I Could Hardly Wait

I was so excited that today was the first day of school, and now that it’s finally here……I really, really, REALLY can’t wait for tomorrow.

See, today is just a teaser. I had kids that couldn’t sleep last night, they were so excited that they were going to go to school tomorrow, and when I woke up to feed the baby at 4am – I found a middle sized child alseep in the floor in the hallway. Lovely, eh?

No, it wasn’t sleep walking or sleeping or whatever you want to call it. She had a whole bed of blankets and pillows all laid out. Whatever she did obviously took some planning and effort on her part, and she must have done it AFTER we went to bed around 10:30pm or so…little goof ball!

I am SO excited that it’s fall. This always seems like the beginning of a year. It’s like I get two new years…one in the fall, and the normal one in January. Do you feel like that, too?

Anyway, I was talking about today, and how I was so excited, but really it’s just a joke, because the kids are all home before lunch time. SERIOUSLY! Who planned this? Not a parent, obviously! Mind you, I don’t deal with separation anxiety and so I have no crying children wanting to be with me and no crying parents wanting to be with the children.

So, I am thrilled with my quiet moments this morning, and then will be even MORE thrilled with my quiet day tomorrow.

I think Siah is thrilled for the quiet too. It’s been a bit of a “maulled” summer. Siah has been a GIANT DOLL, and while that can be fun for the older kids….yah…not so much for the baby or the mom.

Well, I’m off to make the most of my “quiet time” They’ll be ready for pick up, WAY TOO SOON!

Some Thoughts on Community

The week of our vacation was eye opening in some different ways, and it actually really cemented some of what I want or am looking for in my life.

We had two large families – by today’s standards – in close quarters for 9 days, and we all did really well together.

It was like a huge family unit.

All our different strengths and weaknesses were apparent, and there was such a sense of love and unity and working toward togetherness…it was amazing.

This is not to say that everything we did, that everyone else agreed or even liked what we were doing, but that we trusted each other enough and loved each other enough, and truley believed that each of us had the best interests of the other at heart.

I think that in “society” today, we have such an sense of independance and isolation, and individualism and that we’ve lost a good part of the community or “village” mentality. I think that we have lost out on the support and help and the wise input from others in raising our families and also in growing and maturing ourselves.

I remember when I wa younger and lived in North Vancouver. We were a part of a local church, and there were many different people from all walks of life….young adults, singles, young marrieds, young families, parents of older kids, empty nesters, and the elderly. There was so much imput that all could have to offer and we as kids growing up in this close community knew that we always had someone close who could help us out or who we could talk to or that if we were doing something that we shouldn’t be doing, we knew that we had a hundred pair of eyes and ears watching our for us and over us.

I think that it created a very safe place to grow up in, and a very safe place to learn in and so many different views to learn from.

I think that there is something to say for having different views and insight on any given situation. It enables you to learn to think through different situations before coming up with a plan.

Our vacation was such an example of community or family at work. When I needed extra support with my kids, I always had another adult gently reminding my kids of what I had said, and I was able to offer the same support. I also love the fact, that there are different things that are important to different people, and that we can see be watching, what different things are important to different people and then you ven have the opportunity to watch and work out why those different things might be important, and you have the option of learning and growing from what they are doing. Not that you are trying to be exactly like them, but you can learn and adapt what others do to fit within your family life.

In dealing with Jeremy, specifically, I don’t feel like too many people understand him or where he’s coming from, or us and specifically us dealing with him.

Dealing with a child who has ADD can be utterly and completely ovrwheling, and tiring beyond all reason. And there are no signs that show that there in anything “wrong” with the child aside from the destruction that follows him, and the stressed out parent hovering closely by.

I spend so much of my time trying to protect both you from Jeremy and Jeremy from you.

It was amazing to me, that this past week – I was able to relax a little and to let others help me in parenting Jeremy. There were still moments that I stressed, and problems that had to be dealt with, but to feel that there was someone else that I trusted with him….that even if they didn’t completely understand Jeremy and what was “up with him” that they wanted to understand, and that they loved him and us and had our best interests at heart.

I couldn’t have said all that to you…..what I did know was that I felt safe. Safe to let Jeremy be Jeremy and safe to just be me.

Over the course of the week, Jeremy did do some things that were not acceptable. It is all related to the ADD, and dealing with things “NOW” without thinking through the consequences and having him dealing with Jason or Lise as opposed to me was interesting. It’s not that no one was upset (it wasn’t about being upset or not being upset), but that even in our upsettedness (is that even word) that there was a different way to deal with and/or explain things to Jeremy. I love that. I love that in love and trust there is safety.

