It’s About that Time of Year, is it?

Well, Jeremy came home with a bit of a cough about a week ago, and then it seemed to spread to Siah and then the girls started coughing…

I figured that it would pass in a few days and all would be fine.

Well, either it was a wicked little bug with some severe staying power or it just weakened our immune systems just enough for it’s friend “THE ALMIGHTY NASTY POWERFUL COLD” to move on in.

My mother-in-law was down for the count yesterday, but whatever she’s got is different from what I’ve got.  And I don’t think that I could have picked it up that fast from her anyway….you know with incubating periods and all….the little buggers have got to have some time to spawn….or something like that.

Anyway, so I’m full of snot and I have a bit of a cough but it’s mostly just in my throat…..there is no real chest involvement going on over here…..just lots and lots and lots of snot.

YUCK!

So, I’m pounding back the Vitamin C and drinking an entire ocean load of hot lemon water and if I feel like partying it up real hard, we might throw a little homeopathic remedy or two around – you know, just to keep it interesting.

The problem is…..I really am supposed to be working today.  I got stuff to do and books to cook and well, I’m just trying to figure out what is really important and what I can just put off for another day.  Oh so much fun!

What I want from you – my dear sweet Internet friends – is your best cough/cold remedy.

You know, the one that you use when you feel like crap?  Or maybe it’s the one that crazy Aunt Maude started pushing on your family 60 years ago and no one can explain why or how, but it really does work?  Or the one that Uncle Harry brought home from the war and claims that it saved him and an entire Amy Hospital from dying?  Or the one that your best friends mother uses and you have to avoid the house for 3 days because it smells so bad – but she claims it really works?

Ya know…..just help a girl out over here and in return…..

Here’s a cruddy first morning picture of me just crawled outta bed, no make up, one snot drip away from needing a fresh tissue…..I’m feeling really yummy here.

sick

In Keeping With the Theme…..

So, last week was a bit of a rough week for us over here, BUT……..we’ve survived and are back to being our cheerful happy selves.

Thanks for sharing with me. I love it when your girlfriends will sit down and cry with you and then out of left field, you get a dear friend who gives you a bit of a kick in the pants, and it’s all good. Thank you…….seriously THANK YOU!

But, in the middle of all of this, I’ve been noticing that my house has kind of thrown up on itself.

I was NEVER a packrat – EVER! in fact, I would regularly go through my “memory chest” and re-sort and file (under G for Garbabge) things so that I only ever had a certain amount of “the most important things“.

A few years into marriage, someone who lived next door to us, had peeked in through our window (can we say creepy, sleezy, stalker?) and wanted to know if we were moving. It was far enough into our marriage that we weren’t sporting that “just got married/don’t have enough stuff/trying to fake that we really are grown ups now” look. I just really REALLY liked a clean, no extra crap look.

Only the bare essentials for me thank you….

This continued on in our married lives for years. In fact, we moved houses 9 times in 7 years, and instead of it being a problem (I mean, obviously we had problems as you can tell because what “normal” person moves 9 times in 7 years…..at least 4 of those with kids) I actually looked forward to it because it was just another opportunity to “throw more crap away“.

And then……..THEN…..then we moved to our current home. Where we apparently set down roots….or had a pile driver come out and drive some piles into our current home. We’ve been here for the past 7.5 years. Even for the first couple of years, I just threw things out. It was kind of like a revolving door policy. If something was going to come in, then something else needed to go out. I only had “so much” room and was not going to let things get cluttered.

And now here I am and my house feels CHAOTIC, and I don’t understand how we got here, where all this stuff came from and when did I change and WHY?

I’ve been getting rid of crap lately (see, my theme that I mentioned – ha ha ha ha) No, I’m serious. I’ve been throwing stuff out. If it’s not super important to me or the kids – then OUT it goes.

And, over the weekend, we got rid of a van load of junk, and I have another van load of junk to go tonight. I’m totally embarrased typing that out, because I must admit that I’m barely even started yet. Now, before you go all “crazy” and think that I’m living in the dump….remember that my normal sense of “clutter free” is probably a bit harsher than yours….remember the previous comments of my house looking like we were moving…yah – I like the minimalist look.

