Questions for ya

okay, so it’sbeen a while since I had to deal with this…

Siah woke up with a fever this morning.  I’m really not into giving medicin to my kids unless its really necessary. 

My question is this, at what point do I worry for real……obviously I’m worried rght now, but when is it serious?

He isn’t coughing, and his nose is only running a little bit.  His temp got up to 38.5 in his armpit and so if you add .5 then it was up at 39 degrees.  At that point (8:30am) I did give him some Tylenol and now his temp is at 38.1  or (37.6 under his arm).  He was not very energetic before the tylenol, but now is just a little off from his usual self.

He’s pooped, peed, laughed, nursed and seems to be okay…..

Do I just wait and watch?  I hate dealing with this…He was 6 months old yesterday and this is our first fever…… sucks!

So, what do you suggest? 

Blowin’ Raspberries

we did go to the Naturopath, and I have a TON of stuff to tell you.  In some ways it’s overwhelming…..good overwhelming, but overwhelming none-the-less….and so to stall for a bit of processing time…Here is my baby boy withone of his new skills…..of course you get me screeching in the background and Xandra – just for fun….

See the eczema on his cheeks…it’s so sad.


‘Siah had a flare up of ezcema last night.  How frustrating is that? 

We have  an appt with the naturopath today and i’m hoping to get some answers and hopefully some “options” of things we can try to do.  We also should be getting the results of Jer’s Hair analysis and that might be able to offer some insight into his world as well. 

I’m actually taking all 4 kids AT THE SAME TIME into the Dr. office.  Nuts, eh?  I think that jon is coming with me although he seemed quite stressed out about it all this morning so we shall see.  I just cant fathom all of them at once in the little office.  Eeeeek!

The whole eczema thing is bugging me…..he also barfed ALL FREAKING DAY yesterday. So obviously something I ate hit him funny, but what..and why???  It annoys me that I was the healthiest with him and thathe seems to have it the hardest of the kids……maybe that isn’t really the case.  He’s the happiest, and most easy going of my kids, and he’s sleeping through the nights and nurses like a champ.  things are actually going really quite well.  It’s just the food intolerances and eczema….so frustrating.  And I’d really like a HUGE piece of cheese right now or a giant piece of pizzza.  Can you tell that I’m frustrated?  I want to self-medicate with food….not good.  Maybe this wohle food restriction thing is not  bad thing after all..I have to learn different ways to cope with my stress rather than just stuffing my face with food  it never makes me feel better anyway, but it sure tastes good.

Hmmmm….well, I’ll update ya if there’s anything good to update.  Later!

I’m not Alone

While I was in Toronto last week, Jon’s laptop had a minor mishap….it…um…died!  Badly!  Like gone, never to be salvaged……it was……..a pretty crappy situation.

I got a text on Thursday night that said that he thought his computer had died, and when I finally got the message on Friday morning and called him at 6:30am his time……hee hee hee…..he was freaked and seriously stressed.  That stressed me out, and we had ourselves a serious stressed out time together, but 3 hours apart from each oother on opposite ends of Canada (almost).

He basically didn’t sleep for the next couple of days as he tried to retrieve the lost data… didn’t happen….and ended up getting himslef an unbelievably sweet Mac.  The 24 inch iMac.  It’s unreal and I’m trying hard to not covet it.  It’s that delicious.  I have no functional use for it, but it’s HUGE and fast and has a partitioned hard drive so you can run both Windows and Macs OS X (Leopard).  I really have no idea what I’m saying, but it’s HUGE and OH SO PRETTY!

That’s all a bunch of useless info….well, it’s not, but it’s not terribly necessary to tell the story that I’m about to tell.

Jon went into Vancouver to pick up this “thing of beauty” and my grandparents came over in case Jon wasn’t home by the time the kids walked home from school.  He wasn’t, and so it was good they were here.  I have the best grandparents……they are MY grandparents…not my kids grandparents….doesn’t that make them even more amazing……’cause you know they are older than dirt….Ha Ha Ha!  Just Kidding Grandma.  I love ya – just had to tease you.  They are actually really young Great-Grandparents to over…I dunno… a million great grandchildren.  Apparently we really take that whole “be fruitful and multipy” thing seriously, eh?

 Anyway, WAAAAAAAAAAY off topic here……….

Apparently, the girls took a looooooooong time getting ready after school and so Jeremy came home by himself.

Grandma asked where the girls were, and he replied that they were still at school.  So she asked if he had walked home alone.  He replied very simply……No, I was not alone!

She had a look to see if anyone had walked home with him and could see no one.  So she asked him who had walked home with him. 

His reply………GOD!

That’s not exactly what I was thinking when I said don’t walk home alone, but cute Jeremy, very cute!

I’m Home

I Love Toronto!  It is cold, but it’s a dry cold and WAAAAAAAAAY nicer than our slop weather that we have here.

‘Siah did great during the whole week that we were gone. He is such  happy baby and such a little trouper.

Our flight there was…….eventful, and really……….. in a funny way.

