9 Days To Go…………

9 days to goSo, as some of you mave have noticed yesterday was a bad day for me.  What was that?  You didn’t notice???  …..y’all are so sweet.  Ahhhhh! Anyway, Thanks for playing along.

Today is a bit of a better day, although I’m still feeling like I’m too close to the egde of losing it.

Yesterday was an “all day wear my sunglasses” day.  While that in and of it’s self is not entirely abnormal for me to do….yesterday it was a serious coping mechanism.

I did spend a big part of the day trying desperatly not to cry, and then grateful for my glasses that gave me at least the feeling of it not being so noticable.

I’m just too close to the end, and the pressure of the past couple of years has caught up, and I just want to hold this baby in my arms, and not in my stomach.  It doesn’t help that Jon is stressing in his own way about wanting the baby out as well.  I feel like I have so much pressure on me, and yet I feel so out of control…….ahhh…there it is again….my old friend and enemy….CONTROL…..I hate you too!

There is nothing that I can do but wait, except maybe to all my Drs. office, and fall apart…but I have too much pride to do that….

Seriously, I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but getting pretty close.

If you don’t know why I’m stressing about what should/could just be another typical pregnancy, you can read here, and here and here and here.

The whole story is not there, for each one, and in some it just references what’s happened over the past couple of years.  Long story short….I had Angelica in 1997, Alexandra in 1998, and Jeremy in 2000.  Then I had 4 consecutive losses starting at 25 weeks pregnant, 16 weeks pregnant, 12 weeks pregnant, and 5 weeks pregnant.  Not fun!  Not fun at all!

So, this pregnancy has been a little bit stressful…….okay a whole lot stressful, and I don’t feel really safe, even yet.

Moving on from that little bit of background…..

So, here I am with 9 days left to go until my Due Date, and well……I’m here.  I’m bored.  I’m stressed.  I don’t feel like doing anything.  No amount of praying and walking and squats and anything else I’ve tried has worked.

I know, in my head, that this baby will come eventually, but I want him NOW!

I even know that 9 days is not a super long time.  It feels like it looking at it from right here, but I know it’s not.

It could be because I’m healthier than I’ve ever been that I’m not having this baby early, but really – that’s not making me feel any better.

I don’t know if you can tell because I’m doing a whole lot of whining, but I really am doing better today.  I’m typing and not crying…..first way that you can tell that I’m doing better.

Well, once again, I have NOTHING planned for today, and it’s too freaking hot to be out walking in the sunshine in the middle of the day.

Weird thoughts and ponderings…..I am wondering about the size of this baby.  I’ve had pretty big babies considering how early they were, and I’m not sure if that had something to do with how much weight I gained or if I just have ginormous babies.  If it had to do with how much I gained, and the crap I ate, then this baby still has a chance at being a normal size.  If I just have HUGE babies, then this one should be a monster ’cause the last two were over 8 pounds at 4 and 3 weeks early….just over, but still over……

Also, if you’ve noticed that I seem to just be rotating my pictures that I’m putting up every day…..well…I must explain.  It’s pretty hot out here in the Valley (mid 20’s to low 30’s), and I have two tank tops, and two pairs of capris.  So, I wash and rotate and wear pretty much the same thing every day right now.  (I’m too close to the end to want to spend any money on anything new……mind you I could go out and look for some tank tops to wear after the baby is born….I need some that aren’t spaghetti straps to cover the freakin’ huge straps of the nursing bra’s….might do that today if I feel up to it….but I might just do nothing……my life is so much fun!)  I am actually taking a picture every morning of me….well, Jon is, and so what you are getting is the real deal, and not some recycled picture from a few days ago.

Gotta go, Xan wants to play a ard game with me……hope you have a great day.  Talk to you tomorrow!

10 days to go

10 days to goAugust 1st…..how I despise you…

I’ve never been pregnant this long, and while I know that LOTS of others go late….I NEVER HAVE.

I’m tired.  I’m not sleeping well.  I’m feeling emotionally unstable…..it’s been too long that I’ve been wanting to hold my child.

