26 Days to go…..

Well, I’ve managed to balloon my feet and legs (up to my calves) back to epic proportions.  I spent the whole day on Sunday on my butt and with my feet up, and by this morning they looked almost normal again.

I really needed to get somet stuff done around the house today, and so I’ve been on them most of today.  I’ve also been wearing pants, and so I’ve not really been watching them.  Apparently they’ve puffed up without feeling too terribly puffy – that’s a good thing and a bad thing.  Good ’cause they don’t hurt like they did on Saturday night, but bad ’cause I didn’t even feel how puffy they actually are.

Oh well, I’ll probably just sit around the rest of tonight, and then spend a bit of tomorrow on my butt as well.

It’s kinda like a not so fun game……let’s see if we can keep Patti’s feet from sweeling up so bad that they pop…..it’s not a very fun game at all.

So, I’ve had only two guesses about when my baby might come, and so right now either of those two people stand a better than likely chance that they’ll be correct.  I know that I have more people than just two who read here, so COME ON……just guess….who knows…you might even win a prize.

I’m thinking about getting a gift certificate to either somewhere local – depending on who wins, or even to some place like Amazon.com or some other on-line store,,,if it’s someone from the States…or maybe even Corsica????  Hint, Hint!!!!!

I am almost ready for this baby to come, and really if he came right now – I’d survive everything exept for if he had to stay in the hospital…then I’d survive but I’d freak out. 

I think because I’ve been so busy today – I’ve had a butt load of Braxton Hicks, but nothing that is able to be timed or getting any closer or stronger, and really they are just more annoying than any thing.

I did finish the baby blanket that I was crocheting.  I’m glad, although it’s too hot to be using it on the baby anyway.

Well, that’s my update for today.  Not very exciting, but it is was it is….my day was not very exciting today.  Mostly just a day filled with getting stuff done…and not even exciting stuff….just boring mundane stuff.

How was your day?  Drop me a note in the comments and leave a guess if you haven’t already. 

He’s a Confident Little Chap……

Jeremy is the youngest child in our house…..at this exact moment.

AND…..he has two older sisters.  This means that we have butt loads of girl stuff around the house.  Barbies, and dress up clothes, pink bikes, girl books, girl coloring pages, pink boots………this is only just a bit of the girl stuff that we have laying around.

This is not saying that we don’t have boy stuff also, just not quite as much, and sometimes when money is tight, we don’t always buy an item, if we have a suitable alternative – even if it’s girlie.

For exmple, we have a bike that is the perfect size for Jeremy….well, he’s getting too big for it now, but it was perfect for him, and the only problem with it was that it was pink.  Aside from that, it was the perfect size, and in perfect condition.  Soooooo, rather than just buying another bike just because it needed to be the “right” color – Jeremy has been rockin’ out the pink bike for about a year.

We did get smart, and started buying the girls some stuff that could be handed down.  For example, Xan’s current bike, that we will probably hand down to J and get her a new one, is red.  A perfectly gender neutral bike…..not only in color, but also in style.  We’re learning.

Disco King in His Altered Shiney Pant SuitHaving said that, Jeremy really doesn’t seem to care what other’s think of him.  Sometimes this worries me – that whole social concept thing that he seems to be missing or sturggling with – and sometimes I’m thrilled that he’s not going to live him life under the same fear of pleasing man that I did.  This is a little boy is who quite happy to play legos and Barbies, and to dress up in the girl’s dress up clothes and pretend to  be a disco dancer.  He is also equally happy to be grubbing in the mud, and playing war games and wrestling with Jon or pretty much anyone who will have  a shot at him.

 He finds his own unique way to live life.

Jeremy’s just recently decided to roller blade.  My dad gave him some roller blades a couple of years ago, and although Jeremy was keen to try them…….it was hard to convince him to wear them any where but the carpet and the grass.  The cement was WAY TOO SCAREY, ’cause he’d slip and fall down.