But, I did have WAY TOO MUCH CRAP and I’ll be throwing it out, giving it away, or selling it so that I can finally feel like I can breathe again.

I think I figured out when and why it happened.

Almost 4 years ago, we sweet little boy died before we even got a chance to hold him, and it ROCKED MY WORLD.

I’ve not been the same since.

It was hard to breathe let alone worry about my house. It was an effort to just survive and only the very most important things got any energy focused toward them…..like caring for the kids, but honestly, I don’t think I did a very good job of even that. It’s amazing to me when I see how far from “that place” that I am, but it’s sad to see how the “effect” of losing Nathaniel is still with me.

I’m stronger than I knew I was, and yet I’m also aware of a sense of frailty. I can’t “do it all“. I recognize that I tire easier. I can’t plan too many events in a row or I feel overwhelmed. I like my alone and quiet time. I’m just so different. It’s the same me but different. I sit here trying to explain in words, and I fell like I’m not doing a very good job, and really to say “it feels like a part of me died with Nathaniel” is probably the best way of explaining it. Not in a sad, depressed way, but just that a small part of me changed and will never be the same, and that happened when Nathaniel died. I still don’t think I’m explaining it well, but that’s okay.

Back to my house….I just didn’t care as much about……well….I just didn’t care about much. But the further I get away from that point in time, the more I’m aware of the healing that takes place over time. I don’t think there is anything else that can make the process go faster – just TIME!

And no – having Siah didn’t make things better. I love Josiah. I’m so thrilled that he’s a part of my life. He has his own spot in my heart and in my life. He didn’t fill the spot that was Nathaniel’s; he never could, and he was or never is supposed to.

I love the fact that Nathaniel is still having an impact on my life today. I never got to hug, and raise him, but his legacy lives on. It lives on with every “thing” that I process and learn about “living, dying, grieving and healing

In thinking about my house and processing why I am at where I am today, and how I got here….I realize that it’s all a part of the process. I can choose to see it as such or I can be frustrated.

I choose to just walk it out. And so today, walking it out means that I am seriously decluttering.

And I’m loving it.

How about you? Are you a pack rat or do you like the minimalist look or do you have a healthy balance?

Did Ya Miss Me?

I’M BACK!

I don’t know that I post frequently enough for anyone to “miss” me, but regardless…..I’m back, and I’m hoping that things will be a bit more “normal” aorund here.

I had a GREAT weekend away. I was at a women’s retreat. It was amazing. 30 women gathered together to love on each other, to share with each other, to bond, to get refreshed, to get in touch with some of the dreams that we’ve had, and to re-ignight the passion to see those dreams fulfilled, to laugh, to feel restored, to remember how important that “we” are and that we need to take care of ourselves, to eat AMAZING food – that we didn’t have to prepare or clean up from…..the list just keeps on going and going and going.

It was an awesome time away.

I was even privileged to be one of the 3 FABULOUS speakers…the other two women who shared are some SERIOUSLY AMAZING women….with so much insight, and I was completely honored to be asked to share on BOUNDARIES.

It’s something that I am passionate about and to be able to share some of what I know in the hopes of it empowering others….it was AWESOME!

I actually walked away from this weekend feeling better than I have leaving any other ladies retreat that I’ve been involved in. It was a weird feeling. I was tired, but not overwhelmingly so.

I did come home exhausted, and I went to bed fairly early last night after sitting around the house and not doing too much, and then Jon – the wonderful, WONDERFUL man that he is let me sleep in this morning, and I actually feel ready to hit this week.

Usually it takes me a couple of days to feel ready to hit the ground running, but not this time…YAH!

I feel like I’m in a transitional time. It’s like I’m changing from a caterpiller to a butterfly and I’m right in the middle of the change.

Insecurities and worries that would have plauged me and tormented me until I felt crushed by them are not weighing that heavy on me, and I feel like I have to confidence to take the next steps in my life that I’m supposed to.

I did really good ALL weekend. Just a few little teeny, tiny, insecure thoughts that were “Oh so easy to banish”, but mostly it all felt “right”…..it’s not been until I got home and my mind started wondering and replaying the weekend that I started to feel a little “off”. I am okay. It’s just like I’m in that change state…..recognizing that the “old, insecure” me is slowing giving way to the “new, strong” me and like any negative behaviour…..it’s not going to give up it’s control easily.