I want to try and find a way to foster and grow a village for my family. I love the idea of many people pouring into my kids and even me, and I want to be a part of pouring into others in the same way.

How? How does this happen? I’m still working that through, but I think that honesty, openess and just being real – plays a big part of it.

The more open and real I am about my struggles, as oppsed to trying to put on the “perfect face” and trying to be “perfect” in front of everyone, the more others will grow to know and understand what I’m going through, and the more understanding and caring they will be.

I’m still working all this through, but it’s what I’m working towards.

Do you have any thoughts on the matter?

So, About that vacation…

We had the most wonderful week away with the most amazing friends.

We laughed, and chatted, and fished, and swam, and eat and didn’t sleep very much (that was us, not them – and not for all the good reasons *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* – nope, Siah decided to wake up once an hour every hour, and we were in a cabin with Jeremy, and I just wanted him to sleep, so I nursed him in bed with us, and well….that was the closest to just wanting to let him cry it out that I’ve got in a long time. I know that I could do that, but really, I’m not just ready yet, mmmkay….moving on!)

So, like I was saying, there was lots of fishing….

Fishin' Boy

And lots of Rope Swinging….

Working the Rope Swing

And we did a little Canoeing….

Mommy's helper

Lots of happy smiling children….

Emily & Xani

Snuggling….

Snugglin' with Lala

A little bit of…..well, I don’t know what to call this, but ihe’s just so cute!

Yah!

I have lots of pictures up and you can just click here to see them all.

Our time away was wonderful on so many levels, but it really made me aware of the need for “community”.

That is the “something really cool that I want to share”. It’s not earth shattering, but it’s just really been somthing that I’ve been thinking about and mulling over and it’s been stirring inside of me for a while and well…..I’m still trying to work it all out.

But…….I have some little monkeys that are pulling on my pants legs, which makes me think that I’ve been on my computer long enough, so I’ll be back to share my “musings” a bit later.

Long Time….eh?

I went on vacation….now I’m back…

It was AWESOME.

I have a bazilion pictures that I’m going through. trying to unpack. Take Geli to French Camp, do laundry, deal with a one year old – man are they a lot of work – buy school supplies, exercise, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I actually have something really cool that I want to share, but I gotta go to bed ’cause 5am comes around really early.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get some time tomorrow.

Talk to you soon.

While you are waiting for me….what have YOU been up to?

Letting it go….letting it ALLLLLLLLLLLL go!

So, ummmmm….thanks for letting me vent yesterday. Not like you really had a choice, because I kinda did it without asking, but for any and all who did read, and just nodded your heads and carried on…..yah….that’s about what I needed.

I needed to get it out there and then I spent the rest of the day processing and today – I am in a much better frame of mind.

I have some clarity about some things….things of which I will speak of shortly or soon or in the not too distant future, but for now….it is enough to say that I am back in the state of “being content where I am at.”

In other, completely unrelated news…Jon is giving Siah a bath because he asked for one. This kid (read that to say baby, not kid) loves the water, and I had just sat down to try and blather on and on here, and he headed straight for the bathroom, which usually means a little toilet fishing, and with certain bigger little boys who sometimes forget to flush…..not that I’m mentioning names or anything…..that can be a scary, scary thing.

So, I cut him off at the path, and he pointed towards the bath…which had water in it from J popping in for fun this afternoon. I told ‘Siah that if he wanted to have a bath that he’d had to talk to daddy. then I said, “bath” a few times and took him out and closed the door. I had JUST sat back down and he took off, bookin’ it at warp speed – well as fast as 1 foot tall chubby legs will carry you – towards my room and bathroom….this is where he “normally” has a bath….I ran to get him before he went toilet fishing in my bathroom, and when I picked him up he looked at me and said, “ba..”

So I asked him “what to do want?” and he said it again….”ba..”

So I took him out to Jon and told him to tell Daddy what he wanted and he looked right at Jon and smiled HUGE and said it again.

It’s so cute to see him start to say little words. He understands more than he is speaking, but the little words are so cute.

In less cute news, Jeremy tried to ummmmmm….use the toilet from a standing position and well…it ended badly and I had a bunch of smeary cleaning to do……Needless to say, he got quite the talking about the evils of sky dumping and why it would cost him HUGE if he ever did it again.