For some reason, he just put the roller blades on a couple of weeks ago, and started skating all over the place.  He’s not Olympic team material or anything, but he can rock out the pink helmet like it’s no body’s business.

Officially 36 Weeks Pregnant and the Baby Pool

Here I am…..one more week into this journey.  It’s hard to believe that I will be holding my baby within the next 4 weeks.

YAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I am so excited, and a little bit nervous. 

How are we going to handle having a brand new baby around the house, AND dealing with 3 older kids at the same time.  It’s going to be an experience, that’s for sure.

I  have started to swell.  Well, that’s not entirely the best description of it.  My feet are HUGE…..and so sore.  I woke up this morning and it hurt to walk on them, they were so sore….AND….I have no ankles.  It sucks!  I don’t ever remember swelling this badly with any of the other kids, but this is my first time being at the end of a pregnancy in July…in the heat…..it’s lovely – really it is!

Oh well!  Hopefully, it’s not for much longer.  I don’t want the baby to come before next weekend, but any time after that would be okay for me.

I did have my 36 week appointment on Friday, and have booked my last couple of appointments with the OB.  We’re down to weekly visits and that’s so cool.

My bood pressure was perfect, and I had gained a few pounds more than I was really happy about.  Dr. Shone was so nice, and said that it was all that fluid I was retaining.  HA!  Yah right!  I only hope that’s what it is, and not just a whole bunch of fat sitting on my rear end.  I officially weigh 205 pounds, and I really wanted to end this pregnancy under 200, but seeing as that’s not going to happen, now I just want to stay under 210.  Not that I WANT to gain 5 pounds in the next couple of weeks, but let’s be realistic.  I doubt that I’m going to gain NOTHING, so I’ll be a bit more than 205, but hopefully not much.

He asked me about the time frame that I delivered my other children in.  It was kind of nice to be able to say 1 week (Angelica), 3 weeks (Alexandra), and 2 weeks (Jeremy) EARLY!  I do hope this one comes early, but hahving said that, please don’t be offended if I don’t respond if you pose that fabulous question that every pregnant woman dreads…..”Haven’t you had that baby, yet?“  Believe me, you all will be among the first to know.  I’ll let you know when I go in (barring an emergency – which I’m not expecting)  and I’ll let you know just as absolutely as soon as I can…………sooner, if possible.

This all nicely leads up to a fun little contest that I’m going to be holding.  I’m still working on a prize, but come on……isn’t the contest just fun, too?  What was that?  You want a prize…….ya, I figured as much!  Jon said to just send out a picture of the baby, but seriously – if ya really want one of those, you can just rip one off of either here or flickr ’cause I’m sure I’ll be posting WAY TOO MANY, and at that point, we’re just going to change the name of this blog to “Patti had a baby and here he is!” 

So, like I said, I’m working on a prize or maybe even two, and as soon as I come up with the PERFECT prize, I’ll let you know what it is.  Until then, if you’d like to play along, send me an e-mail to patti@xangelle.com with your guess of date, time and weight (if you want to), and I’ll post them up in the side bar.

Just so you can make an informed guess, I’ve had 3 full term pregnancies, and the stats go like this….

Geli was born 1 week early and weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces.

Xandra was born 3 weeks early and weighed 8 pounds and 3 ounces.

Jeremy was born 2 weeks early and weighed 8 pounds and 8 ounces.

So, if you want to play along, send me your guess and we’ll both hope that you win….unless you guess something ridiculous like 2 weeks late, and 10 pounds and 14 ounces, and then I’ll be praying that you lose…..’cause that’s just mean and nasty.

I’ll be waiting for your e-mail.

30 DAYS LEFT

Wow!  It seems like it shouldbe a big deal…..or a big day…….or something…..

I only have 30 days left.  That’s one month!  As of Saturday I will be 36 weeks pregnant.  It’s almost hard to believe that I’m so close, and yet – I think there is still a part of me that is unbelieveing that it’s actually this close to happening.