I’m excited to see what the future holds for me.

I love to see women empowered and loved on and to see them feel “safe” especially with other women…..I LOVE IT.

I think I might post a little about what I talked about. Would you be interested in reading a bit about what I was able to share this past weekend?

How are you with personal boundaries?

Too Busy – Looking Forward to Next Week

This week is insane for me.

My house is a disaster. I have a butt load of music to plan. I have to practise my mad guitar skillz. I gotta make some more necklaces to sell. I still have to fold the Mt. Everest of laundery sitting in my front room….plan and make dinners…pay bills…buy groceries….and all I want to do is to go to sleep.

As mentioned in my previous post I’ve been experiencing a bit of a Niagra Falls experience over here, and I think that as a result I think I might have a bit of low iron situation going on. I’m currently taking Floradix and am hoping that will help things out, but right now – I’m a cold, tired, whiney baby!

I have also been a bit distracted by the whole US Election, and am waiting to see the results of that.

In other fun and exciting news, Jeremy blew our microwave up on the weekend. Well, it didn’t technically blow up and it even still works, but he put a “warm bag” in to heat it up so that he could snuggle wth it and instead of putting it in for 2 minutes…..he went with the whole “If 2 minutes is good, then 10 minutes would be better” thought process, and seeing as we are such attentive parents, we didn’t notice until we started asking ourselves what the idiots downstars were burning this time, and ONLY AFTER multiple sniff checks through the floor heating grates did we come to the conclusion that THAT HORRID SMELL was actually coming from somewhere in our house….and OH MY GOODNESS CRAP! What the heck is in the microwave, and why is the microwave covered in orange yuck and man….put that thing out on the back deck…..

So, we are currently microwave-less. Which is not the end of the world because we were planning on doing it anyway – you know……bad radiation waves, and reverse polarisation and all that crap….and seriously…the stupid microwave was given to us as a gift by my grandparents before we got married as an engagement gift……oh…..400 years ago….or maybe just 13+ years ago and it’s had a good long life.

This just means that we have to think ahead in reagards to defrosting meat and reheating cups of cold tea or coffee. It’ll all be good – Right?

Well, the baby is still sleeping – it’s been two hours and so I’m going to go and work on some necklaces which means that as soon as I open everything up and just get started he’ll wake up….that way I’ll be sure to be completely frustrated and not just a little.

How’s your week been so far? Could you go micro-wave-less in your house?

Probably TMI……Guys! You’ve Been Warned!

So, I started my period on Wednesday.

This is the first one in exactly two years. I have never had my period while nursing, but I’ve always quit nursing around 14 -15 months, and have always started around 14 – 15 months. Josiah is 14 – 15 months and I started my period BUT…..I’ve not stopped nursing so I’m not really sure what the deal is.

Regardless, it’s been….um….interesting.

Things have always been rather heavy for me, and this one has been unreal.

Over the past 6 months, I’ve been thinking and wondering about what to do because we’ve been taking steps to using less “consumables” and making more ecological purchases and decisions, and I wasn’t sure what to do when I got my periods again.

I had looked at Glad Rags, but I hate pads and wasn’t really overly excited about that option. I know someone who is making reusable cloth pads for girls in 3rd world and developing nations, and I might buy some from her for my girls when the time comes. I do like the idea of no chemicals and less waste, but I personally don’t like using pads.

I’ve also been looking at (with a great deal of interest) at the Diva Cup. I know two people who have used it at they’ve both said the same thing. It’s great, but they wondered about having to deal with it in a public restroom when they were working.

For me that’s not a huge deal as I’m home the majority of the time and should be able to work around being out and not needing to fiddle with it when I go out, but dealing with it all before I go anywhere.

Soooooooo, I bought the Diva Cup today and have used it so far and I LOVE IT! So far, IT’S AMAZING….no leaks and no mess. It was easy to insert. It wasn’t difficult to read or to figure out the instructions. Removal was easy. Clean up was a snap.

It cost about $40.00 and by the time I finsh using it next month….It will be paid off. I will have gone through 4 boxes of tampons by the time this period is inished. I typically have a heavy flow and so for me this will be definately a money saver. Between the money saved, the product not consumed, the lack of leakage….I could just go on and on about how much I love this thing so far.

