It’s been a tough day today.
I showed up at music practice tonight sobbing and barely managed to scrape myself together enough to walk in only looking like I was half falling apart……bright puffy eyes and red nose.
Parenting special needs kids is not easy and some days are tougher than others. Today was a fairly normal day as far as days go but it was still tough.
The boys wake up moving at warp speed which means lots of fights, lots of meltdowns, lots of yelling and screaming and taunting, very little listening, very little “pause and think before you act” and just generally a whole lot of frustration. And that is all in between 7-8am. Fun! By that point I feel ready to strangle someone but I have hopefully already doled out the morning meds.
It takes about an hour to an hour & a half for the meds to kick in……so however it takes to get the meds into them……it’s still another hour or so until the effect starts to kick in. Cue a repeat of the previous very little/very a lot section of actions.
Around 9-9:30am, we start school and depending on the particular mood of the day, school could be finished in 2 hours or it could take all day. Today we were still working on homework at 3pm……which is an indication of how today went.
There is so much frustration from the boys because they want to be doing anything other than school and I feel like I’m constantly fighting each one of them over different things.
Sometimes, I feel strong enough to handle it and others (like recently), I don’t feel strong enough to handle it all.
I’ve been waffling back and forth about trying Siah in public school because it would be one less thing that I would have to do and fight with him over, spend hours and hours prepping and on the admin stuff. I might actually be able to clean my house or have/create/stick to a meal plan. Wouldn’t that be incredible?
But today he had a gymnastic class that just pushed me over the edge. He was made to sit out of the first half of the class for over 20 mins. Now, in his defence…..I believe the teacher forgot about him…..but I can’t even believe I typed that sentence up. I should not be defending a teacher for forgetting about my child or even for finding it easier to not have him in the class. The class is at 5pm. Meds have started to wear off by this point and unless you really love
him or have one on one time with him……by this post in the evening Siah can be a handful.
But it broke my heart to see him “cast aside” because he couldn’t behave. It was worse in that parents on either side of me were asking me what I was found to do about this as they found the treatment as unacceptable as I did.
I ended up talking to the teacher and surprise, surprise……I started crying. Yah! Just what some twenty something guy want a to deal with an emotional mother of a bratty kid. Yay me!
I can’t fathom sending him to school to have him treated like this. He spent over half the class in total sitting off to the side. The punishment was not effective. If you know ADHD, you will know that long, isolating punishments are rarely effective. And so what? What do I do? Continue to put him in a place that could be so good for him if he would learn? Or continue to put him in a situation where he is leaning to sit in “time outs”? Cause if they continue to put him off to the side….that’s what he will be learning, not how to act appropriately. Or do I pull him out of something that could be great for him.
Well, I managed to get myself together during music practise but driving home, I started to fall apart again.
It’s so tough. Parenting difficult children is so tough and today I feel like a failure. I feel very alone and very insecure. It’s a crappy place to be in. I’m really hoping that I wake up up and feel so much more positive in the morning. I’m REALLY hoping!