BEING

Judah is at school.
I’m kind of in shock.
Let me be clear, I am NOT in school at this exact moment.

I took Hot Lunch to school for Siah, as a treat. Off handedly, I asked if Jude would like to stay with Siah and he agreed.  This afternoon is Art in his class or Games Group with the most amazing EA.  He said he’d like to stay for Art.  He was a little concerned about the 15 minutes of Daily Physical Activity but we’ve worked an arrangement for him and at this exact moment….the plan is that I will pick him and Siah up at the end of the school day.

I left the school almost scared and feeling really weird.  I don’t have my little shadow with me.  I was sure  he was going to come tearing out of the school after me begging to come home and saying that he’s changed his mind.  Nope!

I came home and wandered around, feeling a little lost.  I made lunch for myself and then surveyed my kingdom.  It’s in pretty rough shape.  My first thought was:

“I SHOULD clean this up. I ONLY have a short window of time.”

My second thought was:

“I don’t want to.”

So, I have curled up on the couch, with my laptop, in the middle of my mess.  I’ve put music on and am having a cup of tea.

I feel frantic, like I’m wasting an opportunity to “DO” things.  The list of things I COULD do is way TOO LONG!

The list of things I WANT to do, is also TOO LONG.

What’s more important than DOING ALL THE THINGS, is BEING!

I probably won’t get the opportunity to do much “resting” after I do nothing…..but in doing nothing, I am resting.

I COULD DO all the things but all those things will still be there when I’m done just “BEING.”

So for today, I’m breathing deeply and holding onto this moment.

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys.

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