If you’ve been thinking about or wondering about getting it…..it’s money well spent, in my opinion.

103.8 and Vision

That was Josiah’s temperature this morning when I finally was concerned enough at how hot he was and took it.

Not fun! NOT FUN AT ALL!

He slept peacefully until 3:45am and at that point I didn’t notice anything. He nursed and went straight back to sleep. Then when he woke up at 5 something…..Jon cuddled him and when he finally got him down he said that when he picked him up he was shivering badly.

He woke up again at 6ish and I went to go and get him and he was shivering terribly and I noticed that his head was quite hot. I brought him to bed and nursed him and he laid beside me and shivered. It was so sad.

Finally at about 6:45am was when I took his temp.

So, he’s been sleeping off and on since then. He is still trying to be happy and funny and chattering about things, but only for just a word or two and then he lays his head down like it’s way to heavy for him to hold up.

I gave him a bit of Tylenol because I figured that his temp was quite high enough and because he seemed to be really uncomfortable.

He perked up right around the time that the Tylenol would have kicked in and although his temp didn’t go down as low as I’d have liked, it’s still down some.

I have a feeling that I’ll be sitting, cuddling and nursing a fair bit today.

***********************

I’m hoping that IMAGE OPTOMETRY calls me today. Last Wednesday, I was wearing my glasses…. (click here to see my lovely beauties. It’s a bad shot, but seeing as I’m the one ALWAYS behind the camera there aren’t so many of me.)….and they fell right off my face, hit the table and landed on the floor in two pieces.

The arm had fallen off.

They’d had a good life – I bought them 3.5 years ago and have worn them just about all the time.

See, I have really light sensitive eyes. It’s not so bad when I’m pregnant, but I noticed it back in between when I was pregnant with Geli and Xandra, and has pretty much been wearing sunglasses ALL THE TIME since then.

I’ve gone and had my eyes checked and all is good – I have a slight prescription, and my eyes tend to run on the dry side, but all of this completely unhelpful information is just to let you know that if you see me, I’m not “rock star-ring” out. My eyes are just bothered by the light. Outside is really bad, but I’ve also noticed that inside is bothering me too, and so I just wear my lightly tinted glasses all the time, now. I also get wicked migraines and light can be a trigger so…..yah, so. I don’t know whereall I’m going with all that so I’ll just stop….

Anyway, I popped off to Image Optometry which is where the BEST OPTOMETRIST in the world works.

A big shout out to Dr. Jesse Manhas – amazing AMAZING Doctor. We love him.

Anyhoooooooo, I got the coolest glasses….and when I actually pick them up (they’re calling me either today or tomorrow to come and get them) – I’ll take a picture and show you.

They have tinted the glass and then used the Transitions technology on top of that….so they will always be tinted but they will go dark outside. Sweet! I’ve wanted this for a while, but just never did it.

I’m so excited. I can’t wait.

I should take a pic and show you the cheap “in between” pair that I bought in the mean time…..maybe if I get around to it, because I’m sure you all want to see them, don’t you? You know you do….

Well, I’m off to finish getting ready for the day (makeup and hair and all that crap) and to call the kids school to let them know that I won’t be helping out at lunch today….stupid fever.

******************

I do have a bunch of new jewlery to add to the store, and if I have the time today…I’ll try to make it happen. I’ve got some really cool necklaces and bracelets and even some mens necklaces to add into the mix.

So, check back soon to see the new stuff.

Little Things

I knitted up this little kimono over the past fews days.

I’ve made a few of them for Josiah….done up in cotton yarn. I love the simplistic almost earthy look and feel of the cotton kimono. I’ve worn them on Siah with his little brown yoga pants and I think he looks so cute.

Someone I know has just recently had a baby boy, and I wanted to give them something. It so easy to just go and buy something from the store. You should be able to find something that they might like, and even if they don’t like it – no worries – they can take it back and exchange it for something they do like.

Nowadays, it feels like people don’t like giving, and some don’t like getting, hand made gifts. I think that’s because everyone’s tastes differ, and unless you know the person really well – it’s hard to know if they will like what you are giving.

