It’s Monday morning….well, it’s almost noon and I’m sitting on my couch….in the sunshine….in the quiet……well, it would be quiet if Geli wasn’t hacking and couching and sneezing in the back ground. She’s stayed home another day from school. She woke up this morning with some “gastro-intestinal issues” and that’s all we’ll say about that. It’s all just a part of the stupid virus. I can’t wait for it to run it’s course and be gone from our house.
My mom came by this morning and has taken my boys for a walk. It’s nice cause they’ll get back, we’ll feed them lunch and then the baby will go for a nap. That’s some good timing, as far as I’m concerned.
Things are okay this morning. I’d be lying if I said that I bounded out of bed this morning, ready for the day. Certain that today was going to be a good day. It was more like I rolled out of bed ’cause the baby needed a diaper change. And then I folded 3 loads of laundry before even heading upstairs.
We managed to get breakfast made, school started and the house somewhat tidied and so right now things feel peaceful. I know what’s happening for dinner and I will put it in the oven in a few hours. There are no appointments, or places to be or things to pick up and so today is a quiet day.
I’m noticing that right now, my patience is not at the level it normally is. I snapped at Jeremy this morning instead of calmly explaining to him why it’s not a good idea to shout in the hallway when his brother is still sleeping. I don’t like being rude or disrespectful to my kids. I’m trying to teach them to talk respectfully even when they are frustrated or tired or upset and so to model the very behaviour that I’m trying to teach against……frustrating for me. It’s all a lesson, isn’t it? I get to apologize and explain what happened and how it’s not okay. We hug and move on….it’s just life lessons, but it speaks to me of how little I have to give.
I’m not hopeless. I’ve not given up. I’m just tired. Imagine if you had been walking in the desert for a month and you knew that just over that hill in front of you was a town and there was water, food, a bed….rest……and you just had to make it there. You’re exhausted. You don’t want to carry on, but there is no point in lying down and dying now. The end is close. Your dessert experience won’t last forever, but…..you are tired. You don’t feel like you can take another step. All you want to do is to lie down. But if you do….you will end up losing out on everything that you struggled for….that you fought for….all that pain and energy was, then, for nothing.
Sometimes, you just need to sit down and cry. Let all of the pressure off. And then you pick your tired self up and carry on……that’s where I’m at….I’m carrying on.
We all go through things. Have I ever wished that I was not going through this…..OF COURSE! Do I wish that I had a close friend, someone who really understood……honestly, as nice as that would be….NO! Because that would mean that you were going through this and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Sure, I’ve looked at you and wondered why “I” am going through this horrible time in my life. And then I remind myself that WE ARE ALL going through things….Life is a constant state of living and dying…of good and bad….of tough times and easy times.
I’m so aware of the tough times right now because there seems to be so many tough things going on in my life and yet, I try to keep aware of the good things in front of me….I have so many good things. I have an amazing husband….who I don’t get to see nearly enough. But isn’t that amazing that after 16+ years that I want to have more time with him and not less. I have 5 amazing kids. I am all so proud of each of them. They work through their own struggles and come out winning, and loving and embracing life. My family is amazing and well,…..I’m alive and breathing.
Alive is pretty good, no?
Today I’m choosing to be thankful….. I’d love to hear what you are thankful for, if you wouldn’t mind sharing?
I’m thankful for Jon and my kids.
I’m thankful for my health.
I’m thankful for my home.
I’m thankful for sunshine.
I’m thankful for my momma.
I’m thankful for this quiet moment.
What are you thankful for?
There are no wrong answers……