I had my last Naturopath/midwife appointment on Tuesday.  She is going on vacation, and hopefully I will have had my baby before she gets back.  I wasn’t seeing her in official midwifery capacity, but she has been unbelievably amazing.  I actually had a bit of spotting on Tuesday morning, and she checked everything out, and everything is okay, and in her official opinion I won’t have this baby too early. 

As much as there is a part of me racing and rushing to get to the finish line – I don’t want this baby born before it’s all okay.  Yes, the baby would live if born now, and would suffer no long term health issues, but I might not get to take him home the next day.  While that might not seem like a big deal….I’m  not leaving the hospital this time without my baby.  I don’t care if I have to sit in a chair in the hall.  I don’t want to have to walk out of that hospital empty handed again.  It was too hard the first time, and I don’t want to do it again for any reason.

I have an appointment tomorrow with the Obstetrician, and then I start in on my weekly appointments.  Wow!  It’s getting so close, and I’m getting so excited.  I am trying to wrap things up this week, so I can just relax, and take it easy the last couple of weeks.  I may still need to wrap the last few things next week, but then….hopefully then….I’ll be ready…..REALLY READY!

I will never ever again be pregnant with this little one, and I want to enjoy and cherish every moment that I do have with him sstill inside of me.  Soon enough he’ll be here, and then life changes……for the better…but also for the tireder and for the busier and…….

Well, I’ve spent the day today cleaning the house, and I have to finish getting ready to head in to see Chris tomorrow.  Jon’s parents are going to take the kids overnight, and so we are going to be able to get a few more things crossed off the “to do” list, and in a whole lot less time than if we had the kids asking for us to buy everything single thing their little eyes set on.  So, it will be a busy weekend, and not terribly relaxing, but that’s okay if I can just get everything done that I need…and want to.

12 Years Ago……Today

Jon and I got married 12 years ago today.

I’m a little late in getting this post up….as in…..the day is almost over, but hey – better late than never, eh?  And…..well…….I contemplated putting this up tomorrow, but figured that if I could at least get it up today, then all the congratulations and money that we’d get would be worth the little bit extra effort of my part….ha ha ha ha!  I’m not expecting any congratulations, but the money would be nice……..

Okay, being serious now…..I’m going to have to find a whole lot more to say ’cause I have a TON of pictures that I wanted to show you.

I may just send you to my flickr page to take a look at the pics that I uploaded as opposed to dragging this out into a super freakin’ long post of me just rambling on and on and on….how am I doing, so far…..

See, I’ve just made it to the end of one picture.  I’m doing good! 

Seriously though, we were so young, and don’t ask me what I was thinking, ’cause Jon looks like a baby…….

I was a cradle robber….well, I guess I was technically younger than him (so he was the cradle robber), but I don’t look like I’m 14 years old.

We got married at 19 years old and 20 years old.  I look at some teenagers now, and can’t believe that we got married at the same age that some of them are now.  I can’t believe that our parents let us….were we that bad that they wanted us out of the house, and were willing to marry us off to accomplish that goal?  I can’t imagine marrying Geli off to someone Jon’s age when she was my age…..It seems ridiculous, and yet we did it.

I think that the fact that we were friends for almost 6 years before we got married has played significantly into how we’ve managed to make it through the past 12 years without killing each other.  We knew quite a bit about each other, and weren’t walking into this thing called “marriage” with our eyes blinded by love or lust or whatever you want to call it.

We’ve had our hard times – in fact years 5-7 were not so happy or easy or whatever.  I know that a lot of people struggle through the first couple of years, but I think because we were friends first, that we were able to make it all the way to year 5 without too many “issues”. 

At that point, the combination of unforgiveness, selfishness, 3 kids, financial stresses, lack of quality communication, and a bunch of other things made our lives not pleasant.  I’m not trying to be a downer, but this is reality.  Marriage is work, and anyone who thinks otherwise needs to be slapped.  It’s not a fairy tale.  It doesn’t have to suck either….that’s not what I’m saying.  It just requires effort.