I think that it’s often times hard to “put yourself out there” and to say that “I really like this and I’ve made it and I really hope that you like it”. It’s almost like giving a piece of yourself, and if you have any insecurities, then you are just hoping that they won’t take “that piece of you” and throw it in the garbage.

In trying to continue on with our “30 Days of Nothing” and in being aware of the money, time and effort spent, I made this little kimono. The yarn cost $2.99 and I bought it a bit ago. I spent probably 10 hours in total making this, and I think I am at the point, within myself, that regardless of whether it is appreciated in the same way that I appreciate it – I will not get my worth or value from that.

This doesn’t mean that I’m wanting to give gifts without regard for the recievers thoughts and opinions. I want to try and give things that others will like, but if it’s not their MOST FAVORITE GIFT EVER – I won’t be devestated. My crafts don’t define me….they don’t give me “worth”.

I’ve also had a hard time with the fact that what I make seems so “insignificant”. I mean, come on, $2.99 for a gift. How cheap is that? Or if I made some cards for a gift….I just glued a few scraps of paper together….that’s not really that great of a gift. It’s just all in my mind. I’ve been hung up in my mind. I guess that some of this is an indication of what I think of myself and how much value I have placed on myself and on my time and even on my creativity.

Ummm, that would be…”Not very much!”

I think that I must be growing up some. I’m by no means “there” yet, but I’m coming to terms with the fact that I have value. I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my time has value and that the creativity inside of me – even though some of it comes easily to me – that doens’t diminish that there is still worth and value.

But all of that comes back to me realizing that “I HAVE VAUE!” I’m still working on it, but I think it’s slowly sinking in….or at least parts of it are.

Here are some pictures of the little sweater. I’m still hoping she likes it. It was fun to make a tiny one. I only wish I had some labels made up. These are way too much work to be able to recoup costs – I’d have to charge you a million dollars just for one, and then they’d never sell at that price, but I’d still love to make some up in my “throw away time”….. that’s time spent sitting in the car driving into Vancouver (its an hour’s drive from here) or in front of the TV in the evenings….and to be able to give them away for fun. I’d love to have some little lables that said “petite singe” It means “little monkey” It would be fun to embroider a little monkey head somewhere on the sweater…just me dreaming….

Anyway, here’s the kimono….

Isn’t it cute?

Letting it go….letting it ALLLLLLLLLLLL go!

So, ummmmm….thanks for letting me vent yesterday. Not like you really had a choice, because I kinda did it without asking, but for any and all who did read, and just nodded your heads and carried on…..yah….that’s about what I needed.

I needed to get it out there and then I spent the rest of the day processing and today – I am in a much better frame of mind.

I have some clarity about some things….things of which I will speak of shortly or soon or in the not too distant future, but for now….it is enough to say that I am back in the state of “being content where I am at.”

In other, completely unrelated news…Jon is giving Siah a bath because he asked for one. This kid (read that to say baby, not kid) loves the water, and I had just sat down to try and blather on and on here, and he headed straight for the bathroom, which usually means a little toilet fishing, and with certain bigger little boys who sometimes forget to flush…..not that I’m mentioning names or anything…..that can be a scary, scary thing.

So, I cut him off at the path, and he pointed towards the bath…which had water in it from J popping in for fun this afternoon. I told ‘Siah that if he wanted to have a bath that he’d had to talk to daddy. then I said, “bath” a few times and took him out and closed the door. I had JUST sat back down and he took off, bookin’ it at warp speed – well as fast as 1 foot tall chubby legs will carry you – towards my room and bathroom….this is where he “normally” has a bath….I ran to get him before he went toilet fishing in my bathroom, and when I picked him up he looked at me and said, “ba..”

So I asked him “what to do want?” and he said it again….”ba..”

So I took him out to Jon and told him to tell Daddy what he wanted and he looked right at Jon and smiled HUGE and said it again.

It’s so cute to see him start to say little words. He understands more than he is speaking, but the little words are so cute.

In less cute news, Jeremy tried to ummmmmm….use the toilet from a standing position and well…it ended badly and I had a bunch of smeary cleaning to do……Needless to say, he got quite the talking about the evils of sky dumping and why it would cost him HUGE if he ever did it again.