I cried this morning in bed at 6am after already being awake for an hour and a half……Jon please don’t ask me about it……I don’t want to talk.

Everyone else, please don’t say anything either.  I’m letting you know how I feel, but I’d rather you just leave me alone to try and cope.  I am trying to hold myself together, but it’s not working very well.

On a positive note, I had a FABULOUS Chiropractic appt yesterday, and while my hips still hurt, I feel so much better, and yes, the pregnancy related carpel tunnel symptoms were as a result of a severly bunged up neck……That’s been re-aligned, and I’m feeling much better.

My grandparents are over for lunch as so I must go.

Hope your day is great.  Please just pretend that I’ve not said any of this, and feel priviledged that I’ve shared some of what I’m feeling, but let’s just pretend that I didn’t really say anything………and go on with your day.

Thank you!

11 Days To Go

11 days to goAlrighty,  So here we are at 11 days to go, and so far today I have nothing exciting to report.

I could just whine alot……I’m so bored, and going to sleep at night is probably the most exciting thing that happens all day, ’cause it means that I’m one day closer to holding this baby.

The only problem with that is that I’m not sleeping very well.  I think that’s because my hips are out, and……AND…..so I called my chiropractor this morning, and I have an appointment today at 4:15pm.  I’m so exited.  I could have kissed the receptionist when she said that they could fit me in today.

I thought that at the earliest, that I might get an appoitment tomorrow, but to know that I won’t have to go through another night of agony…….Ahhhhhh sheer bliss!

I also woke up this morning, with what I think is the beginning of pregnancy related carpel tunnel.  The first three fingers on my right hand were tingly and numb.  Thankfully, I won’t be pregnant much longer, and possibly the chiropractor can do something about that as well.  I know that my shoulder on the right side is freaky sore, and the muscles are in brutal knots and that could have something to do with it……..I told you I could whine a lot in this post.

Well, My day as it’s planned so far……..to run to the quilting store and find some material….then lunch, then a non-stress test at the hospital, and then off to Langley for a chiropractic appointement.  Then dinner, and just kicking around hoping that something happens and I have this baby…….other than that…I plan to sleep, and then wake up tomorow, and update you again with my nothingness.  Sounds like fun, eh?

I know I’m thrilled!

Oh, and as of yesterday’s Dr.s Appointment.  I weighed 203 pounds.  When I had Geli I weighed 214 pounds.  So, I weigh 10 pounds less than when I had her…..that still blows me away.

I’ve gained exactly 25 pounds so far with this pregnancy.  I’ve never done that.  While that might not mean much to you…..it’s huge to me. 

12 days to go

I don’t have a picture today, and I’m already in my pyjamas, and ain’t gonna take one now.

Watch me have the baby tonight, just ’cause I didn’t take a picture on the last day of my being pregnant…….that would sound just about right.

I did have my Doctors Appt this morning, and he did sweep the membranes again, but I was still 3 cm dilated, and apparently I was 70% effaced last week (10 days ago) and this visit I was 80% effaced….so it’s some progress, but really not much.

He said that I am SO ready to go, but we’re just waiting for whatever the trigger is to kick it all into gear.

Waiting!  More waiting!  Oh well!  He also said that he’s not going anywhere int he next bit, and so I don’t need to worry about him not being around for the delivery.

And…that’s about it.  I really wanted to have this baby tonight, but I guess tomorrow would be good too.

Come On, Little One!  Come out so we can meet you?  This isn’t an indicator of how you’re always going to be making us wait for you, is it?

13 Days to Go

13 days to goToday has been a very busy day, and that’s why I’m so late with the update.

Really, there is no update, but I can still blather on about my day, and take up some space.

We got up and went to church this morning, and then after church we decided to drive into Coquitlam to Baby’s World to get a Hooter Hider.  When we got there, they were all sold out, and so we headed into Vancouver to Granville Island to a children’s boutique that sold them.

I picked one out, and then we decided to head up the road to VGH to visit Chris.  He’s been transferred to VGH to get his leg drilled out ’cause there’s infection in the bone.  Not nice or fun, and it basically sets him back to the beginning stages of healing as far as his leg goes, but the Drs. have said that this is not uncommon for an injury of this type to end up with infection in the bone.  We visited with Chris, and it was nice to see him.  It’s been about 2 weeks since I’ve been in, and I was able to go ’cause Jon was with me. 