We had determined in ourselves that we were in this FOREVER!  Divorce was not in our vocabulary.  It was not an option when we were fighting to say – “Okay then, just leave me!”  Although at times, that would have made things a lot easier (in the moment) – it wasn’t an option. 

I remember during some of our darkest times, thinking that I had two options, and I wasn’t particularly happy with either one.  My options were to either stick it out in a very miserable marriage and just be miserable with where we were at, OR…..I could decide that I didn’t want to stay where we were at, and I could be willing to work things out.  Obviously, it didn’t make much sense to me to remain miserable, and so I basically HAD to work things out.

When your options are to be miserable forever or to getting working….it’s quite the motivator, ’cause who wants to stay miserable forever.We have spent a lot of time working on our marrige, and it’s WAY better now than it ever has been before, and it’s not perfect yet.  We still get mad at each other.  We are still selfish, imperfect people (me more than him), we still have issues with communication (him more than me), we still fight over stupid stuff…….I could go on forever…..that doesn’t sound too good does it……
The thing is, we are learning HOW to fight. We are learning what to say, and what NOT to say.  We are learning how to comunicate without killing each other in the process.  It is possible to fight, and to walk away in a better place then when you started.  I hate fighting and walking away with nothing resolved.  Even if the entire issue is not resolved, if you can take one step forward, then you’re better off than when you started.  I love that we are learning to really hear the HEART behind what each other is saying, and not just the words.

Probably the BEST book we ever read was Love and Respect by Emerson Eiggerichs.  It’s an amazing book that talks about what Men and Women want and need out of a relationship.  Amazing, AMAZING book!  I recommend that if you get it, you do so, to read the sections for you – not for your spouse.  It never works to highlight sections and then leave the book sitting in the bathroom conviently open to where you want him to read it…..believe me…..it just doesn’t…..don’t ask HOW I know that…..just trust me.

Even if you are the only one in your relationship who reads the book, and applies the principles – you will still see fabulous changes in your marriage.  Seriously!

I read the book about a year before Jon did, and although I will admit that by the time he read it – I was ready to kill him, ’cause he ALL OF THE SUDDEN had these amazing insights and revelations……..and like I said……I can be selfish and petty and…..to be completely honest….I really have to work on forgiveness.  It doesn’t come easy to me.

So, his amazing revelations were old news to me, and I was mad, hurt and not interested in cooperating, but again…..going back to the whole….are you going to live in misery for the rest of your life or start working on things……….I’m not interested in a life of misery and so…..let’s get working on stuff.

It’s been up and down over the 12 years, but I’m looking forward to where we’ll be at in another 12 years from now. 

I’m in this for the long haul, sweetheart, and I’m so glad that you are too.

Having said all of that, what would you have said or thought if you had woken up to this on the first morning of married life…………..

35 Weeks Officially

35 weeksSo, here is the official 35 week photo.

The closer I get to the end, the more important it is that I actually get there….I only wish the time was passing faster.

I got some terrible news today.  Ever since losing Nathaniel in January of 2005, I have been a part of an Internet Bulleitn board for women who have experienced loss.  Most of the ladies have had miscarriages, but a few have had still births.  There have been tons of the ladies that had losses around the same time that I did, who have since then had a healthy baby, or even two.  Unfortunately, some of the ladies have had more losses, or haven’t been able to get pregnant since then.

It was an amazing place for me to find, when I felt so all alone, and like I really didn’t have anyone who understood what I was going through.  I could ask questions and find answers, and just be frustrated, and give support as new ladies came along.  It’s been a wonderful support system, and I believe that I’ve made some friends over the past 2 and a half years.

This morning, one of the girls who has had multiple losses along side of me, had a still born baby.  She was 37 weeks pregnant, and the cord was wrapped tightly around her son’s neck.

This has kind of thrown me for a loop. 

