Standing in the Storm

It’s not very calm, inside of me, at the moment.

This is my “before.”  I want to write about “the before” because I know I will appreciate it, so much more “after”.

It’s been a tough couple of days. 

It’s hard to believe that it’s only a month ago that I hit publish and sent out an invitation to my Handmade Holiday Open House.  
Oh, I LOVE to create! But selling…..selling is just not my forte.  Promoting, marketing, cajoling, putting myself out there……it’s hard for me.  

Anxiety whispers at me incessantly. Telling me that no one cares.  Whispering lies about my talents and abilities.  Mocking my desire to create.  Belittling my ideas.  

And for the most part, I fight back.  I counter the lies with truths that I don’t quite believe.  I try to ignore the whispers. I choose to believe that my desire to create has a bigger purpose than what I may feel or see, in the moment.  

But as this weekend approaches, it’s gets harder and harder to fight.  It’s the nature of the beast.  You fight so hard, for so long, to stay afloat.  To not succumb to the waves of anxiety crashing over you and at some point, your strength begins to wane .  It becomes harder to stand strong and those voices seem to gain strength, as you weaken. 

This week has been tough.  It didn’t help much that I fell down the back stairs at the kids school on Tuesday.  I’m still physically sore and I belive that’s robbed me of some energy that I could have used for this mental gong show inside my head. ( On a side note, my butt’s a pretty shade of purple and blue.)  

Author: Patricia Culley

I'm the ringmaster of my own circus. Just trying to stay one step ahead of the monkeys.

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