We hung out for a while, but the kids were a bit scrambly, and we finally just left. Which worked out okay, ’cause Chris was going to take a shower…..

We came home, and some good friends showed up to hang out this evening.  We got the kids off to bed, and hung out just chatting.  Now it’s 10pm, and the day is spent…..another one down………

I have an appointment with my Dr. at 9:20am, and will let you all know what he says.

I’m frustrated, and want this baby to come now, but also realize that it can and will come any day now……it’s not like I’ll be pregnant for another 4 months….it’s just a waiting game…I just have to keep myself occupied until it happens…..if that’s possible.

Oh, I gave the Hooter Hider to Mom, and she’s going to make somehting similar for me with some different fabric.  I think that I’ll go tomorrow to a cute little quilting shop here in town, and check out the amazing fabrics that they have.  It would be nice to have a few of those, so that in case one’s in the wash – I still have another if I need to use it.

Oh well!  Another day down, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings………

Officially 38 Weeks Pregnant

14 days to go

 Well, I had hoped that I wouldn’t make it this far, but obviously I have.

Yup, today marks week 38, and I’m so glad it’s here, ’cause now I can just move on and I’m one day closer to holding my little baby in my arms.

I believe that, and yet there’s a part of me that’s just a little bit hesitant to even write that down……

I hate that.  I hate that there’s still that little bit of fear.  I even had one lady at the store today ask me what was wrong…..I didn’t think I was giving off any strange or negative vibes….but she said that recently I’d seemed worried or preoccupied or just not as happy as I have been……

That’s so weird to be called out by someone.  Must be what othre’s feel like when I call them out….. 

I’m just not used to the tables being turned…..that and I’m not really used to strangers in the grocery store paying that much attention to me….

Oh well!  Monday…If I can only make it ’till Monday then I have my next appointment with the OB and we’ll see what he says and what’s going on from there.  I’d love to be a few more centimeters dilated, and have him say, “Oh let’s just send you in and get this show in the road.

I’ll let you know.  Did any of you check in today, and wonder about my lack of posting…..I’m sorry, if you did.  We just had a bit of a slow and busy day.  Not that it was particularly busy, but we got up late, and got going late, and then went grocery shopping, and picked up some fruit and veggies from the little market, and then came home and a friend called to see if I wanted to get together for a coffee or something.

French ManicureOh, and I went and got my nails done today. 

Those are actually my nails, but I just got a french manicure air brushed on to them.  It was only $8.50, and so not a bad extravagance if you ask me. 

It was funny ’cause after the guy finished doing them, one of the other people who worked there came over and said, “Oh they look so pretty…just like fake nails.

Funny that my real nails look just as pretty as false nails.

Oh well, now to see how long the manicure lasts.  I really wanted a pedicure, but to be honest with you I have really brittle toe nails.

Any of you have any tips on how to deal with that?

See, the problem is that if I cut my toe nails, they don’t usually just cut nice and straight across.  They are so brittle that they will cut the first bit, but then they break, and usually at a bad or awkward angle, and then the WHOLE TOE NAIL IS RUINED!  So, I let them grow out a little too long, and then have to spend FOREVER filing them down.  I haven’t tried cutting them after soaking them for a bit, so maybe I can try that, but I hate to wreck them, and so that’s partly why I’m hesitant to let someone else “have at ’em.”  It’s just not worth it to me to have them destroyed and then to take FOREVER to grow them back out to a nice length.

Jon's StreaksAlrighty, now that I’ve wowed you with a bit of my superficialness, I thought I share what we did / are doing this evening.

 Jon’s been after me to do his streaks for a while now.  I have been too tired, but knew that I had to get it done.  He usually asks after we get the kids down to bed, but by then I’M SO TIRED, that doing hair is the LAST THING I want to be doing.

