Daily Photos

Daily Photos

15 years ago, this month, our son, Nathaniel died and then was born. It seems backward; like it’s not the order life should happen in. Children shouldn’t die before their parents. Babies shouldn’t die before they’re born. One thing I’ve learned over the last 15 years is that there are no guarantees in this life. In the early years after Nathaniel was born, I had SO MANY regrets. I wish we had held him longer. I wish we had taken more pictures. I wish we had brought our family in to meet him. I wish……It felt like we were so unsure as to what to do and what was considered “appropriate”. Since then, I’ve tried to live my life in such a way that I don’t have regrets. Does that mean that I just threw abandon to the wind and did whatever I wanted….no! But over the past 15 years, I’ve done less of what “might be expected of me or what might be considered appropriate”. And more of what’s important to me and what I truly believe is necessary. I’ve listened to my heart more and in doing so, I’ve found SO. MUCH. FREEDOM. It’s one of the many gifts that came from my son. Even within the darkness of loss and trauma, when I looked for the light, I found it. This gift was so very necessary as we navigated the next 15 years of loss and trauma. Even though he never took a breath, his legacy is one of wonder, compassion and hope; and that is incredible, in my mind. #nathanielmark #remembering #loss #stillbirth #legacy #abstractpainting
Posted by Intagrate Lite

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys.

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