Geli choked down a whole plate of “meatless” tacos that she didn’t really like….which is AMAZING because to get her to try ANYTHING new is a serious challenge let alone eat something that she doesn’t like with out too much complaining….that is the key here…..without TOO MUCH COMPLAINING. There was some complaining, but not enough that it made our ears bleed.

Xani is reading everything in site, and is making it quite difficult to keep her in books. She just finished “Hinds Feet On High PLaces” and is going to be starting “Pilgrims Progress in the next couple of days…..She has a serious reading addiction, although I’m not really upset…..read, baby, read.

Jon has got so much work that he is trying to not stress out, and well…..sometimes that’s hard. Who knew that too much work could be almost as stressful as too little….who knew???!?!?!?

I’m…..well…..I’m trying to get us all ready and organized for a vacation that coming up before too long….ya know…with menu’s and bags and all the “gear” that is needed for vacationing with a baby and 3 other kids…..and I’m trying to ONLY BRING what it necessary, and not TOO much.

Alright…that’s it for now…

Will This Year Ever End?

I’m feeling a little tired and discouraged with my life today.

This has been a BRUTALLY LONG YEAR, and on top of last year when I was so stressed out from being pregnant with Josiah and really just hoping that he’d live, but not really sure if that was going to happen or not, to having him born – living, and then suriviving the first few months – dairy allregies and all….well, last year was rough, and this year has been rough, but in a whole different way.

I was commenting to someone that last year felt like a year of terror. I just lived in fear on a daily basis – I know that’s not very good, but you get pregnant 4 times in a row and have those 4 babies die and tell me that you wouldn’t be nervous or scared when the 5th time rolled around.

As I was saying, this year has been just as rough, but surrounding a different matter.

I kinda feel like this year is or has been my year of “Learning how to be content with whatever state I am in“.

Sometimes, I do better than other times. Sometimes I can be content knowing that everything will work out, and other times I get so frustrated when things aren’t going smoothly.

I’m so sick of miscommunication, and misunderstandings, and of words being used wrongly and of assumptions being made, and well……imagine living in months and months of this. It could get to you to, I would hazard a guess.

It seems like once again things are unstable, and I know that “incorrectly” – I want to just crawl into a hole, isolate myself, and then maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with situations like this anymore.

I know that’s not the “right” thing to do, but I wonder sometimes if I have the energy to just. keep. going.

I will keep going. I will keep working towards building relationships. I will keep choosing to make good decisions, but somtimes……sometimes it all overwhelems me, and I just want to hide….to hide away from it all and not have to deal with any of it…..even just for a time. Kinda like if you’ve hurt yourself some how, and if you just sit still for long enough, you can gather just enough energy to get up and get some help.

I’m just feeling very tired about this whole year…..can I sit still for the next 4 months?

Aaaaah Maaaan!

Today is one of those CRAZY BUSY days.

Mind you,that’s what the weekend felt a bit like. Not too much so, but enough that I don’t feel like I got a good rest. Those are not my favorite kinda days.

Today will be a good one, though. I’ve got to clean the house, go shopping, make some amazing pies, and do way……..

SWEET Jeremy just came up to me SCREAMING his head off….that’s right…screaming his head right off his body…okay, so not really, but my ears are almost bleeding because of how loud and hard he was screaming.

Apparently, he was trying to cut some bread – with a bread knife….OUCH – and sliced into his thumb. He is okay, and I don’t think that he needs stitches, but man….the screaming, and the blood, and the screaming, until the veins in his neck stood out all purply and nasty….yah! That is definately the way to start off a morning. WOOOOOHOOOOO!

So, I got tons to do today, probably more to do than hours in the day.

So, I should get going. Did you have a good weekend?

I think that the highlight of my weeknd was……..dinner last night with my parents. I love family.

What was the highlight of your weekend?

This is the NON-BARFING edition

So, yesterday was a pretty good day. I guzzled water until my eyeballs were floating, and I felt pretty good aaaaaalllll the way up until I crawled into bed last night.

I even managed to make it into bed before 10:30pm. I could tell that my musles were a little bit sore, and so I did some stretching to try and work them out a little, but then my head hit the pillow and I was GONE.

I woke up at……are you ready for this…..4am – yup, Siah slept from 7:15pm until 4am, and at that point if he didn’t nurse, then there was no hope that he’d sleep for Jon after I left. So, I went and got him and brought him back to bed with me.

I just kinda dozed between 4 and 4:45am, and then I popped outta bed before my alarm clock went off and got ready to go.

I drank two HUGE glasses of water, and ate a banana to try and ward off the whole barfing thing…and ya know what….IT WORKED!

