I thought that I could say something about myself and my size.
I’ve gotten a few comments about how I look good or about how someone would never have guessed that I weigh what I weigh and it got me thinking…...and as it goes, I’m going to share what I’m thinking…..who wouldda guessed that, eh?
I am not a small person.
I have NEVER been a small person……well, maybe when I was a baby, but other than that….
When I was 12 years old, I grew 6 inches over one summer landing me at 5 foot 8 inches tall by the end of that summer. I weighed 120 pounds and modeled for a few years after that. I wasn’t fat or overweight, in fact I was thin……but I am (and was) a BIG person.
Now, I am 5 foot 10 inches and currently I weigh 193.8 lbs. I come from a big family. There are big bones on both sides of my heritage. I managed to get size in my genetic make up. I carry the weight well and fairly evenly distributed….I’d prefer that I have a little less in the truck and a little more up top (if ya know what I mean) but for the most part I’m not completely depressed by how I look….for someone who’s has a million children…..or ya know 4.
I am a big person. It’s taken some time, but for the most part I am comfortable being a big person.
It was difficult as a teenager. I won’t lie. And I struggled with feeling like “Ginormica” compared to the majority of my friends and especially my mother and sisters…..they’re petite! But I came to realize that there was nothing I could do to change my size and that I could be miserable about something that I couldn’t change or I could accept that it was who I am and carry on with life.
There are aspects of being a tall, big boned person that I like. I can hide a few extra pounds on my frame. I am strong. I can reach things in high places without needing help or even a stool.
Obviously, there are things that I don’t like about my size…..I’m not a big fan of the “number” of my weight. I don’t like feeling like I’m taller than all my girlfriends. I hate shopping because most pants are floods and those in the “tall girl” section have a rise in the crotch that makes the waist band sit right under my armpits. It’s a HAWT look!
But, for the most part I’m fairly happy with myself. I would like to lose some weight. Ideally, I’m about 20 pounds heavier than I’m could be, but honestly, I’m totally okay with weighing 180-185 lbs. I weighed 170-175 lbs when I got married and was by no means “large” at that point. I feel stronger and healthier when I weigh a little bit less than I do now. I’m not looking to be super model thin. I am completely realistic with myself and my size.
I currently wear size 11-15 pants depending on the cut, style and fabric. I wear a Medium to Large Shirt. I wear a size 10 shoe.
I am just a big person.
I see Angelica who is 12 years old walking the “big girl” road and I’m doing everything in my power to help her LOVE who she is.
It helps that I’m bigger than her…….for now! It helps that there are WAY more girls out there nowadays who are bigger and taller. It’s more normal now for girls to reach 6 feet tall and to have size 12 feet. It was brutal when I was 12/13 years old walking into a shoe store HOPING and PRAYING that they’d have even just 1 pair of a size 10 shoe and that it wasn’t too ugly. Now, It’s awesome to walk into shoe stores and to see size 11 and 12 ladies shoes and the variety and quantity. Not that I need that size, but if my girls do….no problems. It helps that I know what it feels like to be a big person.
I am a BIG person and I’m working on being as healthy as I can be.
I want to model good exercise habits for my kids. I want to teach them to eat well. I don’t want to see them sucked into the whole “I need to diet to be thin and acceptable” garbage. I want them to be aware of themselves in a healthy positive way. I want to teach them to be responsible for their health. I want them to love themselves for who they are and not for their size.
And so, I am working on myself because I believe that modeling healthy positive ways to live, eat and exercise is one of the best ways that I can train my children….and I think it’s working!