Want vs. Need – the hunger edition

Well, after being so upset with mysef about my weight – I decided to step back up to the plate…..hahaha….I just realized that phrase is exactly what I don’t want to be doing.


Jon and I have a weekly date and we are going for Sushi tomorrow.

I had a little chat with myself on Sunday and very sternly told myself that if I didn’t behave and eat well all week, then I’d not be able to go for Sushi on Thursday. I really wanted to go for sushi and so…..I’ve been really good the last 3 days.

I’ve eaten veggies, veggies, and more veggies; fruit, some meat, some nuts, some grains and then calling it a day. Not necessarily in that order, but in that volume. Do ya know what I mean…lots of veggies, less fruit, less meat, less nuts and even less grains?

I still don’t know if that really makes sesne, but I don’t care – I’m moving on.

I’ve done fine until this afternoon…well, I had a moment last night where I wanted “something” and settled for nothing. It’ was really quite delicious! Ha Ha Ha! Okay, not funny at all.

This afternoon was hard. I hit that 2:30 – 3:00pm wall and just wanted chocolate or a donut or cake or something with sugar and carbs in it.

I resisted and now, here I am. It’s 10 minutes to 10 o’clock and I’m hungry. Not gonna eat, but seriously thinkin’ about it and that’s why I’m here.

So you can all keep me accountable.

So, I’m gonna go and chug some water and then go to bed…..can’t eat while I’m sleeping can I?

What do you all do to combat the cravings? What’s worse for you – the afternoon’s or the evenings?

Barrelling along……

Hey…..great post over here today….go and leave her a comment….oh, ah, er….that would be me, eh?

Well, feel free to leave me a comment – ya know….if ya want to.

Does this count as a post for today or am I really scraping at the bottom of the barrel, here?


I did post that last night, but I had been thinking about it all day and well, it just really hit me hard…It really hit me just how hard my kids have been and continue to be affected by the traumas in our life over the past few years. See, we don’t have bad dreams – like never – and about a “loss” well, it just hit me hard….I think I’ve said that already, right?….I’m tired.


Siah is feeling better, and was only up twice last night…we are definately on the upward trend. Here’s hoping for a really, REALLY good night tonight.

The Birds are Singing! The Sun is Shining; the Bunny’s are Hopping and the Unicorn….Well, He just Farted!

The kids have gone back to school today – GLORY HALLELUJAH!

I mean, I love ’em and all, but I also like to have at least one moment when no one is asking me for “something”….”anything”.

Mind you, Siah is still not 100% and he is still whining and whining and whining and whining.

I hate that whole….. “I’m sorta sick, but not really and actually, I’m just practising for when I’m all grown up and have a “man cold“. Yah, he’s starting young, this one is…..

I would probably be a bit more sympathetic had I been able to sleep a bit more over the past 3 nights, but sleep….sleep is for wimps. Who needs sleep when you can stay up all night cuddling a sick, coughing, crying baby who only taunts you with the possibility of sleep? Who? Not me, I tell you.

Anyway, I have this impossible notion that I’m going to accomplish all sorts of things today. Would you like to hear my list….I guess technically you’d read my list, but that is splitting hairs and the fact that I’m even coherent enough to be making any sort of a list……..delusional or otherwise – is pretty amazing as far as I’m concerned.

So, in a perfect an okay a decent world, I will:

take a shower and get dressed (these two go hand in hand because if I only take a shower and don’t manage to get dressed, well…..that’s almost a step backward as far as I’m concerned because even though right now I’m in my pyjamas and I stink…I could at least answer the door. Right???)

Showered, dressed and even did my hair…no makeup though….oh, but I did wax the ol’stach off….was getting a bit manly for my liking….just keeping it real…..

– tidy the house (I’m not even talking about deep cleaning – just scraping the mountains of toys and clothes back into each childs room)

Not as much done here as I’d like….I still have time left in the day, though…..right?

plan AND make dinner (we need to eat and I’m not thinking that the kids will be happy with a handful of vitamins)

Starting dinner in 20 mins…..chicken stirfry…mmmmmmmmm!

Wash AND dry some laundry (Those darn kids think that “clean your room” means throw everything on the floor down to the laundry room…then it’s clean, eh?)

Only one load washed and dried (I still have time….) and 4 loads folded but not yet put away.

The pipe dream list includes Siah actually laying down and going to sleep for an afternoon nap for even just one hour…..but seeing as he’s woken up the moment that I’ve so much as breathed the thought of putting him in his bed….I’m not really holding out too much hope for that one.

