s also lent us a swing, a baby bath tub, ad some clothes.  Another sister in law gave me some of her boy clothes ’cause she is having a little girl…..I’m so excited for them.

I haven’t totally gone through all the baby clothes to see if I have everything – like undershirts and socks and sleepers – but I plan to do that after the Armoire and Change Table arrive.  I don’t feel like going through everything and then putting it all back into boxes.

On to the NEED to get items……

We’ve or rather that should say I’ve decided that I want to cloth diaper this baby.  I like the idea of paying a set amount for the diapers and not having to continually bleed out money for disposable diapers over the next 2 years.  I’m also planning on using reusable cloth diaper wipes……read that to say rags for butt cloths.  This is not to say that I won’t be using ANY disposables, because I know that I will……like if we go on holiday’s this year…there is no way that I’d take a weeks worth of dirty diapers home with me, and I’m not going searching for a laundry mat half way through either.  I’d use disposable wipes during that kind of time as well.

Bum GeniusCloth diapering is not the same as it was 10 years ago when Geli was born.  They have THE MOST AMAZING cloth diapers now.  They are basically like a disposable, but you wash them…..no pins, no folding, no plastic pants.  These are the ones that I want.  They do have everything from the ones I’ve described all the way back to plain, old fashioned squares that you fold and cover with pants.  I do already have some fitted cloth ones that you need a diaper wrap or plastic pants with, and will definately use those as well, but they are mostly the medium size and will fit a 15-25 pound baby.

I do have a ton of washcloths to use for wipes, but still need to order the diapers from Raised in Reusables.com  It’s a big wack of money to pay all at once, but they fit from birth all the way until they grow out of them, and like I said,  in the long run – I’ll pay WAY less than I would if I used disposables…..I figure that they should pay themselves off in about 6 months or so.

Diaper BagI still need to find a diaper bag, and the one that I absolutely LOVED is not available any where that I can find…….sucks – so I need to keep looking for something suitable and that I like.  That seems to be the biggest issue…..me liking it – when did I become so picky.  Like I said in the previous post about the bedding….I’m not really into “cutsy”…….I still want to look like I’m a grown woman, and not a baby machine with all the cartoon widgets and accessories dripping off of me.

How to find the balance within a budget……..that’s the challenge, eh?

I do still need to pick up the little nit picky things like butt cream, Lansinoh Cream, a diaper pail, cotton balls, Q-tips, The Infant First Aid stuff (Tylenol, Rubbing alcohol, Gripe Water, Digital, in Ear thermometer, etc), a nasal aspirator, blah, blah, blah………I also need to get a couple of nursing bra’s, but I saw some on sale at Motherhood Maternity that I should really go and get. 

Again, I’m picky – I MUST have underwire, and believe me when I say I MUST!  Without the strongest support possible those bad girls fall down to my belly button.  Okay!  I probably should have TMI’d you all in advance, but come on – It’s nothing I haven’t shared with you all before and you know I’m all about the honesty, besides I wonder if any of you will have even made it this far.  If you have – Don’t give up ’cause I’m almost done……really…..it’s the truth. 

Back to the Nursing bra thing for a minute.  My most favorite nursing bra EVER has been discontinued, and I’m a bit disoriented and terribly disappointed by that fact.  It was underwire, with extra support AND it snapped open in the front in the middle, and not at the top.  It’s like losing a best friend.  I shouldn’t be that upset, but I am – but no worries, I’ll get over it pretty quick….

Moving onto things that I WANT…..obviously these are things that are not so important as the above mentioned items, but still…….

Moby WrapI’d LOVE to get a sling to carry the baby in, and not just any sling, but a MOBY WRAP…….in chocolate. 

That would be this brown color you see here.  Basically this sling is a giant peice of stretchy material that you can wrap in a variety of different ways and can carry a baby from a preemie all the way to 35 pounds.  The cool thing is that you can be hands free and the baby’s weight is evenly distributed across your back and body.  The baby can be worn on your front or on your back, and facing in or facing out.  You can nurse in this thing, and it even looks cute just over top of your clothes…..meaning that if you tie it on before you head out to the grocry store you don’t look like a complete goof, and you’re ready to just slip your baby in leaving your hands free to push the cart and grab for your other children as they flail down the aisle touching everything thay can see…..it’s a real bonus in my mind.

I’d also like to get a breast pump.  This is one thing that i”m not firnly decided on.  I don’t work outside the home and I’m fairly comfortable nursing anywhere, so it’s not like I have alot of reasons to use a heavy duty electric pump.  I would like to have a bit of a stock in Medela Pumpthe freezer just in case, so do I get a manual (that I hate ’cause they make your hands cramp) or get a light weight electric……and if so…..which one?  There are so many out there.  I think if I had the choice I’d go with the Medela Single Delux Electric Pump, but it seems like an exravagance, and so we’ll have to just see how it goes.

I think that about does it for this installment of Baby produts.

I did have a Doctor’s appointment today, and I was going to lump everything all together, but I think that I’ll just quit for now, and if I can get a decent picture from tomorrow when I’m actually officially 32 weeks pregnant – I’ll tell you all about it then.

For now, I really need to go to bed.  It’s 12:22am, and I have Xandra’s birthday party tomorrow!  YUCK!  The only good thing about that, is that after 4pm tomorrow.  It will be done, and I’m so looking forward to that moment.

Well, If you’ve made it this far – I applaude you!  I’ll let you few select people know that I’m going to be having a baby pool, where I’ll give away an actual gift to the person who guesses closest to the actual delivery date and time…..so keep that in the back of your mind, and I’ll officially announce it – in a much shorter post – coming up some time soon.

Oh……….If you have any really cool baby items or gear that I MUST take a look at, let me know by e-mail or leave the link in the comments so we can ALL know about them.  I’m always on the lookout for baby things that make your life easier or just more fun!