Tonight the girls were at a birthday party for the little girl next door, and today had been a pretty easy day, and so I figured that I wasn’t going to get any less tired (especially after the baby came), and so we whipped out the box of bleach, and I’ve stressed myself out.

It could go  either way.  I could have done a fabulous job, or it could totally suck, and I might have to “fix” it tomorrow by adding low lights to it – if I’ve made it too light.

I tried to make it even about 50/50 natural color and blond, but who knows…..I’m no expert hairdresser – I just muck around, and if I mess it up the first time, then there’s usually a pretty good chance that I can fix my mistake.  As long as you don’t mind that, then I can muck around with your hair.

He’s gone to wash it out, and then if it’s not too bad, I might even atempt to cut it a bit.  My sister in law showed me what to do, but that was about 6 months ago, and we’ll have to see if I can remember any of it.

Oh well!  If I mess it up really good, then I’ll take a picture and we’ll all have a good laugh before I fix it.  Nothing like a bit of laughter at someone else’s expense, eh?

Well, I’m off!  Hope you’ve had a good day! 

15 days to go………..

15 days to goI’m almost 38 weeks pregnant.

I have about 2 weeks left to go.  I remember being about 2 weeks into this pregnancy, and thinking that I’d be so blessed if I could make it another 2 weeks, let alone to the very end.  I’m very excited to be here.

I had another Non-Stress Test today, and our little one’s heart rate was a bit higher than normal, but he was also freaking out in there, and so they just figured thatjust like us adults – when we move around alot our heart rate goes up, that because he was so active that his heart rate was up.

They monitored me for about twice as long as they have before, and then said that all was good, and that I could go.

It was a bit insane on the Maternity Ward today, as two ladies had just come in ready to deliver…….and so things were hopping.

They had been complaining this morning that things were so slow…..and someone said that this was payback for them complaining.

I only hope that it’s slow when it’ s my turn.

Well, if it was possible to walk a baby out, it would have happened last night.  We (all of us, Jon and the kids) walked for over an hour, and I was very proud of the kids, ’cause they only started to whine in the last ten minutes or so……

I keep waking up about 4:30am, and then staying awake for an hour or two.  This morning was more of the same…it’s frustrating when I know that I’m tired, or at least I will be, and I wish that I was sleeping when the kids were sleeping, ’cause when they get up – it’s difficult to stay sleeping ’cause they get into things. 

Oh, and a FABULOUS story to tell.  I had this great idea that Jon could give the kids a hammer and nails, and some wood, and string, and they could make some sort of fort/tent creation out in the front yard.  I figured it would occupy them for a bit, and give them something to do other than watching TV…they haven’t fully remembered how to just “play”…..it doesn’t help that I’ve been tired, and haven’t felt like fighting with them, and sometimes it’s just easier to let the “babysitter” keep their attention.


We sent them out to “create” and they did prety good for a while.  They came in, and then after a bit I had to leave for my NST at the hospital.  The kids had tied the ropes to the car, and so Jon and I undid them.  When I went to back up, it felt like I had run over something.  I pulled forward and asked Jon to check.  NOPE!  Nothing there.  I started to drive back again, and he yelled for me to stop. 

The kids had placed a nail under the tire, poking up into it, and they wanted to see if it would poke into the tire when someone drove away. 

Yah!  Nice, eh?

So, I didn’t want to get to the hospital, and find out that the tires had gone flat, and then be stuck there so we loaded the kids into the van, and Jon was going to drop me off at the Hospital and then go and see if he could either get the tire patched or if he needed to get new ones.

While on the way to the hospital, the kids informed us that they had actually stuck nails under both of the back tires.  Sweet! 

So, long story short………or at least shorter……….we have brand news tires on the back of our van, and are $350 poorer.  What a day!  What fabulous, creative, inquisitive children we have…….gotta love ’em.  At least they keep things interesting around here. 

16 days to go…and a little bit of a Reality Check….

9 months with GeliGetting here, to this place, has not been an easy road.

I am almost 38 weeks pregnant, but it has been a long and often rocky road to get here…..and it’s required a huge amount of effort and sacrifice on my part.  Before January of 2005, I was so naive.  I thought that once you got pregnant, you just trucked along, and maybe felt a bit tired, and a lot sick, and then you popped the baby out, and went on your merry way.