He slept for 35 mins…..not an hour, but about 30 mins longer than he has in the past few days……beggar’s can’t e choosers, eh?

Now, the little monkey is on top of my work table trying out my new necklaces….so, I gotta go and rescue them him.

And it’s ON again….

The power has just come back on and thank goodnes….

I mean, I had the Internet to surf and forums to browse and blogs to read and a post to come up with and no music and nothing to do…..it was horrid.

Normally I would welcome the break that a power outage brought, but today I just wanted some time and space.

Siah’s not feeling well and he’s been a giant clinging bawl of whining, miserable, feverish mess and well, I feel like I’ve been nursing him ALL FREAKING DAY.

Which, normally, I love “our” time, but then again, I don’t have to deal with “our” time for hours and hours on end per day.

Now, it is 8:40pm! The kids are a bit wired because, HEY! Power Outage means that life is so cool what with all the candles and no electrical things to occupy our time and soooooooo……when the power does come back on….then we have to get all stressed and run around and flick on every light and play with every electrical machine at super loud volume because……seriously….we cannot even handle the peace and quiet and not being plugged into something.

I think it’s bedtime, right???? I mean, we gotta get back on that school schedule sometime before school starts………on Monday!!!!

Oh Yah! There it is. It is totally happening. They are all going back to school on Monday and I get to try and put some order back to this thing I call my home. Only 2 more days and just three more sleeps. WoooooooooooHooooooooooo!

Alright – apparently when I ask if the husband cantake the baby and play with him for a few minutes – that some how translates into picking him up carrying him into the next room, putting him down and playing on the computer…..so I now have a whiney baby once again attached to me. It’s AWESOME – you should get yourself one.

Really……I got nuthin’ for ya.

Well, I had nuthin’ for ya yesterday either and so today you get my boring ramblings, mostly because I feel bad for saying that I was going to post every day and then not doing it.

So…..what’s new with you.


I’m fat. Well, fatter than I’d like to be. I gotta take a bit better care. I felt really discouraged because I worked out for a month and tried to really watch what I was eating and I gained weight and well…that was really frustrating and so I gave up. Stupid! I know and so now I’ve gotta work even harder – Doubly stupid…..I’ll work it out, but I gotta give my friend some money for this thing that I suggested and then gave up on….Triple-y stupid….

that’s enough stupidity for now……


I found a sweater pattern on-line that I want to try, but it’s a big grown up sweater and not just a kid sweater and I’m not sure that I’m confident enough to be able to knit myself a big huge person sized sweater BUT….it is so unbelieveably cute and well…I have all the time driving back and forth into and out of Vancouver to work on it…and….I might just try. I’m still trying to pysch myself up enough to give it a shot.


The girls are at my sister’s tonight. So, it was a boys night tonight. Now, Siah is sleeping and Jeremy is watching a DVD and soon Jon and I will watch the 3rd period of the canucks game and well, then we’ll call it a night, right?


Our fish are all dying….and I hate to see them die, but I don’t want to take care of them either. I want Jon to take care of them so that I can enjoy them……this is okay…..no?

And that’s it. I’m done. over and out!

Are there any questions that you’ve ever wondered about me that you’d like me to answer (within reason)? lemme know!

Stealing Internet

I’m sitting in the parking lot of the Rec Center. Jon’s gone inside to get the kids who are swimming with my mom and I feel a bit creepy sitting here in the dark banging out a post while I wait for everyone to come out so we can go home.

We’ve been in town working today and my mom watched the kids. I have exactly 2 minutes left before the stupid battery on this thing dies and so I may or maynot get a chance tonight to finish the post, but it’s been a long day and we still have to go home, put the kids to bed, tidy up a bit and then off to ed to start all over again tomorrow.

i’m feeling a bit whiney and so it’s probably a good thing that I don’t have very much time.

Things have been so busy for the past little bit – I feel like I’ve had almost no time to do anything. I have e-mails piling up in my Inbox and I’m sure that some people are wondering why I’ve not responded…..I’ll have to try to catch things up.

Well, my times is up. Gotta go. Later!

Yes, I Did!

I managed to pound out 20 minutes on the eliptical.

Thanks for being the monkey on my back. There is nothing like posting that you are going to do something to keep you somewhat accountable.

Mind you, mentioning that I was going to try to post every day this month hasn’t realy helped me out that much. I know that I went away, but I really have no “good” excuse for yesterday….just an excuse!