Geli choked down a whole plate of “meatless” tacos that she didn’t really like….which is AMAZING because to get her to try ANYTHING new is a serious challenge let alone eat something that she doesn’t like with out too much complaining….that is the key here…..without TOO MUCH COMPLAINING. There was some complaining, but not enough that it made our ears bleed.

Xani is reading everything in site, and is making it quite difficult to keep her in books. She just finished “Hinds Feet On High PLaces” and is going to be starting “Pilgrims Progress in the next couple of days…..She has a serious reading addiction, although I’m not really upset…..read, baby, read.

Jon has got so much work that he is trying to not stress out, and well…..sometimes that’s hard. Who knew that too much work could be almost as stressful as too little….who knew???!?!?!?

I’m…..well…..I’m trying to get us all ready and organized for a vacation that coming up before too long….ya know…with menu’s and bags and all the “gear” that is needed for vacationing with a baby and 3 other kids…..and I’m trying to ONLY BRING what it necessary, and not TOO much.

Alright…that’s it for now…

Sad and Tired of it all

We’re going through some stuff right now and it’s been dragging on for a while now and as far as I can see there’s no end in sight.

I feel hurt and misunderstood and confused and upset and a little bit angry and I’m not even finished feeling all the feelings swirling around inside of me.

There is a small part of me that just wants to hide inside my house for the next however long and not come out and not talk to anyone and not have to deal with anyone beacause then I wouldn’t have to deal with anything and then maybe I could just ignore things for a while and feel at peace for a tiny bit of time.

I know it doens’t work like that, and I know that in the end….one day….many years from now (that’s meant to be funny – see “ha ha” trying to make light of the situation – is it working?) that we’ll look back on this and it won’t seem so overwhelming, but right now…right while it’s all in the thick of it, and I don’t know what to do or have anyone to talk to, it sucks?

You might wonder why I don’t have anyone to talk to, and I’ll try to explain….

See, I’m not going to talk about what’s going on.  I’m not going to say that there are sides or that anyone is right or wrong….all I’m willing to talk about is “How I feel….”  It is enough to say that we have come to a place where some decisions need to be made and it feels like regardless of what decison that we make….we are screwed.

I really can’t see the silver lining in any choice that we make, and I have no clue as to what the right choice is, or if there even is a right choice or if everything is a wrong choice and if we’re just trying to make the best wrong choice….how is that even possible…..

Well, it’s probably not the case – but it’s just how I’m feeling.

It feels like we’ve been left out in the desert to flail around in the hopes that we’ll find a path and that hopefully it’ll be the right one, and like I said….right now I’m finding it hard to even believe that there is a right one.

I just want to sit down and cry.  There are so many aspects and facets of this whole situation and it feels like an impossibility to ever be able to work through and come to conclusion on it all.

I hate that running away isn’t even an option….not that I really mean that, but that’s how I’m feeling…..I’m sad and tired of it all.

It hurts!

Tomorrow will be a better day, right?

4:21pm – Edited to Add

I really didn’t do a very god job of explaining all of this, and for that I apologize.

I’m not willing to talk about all of this because I only want to share what I’m feeling and not end up saying something that would ever end up hurting someone else or making it sound like someone is at fault….this is not an “at fault situation” it’s just something that needs to be processed and some decisions made. We are just wanting to make the best decisions possible and to be able to move forward with “things” being as clear and concise and relational as possible.

I talk about wanting to run away, and that might be what I feel when it starts to feel jumbled and overwhelming for me, but I know that’s not an option and I know that it wouldn’t help anything. It’s just what I feel like when it all starts to “get” to me.

The emotions that I shared about……… feeling hurt and misunderstood and angry….I’m also feeling a whole ton of other emotions, so many and they are swirling around so fast that I’m struggling to even name them all myself. It feels like I’m feeling one way, and then there is something else to process and then I add other feelings and then there is something else to process and then I’m feeling other things and it’s just one giant whirlwind.

I need to be able to be open with how I’m feeling, even if I’m feeling like I can’t just lay it all out there.

And so that’s the reason why I’m brain dumping right now….this won’t all go away tomorrow and I know that there’s a better than even chance that I’ll still be upset about this tomorrow, but for some reason…it’s hitting me really hard today and I can’t just blather on about baking soda shampoo or Jeremy or any of the other things in my life that I blather on and on about…Don’t stress, this has been going on for almost 3 months now and if I’ve seemed okay to you, that’s because I mostly am…..I will be okay – eventually…it’s just a bad day and one day it won’t be any more – Oh how I long for that day.….Aren’t we all entitled to a bad day from time to time?

