We have an appointment with Dr. Corina Brown at the Fraser Valley Child Development Center tomorrow morning to have Josiah assessed.
We will most definitely be asking about autism.
We pulled together all the reports we have for him so far…..He’s only 7 and yet, he’s seen a Psychologist at the Infant Mental Health Clinic at BC Childrens, OT’s through school, our Pediatrician……and we wrote our own list highlighting the areas that he struggles with or in…..
4 pages of struggles.
(not sure why but to see the page you need to clink on the link and then clink again on the link that opens.)
This journey of parenting special kids is a tough one.
I don’t know if we are going to get a diagnosis of Autism. I’d like to think that we, as parents, know something about our kids and there are SO MANY flags that go up for me when I look at this list and see this sweet kid….but I’m not the psychologist. I don’t make the diagnosis.
I do know that he’s struggling. His teacher knows that he’s struggling, but she doesn’t know how to help him.
Listing out 4 pages of “issues” and “struggles” and “deficits” is tough.
I’ve reduced Josiah to the sum of his faults.
And yet I haven’t………I know that in order to accurately present the challenges to someone, you need to talk about the hard things. The struggles…..the areas that are difficult….and you’d think that I’d be used to this by now. This is the third child that we’ve had assessed and probably the one I’m most prepared for. In every case, you go in and present the areas of greatest struggle. Because you’re not there to talk about the areas that they succeed in. You’re not there to talk about his sweet soul or his gentle, caring nature.
You’re there to talk about all the ways that fighting with his struggles sucks the soul out of you. You’re there to talk about how exhausting it is for both you and him to “live” on a daily basis. You’re there to talk about the incredible amount of effort that is required to stay one step ahead of every thought and breath so that you can avoid the inevitable meltdowns. You’re there to talk about how much effort every day is, in regards to getting dressed, eating, going to school, coming home from school, playing after school, eating after school, doing homework, eating dinner, doing chores, doing the nighttime routine, going to sleep……EVERYTHING!
And you know somewhere in yourself that parenting a child isn’t supposed to be like this….it shouldn’t be THIS MUCH EFFORT….it shouldn’t be something you dread. It shouldn’t be something that requires every ounce of strength you have and then some. There should be some space in your life left for you……….or your husband…..
But there isn’t…..
But, you can handle it….sort of….which makes you question everything you think and especially everything you wrote down. Maybe you are just blowing it out of proportion. Maybe you are making it seem worse than it actually is, and just then……..your child melts down……..and you take a huge breathe and push away the panic that threatens to choke you. You ever so calmly, and with so much more grace than you feel, respond to the situation…….
The second, third, fourth guessing is what does me in…..
I’m taking my 7 year old in for an assessment. He’s already been seen at BC Children’s when he was 5. And we know that there are deficits in his social development. He is a lovely, sweet boy. He is also struggling. This is not just about me. This is about getting him the help that he needs. And if we benefit because he gets that help…..that’s a good thing right?
I should be used to this by now. But I’m not. It’s hard. It’s hard to see your child struggling. It’s hard to face the areas that your child is struggling, head on. It’s hard.
One more day and then it’s all out of our hands………..I just need to keep breathing.