We were gone all day until 10pm and then the first that I thought about posting was at 11:30pm when I was laying in my bed, under the covers, in the dark and the thought crossed my mind that if I were REALLY SERIOUS about posting everyday that I’d get up and type something.

I, immediately, put that thought out of my mind – rolled over, and went to sleep.

And here we are!

BUT……I’ve posted more this month than I have in the last 2 months put together and I figure that’s pretty good. Not that anyone’s keeping track or anything……


Thanks for all the comments on Siah’s pics. I’ll give it a few more days and then figure out which one(s) seem to be the winners. So far, it seems to be the 2 that I like the best as well. YAH!

Since ya’ll are in such fine form with the opinion giving….I’ll ask for a few more thoughts from you all.

I took the pictures of both Jeremy and Xandra over the weekend.

I’m really looking forward to getting some of these actually printed and framed. I’m having so much fun taking pictures. I wish I had a few more people to take pictures of……

I think that what I like about taking pictures is being able to capture “who” someone is. The different sides of someone…..the happy or serious or mischevious side of someone.

This set that I took of Jeremy was probably the easiest set of him that I’ve ever taken. With him, it definately has to be “at the right time” otherwise you are in for a whole lot of frustration and a whole bunch of extremely cruddy pictures.

He took some pretty awesome pictures. This first set is definately worth looking at even if just for the entertainment value – just to see what I have to work with. Click on the picture to see the whole “Goofy Set”


He is such a little goofball. I love him so SO much! These pictures will show off that quirky side of him…..just to let you know…he was actually “trying” to take good pics with some of these. It’s one of “those things” with ADD – the harder that someone tries to focus on something, the more difficult it is to actually accomplish.

You could see the difference in the photos as he started out “trying” really hard and then the switch when he actually started to relax and just have fun with me…..too funny.

Here are the “real” pictures.

Can you take a look at these and let me know which one(s) you like the best? Thanks so much!


Again just click on the picture to see the whole set.


Hey! I’m jumping on the eleptical right now. I just need to put that out there so that I actually stick to it. I’ve fallen off the exercise bandwagon for the past 3 weeks and am desperate to get back at it. Well, my body says that i’m desperate to get bck at it, but my brain says, “Are you KIDDING me?”

Here it goes!

Opinions Take #2

First things first…..a big thanks to Jon for posting yesterday. I have a post that I’ve started twice and I just can’t find the words to fully express what I’m tryng to say and so I’ll keep working on it until it actually makes sense. Jon bailed me out yesterday because I was stuck on that stupid post and well….thanks, babe! You’re amazing!

Secondly…….I need your help again.

I took a bunch of pictures of Siah and I’d love to hear which one(s) you all like the best. You were all such a help with the picture of Geli. When the results were compiled…..It seems like the big winner for Geli was Number 5


So, here are the pics of Siah. It was interesting to try and get good pictures of him as he was not quite as co-operative as the older kids are. It’s more of a “run around behind him snapping a million pictures” and hoping for at least a few that turn out. Anyway, here is the link for the pics of Siah. Just click on the picture to see the whole set.


Lemme know which one or ones are your favorite.

Marriage is a Wonderful Thing…..sometimes!

Guest Post by Jonathan

Patti has been trying to post many times this month, and so she turns to me and asks “What would you write about for a post if you were to guest post tonight?”, so I think quick and reply, “probably about how wonderful it is to be married to you.” She figured that was a good start, so here I sit…

Truth is, marriage is a lot of work and we’ve been working at it for almost 14 years. The reason that this has become a topic tonight is that we are counselling a young couple that is about to get married. We actually have to sit down and think through all the stuff that we consider to be wisdom that we have learned and figure out a systematic way of passing that information on. In the last 14 years I would say that we have learned a few things, but if you stop me and ask me to list out what it is EXACTLY that we have learned, I would have to stop and think for a bit. Having to counsel this couple has put us in that position and it has been interesting talking it through with Patti.

In our first few sessions, we talked about expectations and boundaries and even how to have and resolve conflict. There is a lot in these topics that will help and strengthen marriage, and the conversations were great, but it blew me away when we talked about “Love”. That’s right we talked about love. This couple sat with mouths on the floor, taking notes and asking questions, because they had never heard this stuff before.