To make matter’s worse, our little guy has had a particularly quiet and still day today.  Yes, he has been moving, but not quite the usual kicks and squirms that I think are usual.  I’d be lying if I said that getting this news hasn’t bothered me.  It’s so hard to think that this lady lost her child, and she was so close to the end.  If he’s been born one day earlier, he would/could have lived.  It’s situations and circumstances like these that I don’t understand.

If you could, I’m asking for prayer.  I’m asking for prayer for a friend of mine (Emily) who just lost her baby (Jack).  I’m also selfishly asking for prayer for me and my baby.  I really want this baby to live and not die, and to be born safely, and when it’s supposed to be.

We are getting closer and closer to being ready for our baby to come.  I’ve told Jon that everything has to be basically done for the 21st of July.  That’s when I’m 37 weeks.  After that, it will just be a matter of tidying and washing and sorting and folding and putting things away.

We bought some shelves today.  I wanted to get some shelves to put above the change table, and found some that didn’t really match, but they were close and would have worked, and they were $15 each.  So not too expensive.  We were at RONA today, and found some unfinished ones for $7.00 each, and bought a can of stain for $15.  It worked out to about the same price for the 2 shelves and the stain, but these shelves are a bit wider which I’m happy about.  The other ones were fairly narrow, AND once stained, these will be very close in color to the furniture we already have.  YAH!

I also found the cutest frog for the wall.  It’s actually a hanger thingy.  It has pegs, that you hang stuff from……do you know what I’m talking about?  So basically, the frog is sitting on a piece of wood that has 3 pegs in it, and you can hang stuff on the pegs.  It’s cute!  I’ll post a picture – you’ll LOVE it!

Also, the NICEST thing happened today…..the sales associate at the RONA thought that Jon and I were in our mid twenties, and that this was our first child.  She thought that we were just looking after the 3 kids that were with us, and was absolutely SHOCKED when Jon told her that we’d been married for 12 years.  I’ve never been told that I looked younger than my age, so I was pretty surprised….Maybe she was just being nice…..who knows….who cares….It was a nice complement and I’m not going to over think it too much.

Well, here’s to the end of day one of being 35 weeks pregnant.  I can’t wait ’till next week when I’ll be even one week closer to meeting this sweet boy of ours.

Hurting and Crying

Did you ever want to just unload EXACTLY how you’re feeling, but you can’t do that ’cause you’d hurt other people.  People that you loved and cared for…..and so you keep it all inside, and then it builds up, and you feel like you’re going to explode or implode or whatever…..

I’m having another down day.  I hate this.  I hate these days.  I hate it when the things that I’m feeling come crashing down in on top of me, and I dont’ know what to do with them.  I just want to ignore them, and I wish they would all just “poof” go away.

I’m worried about Chris.  I’m worried about my family.  I’m worried about this baby, although that particular worry is way down on the list of things to worry about.  I know it’s just a matter of time – but I hate the “time” factor.

I feel like I’m being crushed under a HUGE weight of stuff that is WAY TOO HEAVY for me to be carrying especially when I’ve got my own stuff to “Carry” right now.

Maybe I just need to go and have a good cry, and then once some of the pressure is relived – I’ll feel better.  I’d love to believe that, but crying, isn’t going to change anything right now.  Everything that I’m thinking about is still going to be there, unchaged when I’m done, and then I’ll have puffy eyes, a raw nose, and a wicked headache to boot…..and seriosuly, who wants to deal with all of that.

I have my lists of stuff to do, and don’t even feel like doing any of that.  I dont’ know what to do with myself.  I did get the baby’s bag for the hospital packed yesterday.  Yah Me, but there is still so much more to do…..not tons of stuff, but just some stuff.  I feel like for everything I cross of the list, that I add 2 or 3 more things, and my list only grows longer, and not shorter.

I’m not sleeping well, and so I’m sure the “tired” thing is not helping.