I realize that I’m simplifying things a ton, but after we lost Nathaniel my whole world changed.  I was no longer innocent and naive.  I had suffered a HUGE loss, and my liffe would never be the same.

I had 3 other losses after Nathaniel, and by the last one – while I hoped tha I’d be bale to have another baby – I wasn’t so sure it was actually possible.  We ended up going to see a Naturopath, and I had to change my lifstyle.  No more eating whatever I felt like, and I had to take all these supplements.  BUT, if it resulted in a live baby at the end of the journey – I still had that much hope that it might be possible for us to have another child.

9 months with XandraI cut out wheat, dairy, sugar, yeast, coffee, and chocolate.  I’ve cheated a little bit here at there, and after Chri had his accident and we were up in Kamloops and SOOOOOO tired – I started drinking a soy latte for a bit of a boost, and have continued with one cup a day.  It doesn make it more difficult when you are tired, and your kids are whining for something, and all you want to do is be a bum, and get them some chicken nuggets and fries, and instead you have to make a real dinner…….whine, whine, whine, whine…….  It’s made a huge difference in my life, and now that the whole family is eating like this – it does make it easier to stay on track.  It’s kinda hard to stuff a bowl of ice cream in your face, and tell the kids that they can’t have any.  Just to be honest…..it’s not that we haven’t ever cheated, it’s just that those times are few and far between, and I have to actually make the decision knowing that I and they will feel like crap after we’ve finished whatever we’ve decided to cheat with.  It’s weird how that works….eat crap…feel like crap.

I’ve managed to make it to the end of this pregnancy, and as of yet have only gained 25 pounds.  Every other pregnancy I’ve done at least double that.  I am very pround of the fact that I’ve not ballooned up to epic proportions with this pregnancy, but to be honest it’s only because of the food I’ve eaten, and the supplements and vitamins that I’ve taken…’cause I’ve mentioned it before….I hate exercise…..with a passion, and have not done really anything worth mentioning as far as exercise goes this pregnancy.  Bad me, but I don’t feel that bad about it…..maybe I should….but I don’t!

8 months pregnant with Jeremy
Any way, for your viewing pleasure……and believe me – some of these should make you laugh..even if only the hair, and not the double chins…… are a bunch of shots of me pregnant with Geli, Xan and Jeremy and even after I had Jeremy…..’cause apparently I didn’t get the memo that I was supposed to stop gaining weight after I had him, and I just kept going……There are a whole bunch more with descriptions on Flickr….you can just click on any one of these beautiful shots, and it’ll take you there.  Think of it as your laugh for the day.  I know that I’m 5 foot 10 inches tall, and I have people who say that I look good no matter how big I’ve gotten….just to put it in perspective…..I am 202 pounds right now.  There is not one picture in Previous Pregnancy set where I am less than 215 pounds, and most of them are closer to 225 pounds or more…….Gotta love stress eating….I did my fair share of that…So, If I get around to it, I’ll post a pic of me from today, but most likely I’ll just continue on tomorrow……..

I had one more guess for the baby pool…..any one else?

The prize will be a $25 gift certificate to the store of your choice (local – if you are local and want or on line if you are anywhere else or if you just want an on-line certificate).  Basically, I’m just giving away money………sounds fun, doesn’t it?

and now we’re at……..17 days to go……

17 days to goAlrighty, so once again….nothing exciting to report.

Sorry to have kept you hanging if you’ve been back here a hundred times today looking for an update, and thinking to yourself……….”Oh, does no info mean that she’s having the baby?

As you can see by my picture, NOPE……still pregnant.

I didn’t figure that I was having the baby today, and so I decided that I’d go shopping.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t the kind of shopping that I enjoy, as it was……..shoppping for school supplies.

After spending WAY TOO MUCH money on freaking school supplies, and not even being finished…….I came home, and went for a short walk with Jeremy.  He was happy for the one on one time, and it did absolutely nothing for me.