I didn’t get to sleep on Saturday night (or should I say Sunday morning) until after 1:30, and I had to be up at 3:30am to make sure that I was for sure ready to leave the house baby and all by 4:30am.  Nice, eh?

I vaguely remember thinking to myself…..Hmmmm, Josiah didn’t poop today – I really hope that’s not an issue tomorrow on the flight.


First of all, we were in a row of three seats and my friend and I were in the window seat and the middle seat…..and yes, they sat a poor lady in the aisle seat right next to us.  I felt so bad for her.  I knew I would have to get up to use the toilet and to change at least one diaper on the 4 hour non-stop flight.

I also knew that I’d have to feed him, and that he’d probably kick her (he’s really long) and that he might whine or cry at some point, and at the very least that he’d just talk…..and he “talks” really REALLY LOUD!

The airplane took off, and Josiah was nursing as we took off so that his ears would pop and because it was just time.  Just after the seatbelt sign went off, I smelt this funny (bad funny) smell, and figured that it was the baby across the aisle….there were 3 babies on this plane….but then Josiah let rip with a HUGE fart and started oozing ALL OVER THE PLACE.

He was in a disposable diaper, and I don’t use disposable diapers except for one overnight, and we had the most serious and unbelievable blowout ever in Josiah’s history.  I don’t have blowout’s with the cloth diapers, but this was an amazing blow out.

I had poop on Josiah’s clothes, and all over my lap, and all over his recieving blanket and his big cuddly fluffy blue blanket.  It was unbelievable….and I had to some how get new clothes and diapers and clean him up and myself up and needed to get out from the middle seat ….so, we did manage to get somewhat tidied, and made our wy back to our seat.  I had just got settled back in, and continued with nursing him, when……….he pooped all over again.  Fortunately, this one stayed inside the diaper like it was supposed to, but the lady in the aisle seat had just gone to sleep and I had to wake her up to crawl past her…..

By the time we made it to Toronto, all 3 of us, my friend, Josiah and I were covered in barf, and poo.

It was such an “experience!”

But, aside from the mess, Josiah was a happy baby, and our trip was great.

I’m still trying to catch up from the time difference as well as the late nights and early mornings… I’m tired, but it’s all good.  It’s good to be home, and back in our little (somewhat) routine and on our (so called) schedule.

I wasn’t here for the anniversary of Nathaniel’s birth/death, and we have yet to “do something” to remember him.  Maybe this coming up weekend…..I’ve not really sorted all my thoughts out about this.  I have so many different thoughts, some conflicting, on this whole thing.  Sometimes it’s just easier to not think about it……

But, I’m glad to be home….even if I did walk right back into what feels like a war zone, but that’s a story for another day.

an anniversary of sorts – guest post

today is Nathaniel’s third birthday.  Alexandra had to remind me at dinner time.  There is a lot going on: Patti is in Toronto at a conference, I am trying to run my business and take care of all the kid details at the same time…

This is exactly what I don’t want to happen, and yet I feel it is inevitable.  I had a son.  I held him.  I kissed him.  Right now as I type, I can vividly see him in the dimly lit hospital room.  I remember where I was sitting and how I held him.  I remember the feelings of confusion and not knowing what to do, and not knowing how long I should hold him, and how quickly I should let him go.  I wish I had held him longer!  What I don’t want to do is forget all this.

Now three quick years later, my 8 year old asked what we were doing for his birthday… (For the last two years, we have gotten helium balloons and written on them with permanent markers and said a few wishes and let them go.)  I want to be the father of 8… 4 living and 4 have moved on…

Life has a way of moving on and focusing on the present realities, or even on present opportunities, but makes light of past actualities.  Things have happened that have defined me, have become a part of me, have taught me all about compassion in a way I wish I were still ignorant it… but in the here and now, I (we) focus on what is in front of us, or what is currently required of us.

In the first year since Nathaniel, not a day went by that I did not think of him.  Now three years later on his birthday, I did not think of him once, until I was reminded.  I guess that is how life goes, but I don’t like it… HE IS MY SON!



I miss you.  I see three year olds, and I know you would have been taller.  Your brothers and sisters were all big for their age.  I miss knowing who you would have become.  I miss knowing how much like your mom you were and how much like me.  In so many ways I am glad I got to hold you; to kiss you.  I’ve fought in my mind to keep you present in my mind and in my heart, but I haven’t done as well as I would have liked.

You are my son!  Nothing can take that away!  No matter how long you lived, you are my son.  No matter how well behaved, you are my son.  No matter what you attained, no matter what mistakes, no matter how hard you tried or how little, you are my son.  There is nothing that you could do to become more of a son, and there is nothing you could have done to become less of a son.  And so you get what sons (and daughters) get… my love.  My sons and daughters get all the love I have, unconditionally!  I know that you can see me from where you are and I know that you know my thoughts.

I love you.  Happy birthday.

Does it get any better or easier than this?????