I know that I can’t fix any of the things that I’m worrying about, and I’m not trying to.  I know that I can’t change the situations, and I’m not trying to.  I just hurt so bad when I feel other people hurting, and I hate that I can’t take all the hurt and make it go away.

I realize that everyone has their own paths to walk down, and that everyone has a choice as to how they travel their particular path, but it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt for them, and all they are going through.  I wish I could control the situations, and just say, “Do it this way…..it would hurt so much less in the long run.”  But I can’t, and I know that.

 I still hurt……for everything that’s going on right now.

Maybe “down” days are no good for me…..I slow down too much and end up thinking and feeling overwhelmed.  Maybe I just need to keep going full force, until I have a complete mental and physical breakdown…that sounds about right doesn’t it?  Ha Ha!  Just kidding!

34 Weeks, 4 Days and counting………..

34 weeksWell, here it is……..the highly anticipated 34 weeks shot.

I know that you were all just dying to see this weeks fabulous shot, weren’t you?  You don’t really have to answer that…..

I need to make a progression shot to show you.  You can really see a difference in the past couple of weeks.  When our sweet boy was breech, I was carrying much higher.  Not so much now, and I can feel him squirming and almost burrowing down into my pelvis.  It’s weird feeling, and I’m trying to savor every single one of these feelings as this may be my very last time I am ever pregnant.

I keep trying to tell myself that I have 6 weeks left, but who am I kidding?????  I’m really hoping that I don’t reach August still pregnant. 

Just to clarify, I don’t want to have this baby any time before the 21st of July.  That is when I’m officially 37 weeks, and really the last few days of July would be perfect – as far as I’m concerned.

I’ve told Jon that basically we have to get EVERYTHING DONE by the 21st, and then I just have to plan and keep myslef busy after that.  Not like that is really very hard – I’m having a harder time slowing down and actually “making” time to do the things that really need to get done.

Today was almost a down day, and I’ve tried really hard to make tomorrow into a down day. 

I had another Chiropractic appointment today, and he said that basically at this point I’m outta luck……I’m probably going to keep flopping out of place ’cause of all the hormones in my body that are relaxing everything for a nice and easy delivery.  I could come in twice a week, and I’d still be “out” the next time I came in.  Also, he is going on vacation ’till the end of the month……doesn’t he realize that I need to be adjusted before I give birth?  How inconsiderate of him?  I’m just really hoping that my OB doesn’t announce that he’s going on vacation also…can you imagine?

I’d be just slightly stressed.

So anyway, I had a Chiro appt in Walnut Grove, and then had to pick up 5 Kooshies All in One diapers that I’d purchased for half price from a lady who so very conveniently lived in Walnut Grove (I found them on the Vancouver Craig’s List – how cool is that?), then I had to run down into Langely to pick up some vitamins for Jeremy, then I swung past my Dad’s warehouse/office which is right beside the Ladybug Organics store to pick up some bread…….I told you it was alomst a down day, didn’t I?

After that, I came home, and pick up Jon and the kids and he had some running around to do, and I went grocery shopping, and then came home and made Xandra a Roast Beef Dinner with Yorkshire Puding for her birthday dinner……we’re only 4 days late…that’s not bad!  I also worked on cleaning the house.  It was brutal, and now it’s in good enough shape that I may not have to really do anything tomorrow.

That was kind of the point.  It’s so crazy busy, trying to get in to see Chris, and then being so tired when I get home, and the mess just piles on top of other messes, and then I’m buried and tired and all I want to do is sleep.  The harder thing is that I’m starting to swell at night if I’m on my feet too much during the day….so I have to watch that also.  It’s not an indicator of any problems….it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I may take it easy all morning, and then get going and pick up a few things that I still need to get from a few different stores for the baby…we’ll see!  I may just need a stay in my ‘jammies day.  I also should really plan out the rest of the weeks menu, and finish up some admin stuff for the week, but we’ll see.  I was going to go in to see Chris on Thursday, but it looks like he’ll be having surgery to remove some pins from his wrist/hand, and seeing as I have the kids – I probably won’t take them in to just sit around VGH for the day – they’re good kids, but not THAT good!