Working Out My List

It’s funny, (or maybe it’s not, but it is to me) that as I keep thinking about the “Important” things, that the list keeps getting longer and longer.

I’ve not actually written anything down, as of yet, and some of these are much more inclusive than just the word, but I’m just going to start with some of the things that I’ve been thinking about.

Family

This means both my immediate family of 6 and my larger family as well.  I want to be available for my kids.  I will only ever have this time with them once.  And I want to make it count.  I want to be present, here and now.  not just at home when they come home from school, but off the computer, and actually paying attention to them.  I want to be able to help out with their homework and to teach them how to cook and bake and to do crafts with them.  I want to not be so tired from half assed doing other things that all I want to do is foist them off on the TV so that I can sit and veg. on the computer.  I want to grow in friendship and trust with them and to teach them how to communicate their feelings and wnats and desires and how to effectively communicate even the negative emotions. I want to have time to spend with my extended family.  I want my kids to grow up knowing their grandparents, and aunts and Uncles and Cousins and even their great grandparents and great aunts and uncles and second cousins.  Family is so important and I really want to have a sense of closeness in what is rapidly becoming such an “Island” world….I want to cultivate (as much as I can) the sense of “Village”.

Health

This is a huge one including Food, cleaning, Exercise, and a buch of other stuff as well.  I want to be able to cook good healthy food for my kids and I want to train them to love to put healthy stuff into their bodies.  I don’t want it to be a fad…I want it to be a lifestyle.  Not so stringent that they feel the need to stuff their faces every time Mom or Dad isn’t looking, but I want them to be able to make good choices for the long haul.  I also want to make the healthiest choices regarding cleaning supplies.  At this point, the decision that slightly been taking out of our hands just because ‘Siah seems to have a reaction to SLS and so that means that we have to find alternatives, but now, I use things like vinegar for all my windows and mirrors and I think it works WAAAAAAY better than Windex ever did.  And I like the fact that my floor cleaner residue won’t get all over ‘Siah as he’s crawling around.  i could go on and on about this, but I’ll spare you.  Also, included in this section is exercise.  I HAVE to make time to exercise.  I WANT to make time to exercise and so it will be done.  It just hasn’t been done, yet….soon, though…soon!

Jon

I want to clearly set aside time and effort to put into Jon and I’s relationship.  I want it to be deliberate.  I don’t want to find out 20 years down the road that we wished that we had put the time it…..I want to continue to build on this GREAT friendship that we have and to be an example to our kids for years to come.

Me

I want to have time planned for me to do things like the different crafts that I like to do.  Already since just trying to slow my life down, but not being entirely purposeful about it, I’ve crochetted or knitted two kimono style sweaters, three vests, a hat and I’ve started a few other pieces.  I made a bead necklace.  I’d like to paint some more and to do some more paper crafts as well.  I also want to set aside more time to find and make more healthy baking for my family.  I enjoy baking and to find stuff that we can all eat and that tastes delicious, that makes me happy and brings a sense of satisfaction.

None of this is in any particular order of importance and there are still more that I’m thinking about and even more to flesh out in each particular category, but it’s a start.  To know what I want helps me to see what I shouldn’t be doing. 

I think that I’ll be taking stock regularly of where I’m at and what’s important to me and why?  See, life changes and things move up and down the importance scale, and I’ve lived enough to know and recognize that just because this is where I’m at and these are the things that are important to me right now, that doesn’t mean that I get to go on autopilot like this for the rest of my life…..NO!  What was important to me in the months and years before I had Josiah changed when he came and when he turns 1 or 2 or 5 – it stands a good chance of changing again…in September it might all change or over the summer months or when Geli goes to middle school.  I think that any big life shift or change necessitates a peek inside as to what’s important to me “NOW”!  and how can I accomplish that and what needs to be re-evaluated and possibly let go of…for a time or forever…..

It’s about what’s important to you……..asking yourself “What is important to me?” and “How do I accomplish that?” 

If you want something enough, you will figure out a way to make it happen.

I want a slower, more simple life.