I made it through my second session – all the way through – and although I was tired and my body is not used to being asked to work a little bit harder – it went well.

I can feel that my muscles are feeling sore right now. I’m a little nervous about how I’ll feel tonight, and especially about how I’ll feel tomorrow.

I’m still planning on going tomorrow, even if I can’t do as well as I did today. I’m pretty excited about just getting some exercise, let alone 90 minutes two days in a row….

As I was driving home today musing about just jumping in feet first, I started thinking about exercise and what it was that I liked about the Bikram’s Yoga compared to other forms of exercise. I think that the dry breathing, panting so you can’t catch your breath, and feeling like your heart is going to explode out of your chest…..yah, that’s the feeling I dislike…and seeing as I’m terribly outta shape, if I try to do other forms or exercise that’s what I end up feeling like.

I like the idea that this class is for beginners and for those with experience and that you are always only competing with yourself.

Right now, I’m in the learning stages, and am flailing around trying to find position, and am not so fluid, and well….I’m definately just learning, but I talked with the instructor today after class, and she said that about 5-6 classes into it, I should have more of an idea as to what’s going on, and of the poses, and that about 10 classes into it, that I should start to find my rhythm and a nice sense of flow. I’m looking forward to that ’cause right now I’m feeling a little bit stiff and sore – but in a good kind of way.

In other news, We have been eating some unbelievably amazing food for the last little bit. I recently bought a couple of new books and from them, have made a Thick Potato, Cauliflower, and Dulse Soup….sorry no pictures, but it was AMAZING, and even Geli, my MOST picky eater, LOVED it and has asked for it every day since I made it.

Dulse is a dark red sea veggie that is full of highly absorbably iron, and in the soup it justs adds the right amount of flavor.

Last night we had Nori-Wrapped Wasabi Salmon which is salmon wrapped in a sheet of seaweed, and again. So, SO good! I didn’t make that for the kids, they just got plain marinated salmon, but Jon and I LOVED the seaweed wrapped salmon and will definately be making it again..

And – I have pictures for you –

Nut Burgers

on Tuesday night we had Nut Burgers, and again with the deliciousness. They would have been DIVINE on a bun, but we just ate them plain. The recipe I used calls for sunflower seeds and walnuts. I had walnuts, but I had no sunflower seeds, so I made two batches – one with pine nuts – in place of the sunflower seeds, and the other with pumpkin seeds. You grind up the nuts in a food precessor and then mix in a bunch of spices, add a finely ground carrot and them some brown rice with a tiny bit of tomatoe sauce to hold it all together. Make your patties, and then let them sit for an hour or so in the fridge. Heat up your skillet and use either butter or oil and brown the tops and bottoms, and serve.

Burger Close Up

These are seriously yummy, and with the edges all crunchy….mmmm…we saved a few overnight that we didn’t cook, and had them for lunch the next day, and they were just as good even after sitting in the fridge for a while.

Between the nuts and the brown rice, you end up with a complete protein, and so all you need to round out the meal is a salad or some veggies.

I’m still going through my books, and am sure to come up with more yummy food for us to try.

well, that about does it for today….Geli and I are going to make some chocolate coconut macaroons.

And then I BARFED…..Yes! I really did!

I’ve been wanting to get physical for a while now…..NO! Not that kind of physical, but I’ve been an absolute SLOB for FAR. TOO. LONG!

Tim – my brother – has been doing Bikram’s Yoga for a while now, and I told him that I wanted to join him, so I’ve signed up for the introductory week offer, and TODAY WAS MY FIRST DAY!

I was a little nervous. So nervous, in fact, that when I tried to go to sleep last night at 10:30pm…..well, I couldn’t sleep.

I keot thinking ALL. THESE. THOUGHTS. – like….. How hot will it be? and Will I fall over? and Will everyone be perfect and beautiful? and Will I even be able to stick it out for the 90 minutes class? and What if I sleep through my 5am alarm clock? (the class started at 6am, but I needed to be there – in Langley – at 5:45am to register) and What if the baby was awake ALL. NIGHT. LONG? and how would he handle me not being there in the morning?

And then………..I started to wonder if the downstairs people were going to have their 4X a week party complete with loud, bass-filled music, alcohol, cigarettes and sometimes even pot….It makes for a good time at 4:30 – 5am.

Now imagine all of that, competing with a nagging voice chanting,

“Go to sleep, go to sleep, Rah, Rah, Rah”
“Go to sleep, go to sleep, Ha Ha Ha”

It was AWESOME! and then…….then one of my girls started talking in their sleep and they called out for me, but when I got up to see what they wanted…they were both sound asleep and I was WIDE AWAKE, and it was 11:30pm, and it was even AWESOMER!