Well, I have my next pregnancy related appointment, next Tuesday with the Naturopath, and then the Friday with Dr Shone, and then I’m 36 weeks……

It seems so far away, and yet like I said I’m trying to enjoy every last minute that I have.  I know that it’s easier to care for the baby inside of me, even though I wake up at 2:30am, and come out and check my e-mail and get a drink and go pee, that the tired I feel right now, is NOTHING compared to what I’ll feel like after the baby is born.  I still want my baby in my arms, and not inside me, but…..one day at a time……I’ll get there…..it’s coming soon.  I know it is!  And I still have some things to do………not to mention a bit more work on getting my kids to pull their own weight around the house.  It’s been a bit “interesting” around here, with the kids trying to do as little as possible.

I figure I only have a few more weeks to crack down hard on them, if I want the extra help after the baby is born.

Well, I’ve rambled on long enough…..now I’m going to bed to read….

I Will Definately Be Ready…..

I had my 34 week check up this morning.  I won’t be “officially” 34 weeks until Saturday, but he is in the OR and at the hospital all day tomorrow – which is my usual appointment day – and so I went in a day earlier as opposed to waiting until Tuesday for the next appointment (’cause of the holiday on Monday).  And after how bad last week was, I don’t think I could have gone until Tuesday with out knowing some things are going.

I knew that I was stressed out about the position of the baby (him being breech), but didn’t realize exactly how badly until last night.  I was preparing for bed and thinking…..How am I ever going to fall alseep knowing that I find out tomorrow whether or not he’s changed positions or if he’s still breech?  It took me back to the beginning of the pregnancy when I’d be doing the same thing the few days before my next appointment only wondering if the baby would even be alive, and if we’d see that beautiful little heartbeat.

 I know that compared to him being alive or not – worrying about the position is kind of silly, but it shows a few things…….

Although I still worry about the possibility of a still birth, that particular worry was overshadowed by the baby’s position, and  whether or not I would have to have a c-section……that tells me that I’ve come a long way.  To have the fear of death overshadowed by something as insignifiant as “how” this baby would be born……

Just the fact that I believe, more often than not, that this baby will be born alive is HUGE!

I do still worry.  I don’t know that I can completely stop it.  It doesn’t consume my every waking moment, but I’d be a liar if I said that I don’t think about it occasionally….okay maybe a little more often than occasionally…….but I am doing better.

Good news is……physically I’m doing fabulously, AND the little bugger is head down and face back.  As of this morning, he was in the premium position for his arrival.  This was the best news that I have heard in a while.  I’m so excited.  It’s funny, ’cause I’ve been trying really hard to play the “name that bump” game, and it’s not been going so well.  I actually thought that he had his back to mine and that he was facing out toward the front. 

This little guy moves funny!  Well, I’m not sure if it’s all that funny, but from what I can remember, it’s different from the last three.  With them, I could definately tell which end was which, and whether the bump was an arm or a leg or an elbow of a knee.  This little one has been keeping me guessing……..little stinker.

Our furniture came in on Tuesday, and Jon put it together, and I LOVE it.  It does fill in the already tiny room, but how much room does one little baby need any way.

I’ll take pictures, but I need to find some “stuff” to decorate with. 

The doctor told me to pack my bags, ’cause any time after Saturday, he’ll be happy to meet the little guy.  Not that we are expecting him to come this early, but I think my Doctor’s just trying to make me feel better…….not much will do that until I am actually holding my baby.

I am trying to tie up all the loose ends and finish the  room and the  pick up the rest of the baby stuff.  There are still a few things that I need to get.

I am still waiting for the diaper bag to show up so I can pack that, and I have to figure out what I want to take to the hospital.  I should probably also go and check out the hospital, and see if I can pre-register.