Now you might ask, what does love have to do with marriage, and I was thinking the same thing around year 5, but I’ll tell you, love has a lot to do with marriage. The couple were asked to tell us what they thought of love, and their answers were based a lot on movies and media… movies and media present all this exciting, heart pumping, flirting, forbidden, risk taking, winning, wooing, almost get the girl, loose the girl, find some inner strength, run onto the plane and tell the whole plane my really mushy speech, walk off the plane in despair, girl comes chasing me off the plane, we kiss, and fade to black… credits roll. And that sells movies, but it is not love. Love comes after. Love is there when she comes home after crashing the car. Love is there when the basement floods with sewage and all the family heirloom Christmas ornaments get damaged and you have to wear gas masks in your own house. Love is there when your child dies and either you or your wife (or both of you) can’t handle life for a few months (or years).

Love is a decision. That sounds so simple, but its true. I decided to marry my wife and at that moment I committed to loving her for life. I was 21 and had no idea what I was committing to. I didn’t know that one day I would come home from a tough day at the office to this woman who had spent the day with three kids four years old and under, who hadn’t gotten her hair done or taken a shower all day and had this glazed look in her eyes that said “I’ve lost the will to live”. I didn’t know that my “happy go lucky”, never plan anything in advance, attitude would grate on her to the point that she would snap. I didn’t know that her snapping would look like that

What I did know was that I had seen a lot of people go through marriage, and the ones that stuck it out, generally seemed to be happier in the end that the ones that quit and my parents and my in-laws had stuck it out. So when things were down (and they have been down from time to time), I chose to love. (I should say that “we” chose to love here, becuase Patti has been a great wife and has been loving and committed to our marriage all the way, but this post it from my perspective, so props to Patti and I admit that I have not been a saint to live with, but she can write about that on her own post.)

There was a turning point, were all this came together for me. Sometime around years 5-7, Patti and I were not at the best place in our marriage. We were fighting a lot, finances were tough, we had a few kids and had not really adjusted to that in our relationship. If quiting were an option, it would have been considered then…. but it was never an option. I was reminded of a verse that says “husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.” That “Church” spat on him, pulled out his beard and hung him on a cross. I decided that until she had done that to me, that I could and would love her.

I chose to think about the things that attracted me to her. I chose to start doing some of the things for her that I had done when I “felt the lust love”. I chose to tell her that I loved her. I chose to love her. I chose that and decided to expect nothing in return. I chose to look at the years up until then and to consider that the love that she had shown me to then was worthy of all the love I could give her for the rest of my life. It was the kind of determination that a spouse might make to go into a hospital where their partner was wounded so badly that they could never love them back, and choosing to love anyway.

It turns out that Patti was, or had made the same commitment. I found her love coming back.

When I started to give my love to Patti like that, then things started to change. Then the love in our marriage started to have substance. Where before we had a spark and some chemistry, now there was some actual heat. I’ve seen that the love that withstands a bit of testing burns hotter than the little flame you started with. The passion comes and goes, but it always comes back stronger and more meaningful.

I know the rush of picking a girl up. I know what it feels like to like someone and not know if they like you back. I know what it is like to go on a first date and try and make a good impression. I know what a first kiss feels like and how sweet it is. I know what it is like to sit on your bed at night and stare at the ceiling and think about the wonderful girl you were out with and the wonderful night you had and not sleep all night… and I will never feel those things again. I will never get that rush again. I will never experience the chase and the pressure and the emotions and the sweet victory. Instead I will settle in with my wife of 14 years, who doesn’t like to cuddle and go through the routine of life with her. I choose the latter because it’s worth more… because it’s deeper… because it’s got more substance than the initial surface love. I don’t get the rush of the chase, but I do get the passion of a lover who has battled with me and won. I do get the enormously fulfilling love of a wife that has spent 14 years getting to know me and what I like and what makes me feel loved and fulfilled and respected.

So I will leave you with a few bits of wisdom that I have picked up along the way…

– If you spend 30 minutes staring into the eyes of someone of the opposite sex, you will begin to feel that you love them, and that they love you back. So don’t spend a lot of time staring into the wrong person’s eyes, but do start intentionally spending time doing things where you can see your spouse’s eyes. It will rekindle the feelings of love.

– If you are going to tell you spouse a great story about how you were tempted by some temptress to cheat on her, but didn’t and chose to be faithful to her. Don’t tell the story with lots of colourful details and draw it all out and make it suspenseful and then give her the carefully concealed ending. Instead give away the ending right away… or you might not live through the story.

– and finally… Choose to love your spouse. Choose to love them expecting nothing in return. Choose to do things that show love to them, in ways that are meaningful to them. Be intentional about it, and you will find… Love.