Daily Photos

Daily Photos

I turned to anxietyand sat with her awhileI asked what she needed and what she wanted to sayFor a moment, I stopped fightingand embraced her as a part of myself As intrinsic as joy and as necessary as sadness She was quiet and stilland we could hear our beating heartTurning to me she said, I try to protect you and keep you safeBut I feel ignored, belittled, dismissed.I have to fight so hard to be heardThe harder you fight against me, the more the panic rises Notice me. Turn to me. Hear me.I am not a lesser part of you, needing to be vanquished.I am but a part of your whole. Will you see? Will you accept?All the pieces of yourselfNot as good, nor as bad, but simply as YOUWe were quiet and stilland we could hear our beating heartas I whispered,I want to try…… #poetry #anxiety #selfacceptance #allthepartsofme
Posted by Intagrate Lite

Daily Photos

Daily Photos

Typically, I take the kids to school in the mornings. Pretty normal, right? What’s not normal is that it takes approximately 15 mins to an hour and a half to convince my 9 year old to go to and stay in school. He has severe anxiety (and I’m starting to think there may be other issues at play – we’re in the “investigating” stage). Today, Jon and I switched places. I went to work early and he had the “pleasure” of doing the school run. He sent me these pics to show how fabulous it was going and then he brought Jude to work at 10am……first photo is TOTALLY staged to show me how awesome Jude is settling in……except he still has his backpack on….which means he is no where near settled! Apparently they played a game of chess while they tried to get him settled……and Jon left his phone with Jude to “prove” he wouldn’t leave……and came back to pages and pages of half his head. It was such a nice change to not be responsible for the “effort” this morning; although I wish he had been successful at getting Jude to stay. But we get to try again on Monday! #lookforthepositive #anxiety #PDA #switcheroo #parentingfun #judahzane
Posted by Intagrate Lite

Daily Photos

Daily Photos

Jon and I bought @ultradigitalprinting in July and it’s been an exciting and exhausting past 7 months. One thing we’ve realized is that we need to be even more structured with our time and energy. This means that mean prepping on the weekend is critical to ensure that healthy food is available. I’ve currently got beef browning for tacos and spaghetti sauce; a chicken boiling for broth to make soup and chicken breast in the oven. And that’s just the start for this weekend.#mealpreppinglikeaboss #literallyaboss
Posted by Intagrate Lite

Daily Photos

Daily Photos

15 years ago, this month, our son, Nathaniel died and then was born. It seems backward; like it’s not the order life should happen in. Children shouldn’t die before their parents. Babies shouldn’t die before they’re born. One thing I’ve learned over the last 15 years is that there are no guarantees in this life. In the early years after Nathaniel was born, I had SO MANY regrets. I wish we had held him longer. I wish we had taken more pictures. I wish we had brought our family in to meet him. I wish……It felt like we were so unsure as to what to do and what was considered “appropriate”. Since then, I’ve tried to live my life in such a way that I don’t have regrets. Does that mean that I just threw abandon to the wind and did whatever I wanted….no! But over the past 15 years, I’ve done less of what “might be expected of me or what might be considered appropriate”. And more of what’s important to me and what I truly believe is necessary. I’ve listened to my heart more and in doing so, I’ve found SO. MUCH. FREEDOM. It’s one of the many gifts that came from my son. Even within the darkness of loss and trauma, when I looked for the light, I found it. This gift was so very necessary as we navigated the next 15 years of loss and trauma. Even though he never took a breath, his legacy is one of wonder, compassion and hope; and that is incredible, in my mind. #nathanielmark #remembering #loss #stillbirth #legacy #abstractpainting
Posted by Intagrate Lite

Daily Photos

Daily Photos

“Look for Light” I whisper to myself as Darkness closes in. Light is endless….it’s eternal….and though Pain, Despair and Exhaustion threaten to smother me, I pause. I focus. I breathe. I search for and find Light, even when Darkness seems relentless. Even in Darkness, Light holds me. It heals me. It guides me. #loss #trauma #remembering #digitalart #painting #painttherapy
Posted by Intagrate Lite