I wondered if we should sign up for a pre-natal class.  There is one that is just a refresher, but I don’t know if it’s really worth it to spend the money and take the time out of our freaky busy schedule unless things have drastically changed in the last 7 years.  Which I admit is possible…..7 years is a long time and lots of things change……I don’t know…..I’m waffling on that one……

I keep making lists, and then losing those lists and making new ones, and then remebering more stuff to put on them…….AAAAAACCCCCKKK!

Oh well!  I’ll surivive….alomst only 6 more weeks until we meet our sweet little boy, and I’ll be ready for him…..BOY, WILL I EVER BE READY!

Not so Messy!

Thank you so much those of you that commented or e-mailed.  It really means a lot to know that you are thinking of me and that you care.

I’m doing much better….and so I figured that I should let you know as opposed to just staying a big huge mess. 

While certain things have not really been resolved  – I don’t know if they ever will, and so once again I’m just kind of dropping the issue.  There doesn’t really feel like there is anything I can do to change the situation, and so I will just continue on and hope that one day I won’t have to face the pressure and expectations to be or act like someone I’m not.

I still feel stressed about Chris, but until he is all better – I will probably think about and worry about him, but the immediate pressure of him being transferred and how upset it made him and Nina and mom is lightened.  He seems to have adapted fairly well, and is getting better little bit by little bit.  So, I just keep hoping and praying and trusting that God is holding him and Nina and is carrying them through all of this.

The baby stuff – well, that’s kinda still there too, but it seems like the overall pressure of everything has back off to a much more managable load.  So, while I’m still feeling the stress and pressure – it’s at a much more managable level, and so I continue on.

I had a chiropractic appointment today, and it felt amazing.  He’s straightening me out and the hopes are that the baby will straighten out and turn and then I won’t have to have a c-section.  He gave me some amazing rate that his clinic and him personally have of babies turning on their own just by them using this “Webster’s” technique.  I felt so much better, and that alone was almost worth it even if the baby doesn’t turn although I belive he will.

I have an appointment on Thursday, and will find out if the little guy has turned yet or not. 

Diaper BagThe Lilypaz came in the mail today, and it’s kind of fun and exciting to be getting stuff  that I know I’ll be able to use soon. 

I’ve ordered a diaper bag from E-bay and it’s beautiful.  It’s nice ’cause it’s not frumpy looking, but I could just carry it around as a purse.  Isn’t it pretty?

I like it, but still want to try and find a way to get that other bag from JC Penny.  We even called their customer service department and they walked us all the way through the ordering process, and we found out at the end that there are some issues with the diaper bag being sent up across the border……or something like that……the end result is that we will have to either go and get one or there is some way to have it brought to a special address just on the other side of the border and we just cross the border and pick it up and bring it back………such a hassle for what basically amounts to a purse.  Silly, ain’t it?

Bebe au Lait Cover UpAnother baby item that I forget to mention in my other cool baby items post are these cool cover ups.

They are called Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover Ups.  They have really neat fabrics.  There is  piece of boning in the top of the cover up so that it kind of stands out so you can see the baby without having to struggle with the sheet.  The strap around the neck is connected by twp D rings, so you don’t have to worry about the cover falling down and exposing you.

I’m not terribly concerned about nursing in public.  I’ve done it with all my other kids and really once you’ve given birth a few times and nursed a few times – there really ain’t all that much modestly left.  But……sometimes other people are uncomfortable with nursing and these are so pretty and if it helps others to be more comfortable then why not.

Mostly, I just like them and want one.  I’ve even comtemplated asking my mom to just make me one.  It couldn’t be that difficult.

And I got a baby gift today from a friend today….little froggy stuff.  It was so cute……..she’s so sweet, and due so soon herself…..now if only she’d update her blog once in a while…hint, hint, hint!

I’ll have to take some pictures and show what she gave ’cause it’s just so darling. 

Wel, I’ve rambled enough for now, and i need to go and put my youngest (for now) into bed.  I promised him that we’d cuddle tonight.