So anyway, I did get up at 5am and aside from one little freak out because I couldn’t find my water bottle and I was stressing about being late – I did make it out the door and on the road all in good time.

The class got started and I was feeling all cocky and sure of myself. You know, aside from the wobbly jello legs and arms, and I was desperately trying to hold my body from shaking so wildly that the sweat that was gushing in rivers….no oceans….off my body wouldn’t fling around the room and shower the rest of the people with my “toxicity” and…it was all going good…..until about an hour into it all…then we did this one pose and the blood all rushed to my head and when we relaxed after it, I felt all light headed and like I was going to pass out…so I just layed around for a bit (in the relaxing laying on the floor “healing” pose – yah I’m going with that) until I felt not so woozy. I did make it the 90 minutes in the freaking hot-ness and then after it all I went and grabbed my stuff from the change room and then I started to feel funny. Like I was going to barf…but because I am an expert barf-er (see all previous pregnancies), I figured that I could tough it out.

So, Tim and I went outside on the deck, and I figured that if I had some fresh air and just stayed VERY STILL that I’d be able to fight it off…..NOPE!

I had to make the mad dash into the bathroom, and of course…I’m trying to be all cool about it, and not slam into the bathroom door and run into anyone and then it looked like I was going to be using the garbage can, because I thought that both stalls were in use, and all this time, I’m barfing and ……swallowing…CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? All because I was trying to be SOOOOOOO cool.

Yah! I rock!

I guess I still need to work on the whole “pride” issue.

So, two retches and some water and stomach bile later….I’m ALL GOOD!

I go back outside, collect all my stuff and head on out to my van.

I’ll be back again tomorrow, only I think I should eat something as soon as I wake up….although I’m a little concerned about barfing anything other than water….I HATE BARFING.

But, I LOVE stretching, and although I know that I didn’t do the poses and stretches and exercises all correctly….it was still more work than I thought it was going to be – I can imagine that, done correctly and by someone who hasn’t done NOTHING for the past 10 years that it could be quite the work out.

So, I go again tomorrow for the 6am class…..that’s really early.

Oh, and just for accountability’s sake….I’m 180 lbs right now, and I want to get down to 170, at least….well see how that goes. I might be able to sweat that off by Friday at this rate.

ps….I just added a category for exercise….that seems SOOOO weird to me, but I’m hoping that this is the start of a good thing.

Thinking Out Loud Here….

I have an idea.

I’m sure it’s not a new idea, but still, I’m not currently a part of anything like this, and it’s something that I hold near and dear to my heart, and something that I’m invested/ing in…and well….I just enjoy it a ton.

I am still in the planning stages, but I think that this could be something that could be a lot of fun, and could help some, and it could possible grow and become something that could be helpful to me in the future.

See, here is my idea….

I am LOVING learning about eating healthy and cooking good food and living healthy and living simply and I run into people that ask for my recipes, and well….I wondered if anyone would be interested if I started to write up a newspaper or flyer or bulletin or somthing like that. It would have tips and ideas, recipes, and things to think about…all geared towards living healthy, living simply and all of what that entails…

I’m by no means an expert but I do have a fair amount of recipes that we currently eat that are healthy and DELICIOUS. I like to try and come up with “normal” food that takes your food choices or allergies or intolerances into consideration. I like to get a hold of recipes that someone I know has actually tried, and that they taste like actual food, and not YUCKY. Now, I know that taste is relative, but I’d like to think that I make delicious food….I’d really hope that was the case…regardless, the recipes would all be ones that we currently use and eat, either regularly or for special occasions…and then there could be product reviews, and tips on how to eat healthy for as cheap as possible….’cause I’m all about saving money….all this and more….

So, What do you think? Would you be interested in recieving something like this?

It’s the kind of thing that I might start a bit smaller and then grow over time….I might start out doing these newsletters for free for the first few, and then charging a subscription or something like that…

It’s not all worked out, but I wonder how much interest there would be in something like this?

If this is something that you’d be interested in – could you comment and let me know or if you know someone who is currently trying to eat healthy or healthier or has allergies or intolerances or something like that, then could you send them this way, and if we can figure out if there is some interest in something like this, then I could get working on putting something together sooner rather than later.

This is something that I’m TOTALLY excited about, and would love to share, but I don’t want me to be the only one that I’m doing this for….so….let me know if you or anyone you know would be interested.