So, I’m almost finished shopping for school supplies, and only have a few things left to pick up.  ONe more thing off “the list” of things to accomplish.

Although, this one wasn’t a “have to finish” before the baby came.  I just figured that I’d get it done, and then hopefully I’d beat the back to school rush, and not have to do it after the baby came home when I was tired, and that I wouldn’t have to do it with  FOUR KIDS!  That one was the kicker – if you ask me.

Front View at 17 days to goI did manage to pull some pics of me from when I was pregnant with all three of the kids, and that is the real reason as to why this post has taken me until now to publish.  I was going to post those fabulous pictures, but need to scan them first.  Seeing as that hasn’t happened, and I’ve been exhausted after dinner, and don’t feel like doing anything then…..I’ve decided to put it off until tomorrow.

So, hopefully……..I’ll get my act together and get the scanner from down in Jon’s office and scan those beauties tonight…..or maybe I won’t, and I’ll do that tomorrow morning when I have NOTHING ELSE PLANNED TO DO. 

If nothing else, this picture to the right is an AMAZING advertisement for my Naturopath.  She has managed to work a miracle, because I’ve NEVER looked like this at almost 38 weeks pregnant, and to be honest…..I’ve not really looked this good for the past…….well…….probably since before I got pregnant with Geli…..and that was a long time ago.  I tried on a shirt this morning that I had a hard time fitting my fat arms into even when I thought I looked pretty good and didn’t weigh too much.  Guess what?  It fits everywhere except through my gut.  And not even a “squished” fit…….I was pretty excited.

Well, that about does it for today’s edition of absolute rubbish.  I’ve had one person “revise” their guess for the baby pool, are there any more of you that want to add a guess or change your existing one????????

Thanks for playing along.  Thanks for reading and leaving comments.  Thanks for your love, support and prayers.  Thanks for being here for this ride…..it’s been wild, and I hope it ends soon, so another one can begin.

and now there’s………18 days to go…..

18 days to goAnother terribly boring day with not really anything exciting to share.

I feel almost like I’m leading you on…..really…I have my babies early……honest I do……and now………NOTHING!

I know that I’m still early, but for some reason I had really hoped that this baby would come early….like……really early……not too early that it wasn’t safe, but early enough that I wouldn’t be sitting here bored to tears, but with not enough energy to really go and do anything.

I did have my big exciting NST (non-stress test) today, and there is absolutely nothing exciting to report from that except that apparently I have to be admitted to the hospital EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I. GO. IN……

I have to go through admitting, and pick a number, wait in line, and re-register, get my paperwork, and THEN go up to Labour and Delivery, and pee in the cup, and get on the bed, and get belted onto the fetal heart monitor and the contraction monitor, and sit there for half an hour and listen to my baby’s heartbeat (this is probably the best part) and then click a button every time I feel a movement.

The reason that my Dr. ordered this test was to make me feel better, but really, the only thing that’s going to make me feel better is if I HAVE THE BABY.

It doesn’t help that some poor woman was being admitted to be induced, and I’m actually further along as far as dilation and stuff goes.  SUCKS!

Well, I still have to pick up a box of chocolates to give to the nurses for when I go in, and then really and truly – I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO DO.

I also have to wait until MONDAY to get to go in ans see my Dr for my next visit.  He’s going to a convention on Thur, Fri and Sat, and won’t be back on until Monday.

How will I ever survive 6 more days?  I know I’m whining, and really and honestly – I feel good physically.  I’m not complaining too much especially when there are those I know that have gone WAY PAST their due dates, and I’m pretty certain that I won’t have to.

The hardest part of this for me is the mental and emotional stuff.  I feel like I’ve been waiting to be pregnant, pregnant and waiting to give birth for so long (it’s been over 3 years) and I’m so close to the end, and to have the finish line in view, and to not be there yet feels like torture.  Especially when you factor in all of the other losses, and the emotional upset that loss of innocence and naivety brings with it.

I know it will happen soon, but some how soon just isn’t soon enough!  Any more guesses for the baby pool?  If your date has already passed, you are free to guess again………

Just remember that it’s the person closest to…without actually going over the date and time……weight is just for fun…….