I know I’m not even 6 months into this new baby thing and the fact that the early years with the other 3 kids is just a blur should tell me something, but I have such high hopes for myself and what I can or will accomplish and then…………

……it’s d


That was my post that I started on Thursday and then we had a power surge and the computer froze and I was certain I had lost the start of my entry and I was so discouraged about it all that I just walked away.  Does that say anything about my frame of mind these days.   I’m so frustrated that I’m not accomplishing anything….or I should rephrase that to say that I’m not accomplishing as much as I was (and am) capable of doing in my pre – 4 kid days.  Again, I wouldn’t give up ‘Siah for anything, but it continues to be an adjustment.  I do actually belive that you can be grateful for something and still whine or complain about how hard it is…….someone we know had a special needs child – it’s their only child and they love this child so much….dealing with him on a daily basis and I think it’s completely fair for the parents to say that they are tired or discouraged or really wish they didn’t have to deal with their situation….does that mean that they love their child any less….nope….I think that they have the right to say that something is difficult and not feel guilty for doing so…..

So, here I am…this is difficult….probably more so because I have “stuff to do”.   If all I was doing was just being a SAHM – cooking and cleaning and that kind of stuff, I might not feel like I was behind in my duties, but that not all I’m doing…I have two other part time jobs and there is “stuff” that I have to get done….BUT….

::singing at the top of my lungs::


I’m going to Toronto tomorrow.  We are leaving in the middle of the freakin’ night.  4:30am…YIKES!  So, I won’t be around.  I’m still trying to convince Jon to post in my absence….so stay tuned to see if and what “crap” he throws at you….

Well, I still have to pack and I have a headache……It’s unreal the amount of gear that is required to take the baby and to make our week long stay a happy one…..I really hope it’s a happy one…it will royally suck if it’s not happy……and not just for me, but for my girlfriend that I”m rooming with……

‘Siah  is an AWESOME baby, but we will be off schedule and not at home…..I do hope it’s all good…..of course I’ll keep ya updated when I come back and I’ll probably have loads of pics of Josiah’s first plane ride…..’cause I’m dorky like that….have a good one people.

Just a sec….

Roof is okay..I haven’t left you….even though it looks like it.

One of my most favorite-st-est people in the whole entire world arranged for Jon and I to go away for the weekend……wait for it…..wait for it……..



Okay, we still had ‘Siah…but really he’s still tiny and is the most difficult easiest one to take care of.  She farmed the other 3 out to family and friends, and we had an entire 4 days to only take care of ourselves……it was absolutely heavenly and I’ll be back in a bit….or maybe tomorrow… catch you up on it all.

Are You Kidding Me?

So, I woke up this morning to a funny noise…… kept happening almost rhythmically and sounding like one of the kids was upset with Jon and hiding in our room and flicking a cardboard box to try and get someone attention.

Well, I got the cardboard box part right……we have a leak.


It’s in the corner of our bedroom.  This is a picture taken at 8:22am.  When I woke up at 7 something it wasn’t quite this big of a wet spot.  YIKES!

The Landlord has been phoned and we’re just waiting to hear back from him.

Here’s an up close shot…….

‘Cause I know that you were just ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS, hoping for a blurry up close shot of my soggy ceiling.

I’m headed out to the Naturopath for a follow up visit for Josiah about all that nasty dairy allergy and skin stuff and all that crap…..

I’ll keep you posted…..

Honestly, I keep having visions of this and I want to scream,


And On and On and On it goes

one handed typing again….baby nursing…

it’s been a bit of a frustrating day.  siah’s been sleeping in 5 minute increments and it’s getting old.  he really really likes to be held and not so much with the putting down business.  i’ll nurse him.  he’ll fall asleep and then wake up the instant i try to lay him down. gaaaaaaaaaaawk!

soooooooooo annoying. 

new years pics are up – click through on the top menu bar……sorry no videos or story yet….it’s coming, maybe?

in good news…..siah was only awake for 20 minutes last night when jon got up with him. see, i’ve not been sleeping well cause the boy likes to have a boob in his mouth all freaking night long. – one handed typing makes it difficult to properly emote while i’m typing, so pretend that was all in caps with bold and periods in between each word….pretend i’m shouting it and flailing my hands wildly around….that would about capture it right…….anyway, jon’s been getting up with him so as to try and train him to sleep through the night without nursing…if i get up and rock him, he can smell me and well……then we’re in for screamfest 2008 – which none of us really want to deal with, so it took jon an hour on monday night, an hour and 40 minutes on tuesday night and… are you ready for it…….

20 minutes last night.

i know that some of you are thinking that being up for 20 minutes somewhere between 2-3am is insane, but’s better than monday night and waaaaaaaaay better than tuesday night and we’re hoping that by the end of the week, he’ll just sleep all the way through…….wouldn’t that be amazing? ::said with soft dreamy look on face::

anyway, he’s asleep now, and i’m gonna go and see if i can finally get this little dude down into his bed so i can have my arms to myself…..even just for half an hour would be nice.

oh, and guess what else…he started blowing raspberries today – too, too cute!